


Risk

by AlmostDaringDreamer



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Demisexual Levi, F/F, F/M, I can't write summaries, I have no idea what I'm doing, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, NOT IN MY STORY YOU'RE NOT, Nonbinary Hange Zoë, Probably ooc, because Levi, but its a thing, but only mentions, cries, eren thinks he's straight, i don't think that ever actually becomes important, mentions of child abuse, oh my god it's completed, or do tags, there's cursing and stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2016-03-01
Packaged: 2018-04-13 14:14:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 45,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4525119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlmostDaringDreamer/pseuds/AlmostDaringDreamer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren didn't care if he was marked. He and Mikasa had built a relationship based on love, and pain, and shared secrets. No one could compete with that. Or so he had thought, until he met Levi, who was too short, too grumpy, too foulmouthed, and all together too enthralling.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Soooo, this is the first fan fiction that I'm actually writing. It's been a long time since I've written anything at all, so I'm rusty. Have pity on my poor, weak soul.  
> This is already posted on Fanfiction.net. Same title/username and what have you. I have three chapters done, so the other two will be up momentarily.

Eren wasn't in a hurry to be anywhere, despite already being ten minutes late to his Criminology class. He hadn't gone in weeks, ignoring Armin's nagging and Mikasa's sighs. The whole college scene just really wasn't for him. Yes, he knew he was "ruining he life" as Armin so gently put it, but he hated sitting in classrooms, and writing essays, and he couldn't imagine doing it for another three and a half years.

"Eren, you have class," Mikasa said from her desk, twisting her head slightly to stare at Eren where he lay on her bed. He heaved himself up, crossing the small dorm room to reach her. Tugging gently at the frayed red threads of the scarf she rarely removed, he pressed a kiss to her cheek.

"Maybe I just don't want to leave you, babe," he murmured against her skin with a sweet smile.

"Bullshit." Mikasa's voice was flat, even more deadpan than usual, and her grey eyes were distinctly unimpressed. Eren laughed, stepping a distance away before falling backwards into his girlfriend's bed.

"Caught me," he chuckled with a shameless grin. He propped his hands behind his head, kicking a foot up unto his knee. He sprawled across her bed like he owned it, green eyes shining was a lazy joy. "I just really don't want to go to class."

"Eren," Mikasa sighed, with that tired, forceful tone she used whenever he did something she didn't agree with (which was often). "I'm not going to let you stay here when you're skipping. Go to class."

"Fine," the brown haired boy drawled in return with an exaggerated role of his eyes. He slouched off the comfort of her bed, mussing her blankets and stooping to scoop up his bag. He fished his phone from his back pocket, pulling Armin's contact up on the screen. "I'll leave. No promises I'm going where you want me to, though." Hoisting the strap of his bag higher on his shoulder, he made for the door.

"Eren," Mikasa called, and he stopped, glancing back to her. She had pushed her chair out from her desk to face him, a soft smile on her face, even as she pulled her scarf up to cover it. "I love you. Now go to class."

With a grin that was equal parts adoring and smug, Eren crossed the room with a couple long strides. He pulled her scarf out of the way, pressing a quick kiss to her lips. "I love you, too, but I don't love anything enough to go to class when I don't feel like it."

"It never hurts to try," she sighed. With a parting grin, Eren left the room, dialing Armin as he did.

"Yo Ar, can I crash at your place for a while? Mikasa just kicked me out," he said without preamble.

"I'm shocked she let you hang around as long as she did," came the staticy voice of his best friend from the other line. "I really don't get why she puts up with you. And what makes you think I'm okay with being your rebound? I have standards, Eren."

"Mikasa puts up with me because she loves me," Eren laughed loudly as he walked across campus towards Armin's dorm, waving to the few the people he knew as he passed. "Which, coincidentally enough, is the same reason you're going to let me come hang out at your place right now."

"I would Eren, but I'm not even in my room right now. Funnily enough, I actually have a class right around now, not unlike yourself. I guess the key difference here is that I actually go to my classes." Eren rolled his eyes at Armin's dramatics. They had been friends for years, and they loved each other like brothers, but there were some things they just couldn't see eye-to-eye on. Education happened to be one of them. "If you want to skip class why don't you do it in your own room?" Eren's grin immediately fell into a frown, his expression doing a complete 180.

"Gross, no. Jean is probably there. He doesn't go to class anymore than I do." Armin's lighthearted laughter drifted through the phone.

"You guys are fighting again?"

"We're always fighting, Armin. He's a horse-faced douche, and I'm a short-tempered asshole, remember? We don't mix well."

"As hilarious as it is to see you two pretending that you're not friends, it gets kind of tiring sometimes."

Eren scoffed, a noise of disgust spilling from his lips. "We hate each other. He's a prick who lives to annoy me. And if you're not going to let me come over, you're useless to me."

"Jesus Eren, I love you, too. My class is about to start anyway. Oh, and speaking of classes, you should really go to yours."

"Yeah, yeah," Eren mumbled dismissively, snapping his phone battered shut. He stood in the middle of a courtyard, halfway to Armin's dorm, with his plans suddenly dashed. Mikasa had already kicked him out and would probably punch him in the face if he tried to come back already; Armin apparently had a class and still refused to just give Eren a key to his room; his own room was still very much occupied by the disgusting existence known as Jean. Sighing, Eren strode over to a nearby tree, collapsing against it. He dug through his bag for his MP3 player, only to remember after a few fruitless minutes that he had lent it to Mikasa the other day, since her own had broken.

With nothing else to do, he pulled his phone out yet again, tossing it between his hands before flipping it open and dialing Mikasa. Considering that she had kicked him out earlier, he doubted that she would be happy to hear from him. She would probably refuse to answer, just to spite him for skipping class. It was a flawed strategy, really. If she was to try and give him the silent treatment every time he slacked off with his academic responsibilities, they would never talk. Surprisingly enough, she picked up just before her phone would have sent him over to voice mail.

"Eren, you're supposed to be in class," she sighed.

"You knew I wasn't going to go, don't act all disappointed in me," he replied, shrugging to himself as he tilted his head back against the bark of the tree he was leaned against. "If you are, you should really lower your expectations."

"Today's an important day, Eren. You can't just hang around people's dorms all day, refusing to go out." When he didn't reply, she pressed further. "You're supposed to me her today, aren't you?"

Eren sighed, glancing at the mark on his wrist. He remembered when it had trailed up his arm, spiraling around his forearm, five, ten, fifteen times. Now it was barely two inches long, and if he stared hard enough, he could see it getting gradually shorter, burning away like a fuse.

"Probably," he reluctantly admitted. "The marks aren't 100% consistent, so it could be tomorrow. Hard to know for sure."

"Well then, you need to be out there. You need to be where ever you're supposed to be when that mark disappears." Eren growled softly, glaring at his wrist, and resisting the urge to snap that is was impossible to be anywhere else. He took a deep breath, reminding himself that the mark would most likely be gone in a couple of hours, and he could go back to pretending it didn't even exist.

"She's your soulmate, Eren," Mikasa said, so softly that Eren could barely hear her with his horrible reception.

"It doesn't matter," he growled. Sure, he would be meeting his "soulmate" with the next few hours, but he was already in love with Mikasa. His soulmate could be anyone, and it wouldn't matter.

Don't misunderstand, Eren thought soulmates were great. He just didn't need one. Most people had the same type of mark Eren did, and in most cases, those marks led them to love, but plenty of people found love without the marks, or in spite of them. He had watched the band on his arm get shorted for nineteen years, supposedly counting down the time until he met "the one," but it only took him nine of those to find the girl he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Plenty of people were born without marks - Mikasa was one of them - but those people were still perfectly capable of finding love anyway. jean, as much of an asshole as he was, had one of the best relationships Eren had ever seen, and he and Marco both had different soulmates. Eren's parent's had been soulmates, and that hadn't ended well at all. Obviously the marks weren't everything. They were a nice, safe fallback, but frankly Eren preferred to take the risk.

"The marks are important, Eren!" Mikasa burst from the other line. "They lead you to the person who is perfect for you."

Eren felt his temper snap. He snapped forward, elbows resting on his knees, head hanging as he clenched his teeth. When he began talking, his voice was louder than he wanted it to be, immediately attracting attention, but he didn't bother to control it.

"You know what Mikasa, have it your way. Maybe she will be prefect for me. Maybe she will, somehow, be a better match for me than you are. I'll be the first to admit that our relationship isn't perfect. I'm too hot headed for my own good, and you've been bottling everything up since we were kids. There's nothing 'perfect' about that combination. Sure, sometimes we balance each other out, but sometimes - a lot of the time, really - it just doesn't work. And I know that that bothers you. I know it bothers you that sometimes we seem so incompatible that this must be impossible, and I know that bothers you all the more because I have a mark and you don't. I know it all bothers you, even if you won't admit it.

"But so what? So what if there's some stupid thing that says I'm supposed to be with some stupid girl I don't even know? You know better than anyone that I hate being expected to do things just because, and that's all this soulmate shit it. This mark doesn't matter. It hasn't mattered since I fell in love with you when we were thirteen years old. If I'm being completely honest, it probably hasn't mattered since we met when we were seven. What we have is built off of twelve years of friendship. Actual history. We made this relationship work for the last four years with love and hard work. We fought, and we cried, and we hurt each other, but we are still here, we are still together. And right now, I still love you as much as I ever have, even though you're being a fucking idiot, and I know you still love me even though I'm screaming. To me, the fact that we are still together after all the shit we have been through makes us more of soulmates than some mark on my arm. I love you, Mikasa. I love you, and nothing, no one could ever make me leave you."

He was screaming, which wasn't shocking really, because this was Eren, and screaming is what he was best at, God damn it. Now his voice fell, still loud, but deeper.

"You're my family. You are the last family I have left, and I don't know what I would do with out you. It's not something I even want to think about."

"O-Okay," Mikasa said after a long pause filled with Eren's heavy breathing. "I love you, Eren. You can come back to my room when ever you want." She hung up, and Eren pulled the phone away from his ear, smiling slightly now despite the fact that he was still flushed with anger. He let his eyes slide shut, relaxing his posture.

"Oi brat," a voice snapped in front of him. He opened his eyes, leaning back, head bumping against the tree at his back, to meet the angry grey gaze of a very pissed off man. "What the fuck do you think you're doing, airing your shitty private business in a public place?"

Simultaneously, with a faint burn, the marks on both their wrists disappeared.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be typos. Forever. The typos will never be completely gone. I apologize. If they bug you, just laugh at me to ease your sorrow. It's all going to be okay.

Eren swallowed as he stared at the man before him. Three things were immediately evident:

1) The man was painfully short. He held himself proudly, but even standing tall, Eren doubted the man was higher than his shoulder. It was true that Eren was slightly taller than average, but even sitting down, he could tell that the man before him was extremely lacking in the height department.

2) The man was painfully angry. His eyes were flashing silver, his mouth set in a tight scowl. Eren got the distinct feeling that this man could (and possibly would) beat him senseless, despite being a head shorter.

3) The man was Eren's soulmate. Eren's mark was gone and there were no other suspects, so this short, angry _man_ was guilty as charged.

It was these three things that hit Eren immediately, stinging against his senses like a slap to the face, but in the moments that followed, Eren noticed countless other things. Small things, like the way the man's grey eyes had subtle tints of blue. The way his black hair was styled in a carefully maintained undercut. The way Eren couldn't tell how old he was, but knew that he was older (late 20s, early 30s?). The way his suit fell in impeccably straight lines. Eren noted, with complete detachment, that one of the man's eyebrows arched slightly higher than the other, but Eren couldn't tell if it was part of the man's (completely disgusted) expression, or if it was just a natural imbalance in his features.

Eren stared for longer than was probably polite, completely overwhelmed by the big issues and small details alike. Disbelief and confusion made his ears ring. Blinking himself out of his near catatonic state, Eren scrambled to stand. The man's scowl deepened as Eren stood, his head tilting back to retain some semblance of eye contact. The younger man was, in fact, a head taller, the stranger being approximately eye level with Eren's shoulder.

Stillness prevailed for a long moment, filled with the buzz of awkward eye contact, but it shattered abruptly when the man stumbled a step forward. Eren caught him by the elbow, shocked at the action which somehow seemed completely out of character, even to Eren, who knew next to nothing about the man. The stranger ripped his arm from Eren's grasp, spinning to face a companion Eren hadn't even noticed. Shifting his gaze, Eren jumped slightly upon meeting the gleeful eyes of his biology teacher.

The professor leaned forward eagerly, brown hair held in a fly-away ponytail, chunky goggle-like glasses flashing. Eren couldn't remember their name, and hadn't attended one of their classes in over a week, but he did remember their adamant insistence that binary genders were ridiculous and they be referred to with gender neutral pronouns only. Their lips twitched as they stifled their laughter, staring at Eren with unabashed excitement and fascination.

"O-Oh this is _too_ good," they giggled, pressing a hand into their mouth. "Just wait until I tell Erwin and - oh God, Petra!" They doubled over for a moment, and Eren wondered how they could take the glare the stranger was giving them without keeling over. Straightening up, Eren's teacher grabbed his arm in one hand and the man's arm in the other.

"Okay! Let me introduce you. This-" they said, jerking roughly on the man's arm, eliciting a violent hiss, "-is Levi. He's kind of a dick, but he's sort of a _lovable_ dick, so it's all okay. I'm his friend, and I can tell you that it takes some getting used to, but-"

"You're not my friend, shitty glasses," the man - Levi - interrupted. His voice was flat, but threatening. Every time Eren wondered if the glare plastered on the man's face could possibly get worse, Levi immediately turned it up a notch. Eren wondered how his teacher could possibly still be alive, if they were exposed to _that_ on a regular basis.

"Levi," the professor replied, shaking the short man's arm again, "I am your _best_ friend. You love me, and you would be devastated if I disappeared, so shut up and be pretty for your soulmate. Look at him, Levi. He's adorable. You obviously need to try harder."

Eren squirmed slightly, growing distinctly more uncomfortable as time wore on. His maniac teacher turned to him then, pulling him closer.

"This is Eren. He's a student of mine, when he bothers to come to class - which has been never, recently. I don't know all that much about him, really, besides that he's _adorable_. And, I mean, come on, that's all you need to know when a person has a face like this." Eren squirmed again, reaching with his unrestrained hand to disentangle himself. He didn't really know what was going on, but he was seriously considering punching this person in the face, teacher or not.

"I'm Hange," they told Eren, finally releasing their hold on Levi as well. "I'm sure you've forgotten, since you're never in class, and Levi could probably use a reminder, too. I'm pretty sure he sometimes _tries_ to forget. I'll never understand why, since I am obviously the best friend and matchmaker in the Universe. I mean, I just introduced you to your _soulmate_. That's kind of a big deal."

"Hange," Levi growled, grabbing his friend (?) roughly by the wrist. "Did you not hear the same conversation I did? Leave the brat alone. We have shit to do, anyway." He brushed past Eren, pulling along Hange, who flashed Eren an apologetic grin.

"If you ever want his number, you can just come find me," they offered. "We should really all hang out some time, get to know each other."

"Shut the fuck up, glasses."

Eren watched them go, feeling as if his throat was stuffed with cotton. That had not gone according to plan.

Whenever Eren had imagined the confrontation with his soulmate, he imagined meeting a pretty girl who would be so excited to _finally_ meet him. He imagined that he would have to choke out a rejection (because he didn't want to be with his soulmate, but he didn't want to hurt them either). He thought that she would cry, and he would have to awkwardly try to comfort her without accidentally leading her on. Maybe, if she was feistier, more like Eren himself, she would get angry and they would end up fighting. Either way, it would end with Eren walking away, returning to Mikasa, and living out the rest of his life without ever thinking of it again.

He never considered that _maybe_ his soulmate would be a short, grumpy _man_ with a permanent scowl. He'd never imagine that his rejection would be in the form of a very loud and very public over-the-phone argument with his girlfriend. He had never pictured his soulmate having the most obnoxious friend in existence, who would be all too willing to make Eren completely uncomfortable. And he had definitely never imagined that his soulmate would be the one to walk away from _him_.

And frankly, he was pissed about it.

Eren was a _catch_ , God damn it. He was attractive, and interesting, and he had his talents. From what he had seen, Levi was nothing but a grumpy, short bastard who treated his "friends" like shit. A guy like that would be lucky to land a guy like Eren. It didn't matter if Eren was straight. It didn't matter if Eren was taken. It didn't matter if Eren's interest was absolutely zero. It was the _principle_ of the things, and Eren was fucking offended.

Who did Levi think he was, to just walk away? Sure, he had overheard Eren's conversation, but he could have let Eren explain. He could have given Eren a chance to do things _properly._ If he was going to be an asshole and reject his soulmate, Eren at least wanted to be a gentleman about it. But no, Levi just up and walked away, like Eren wasn't even worth his time. Now, Eren could put up with a lot of crap - his roommate was Jean Kirstein, for fuck's sake - but being ignored wasn't on the list. A part of him wanted to track Levi down, punch him in the face, and force him to at least _acknowledge_ Eren. He also realized that it would be counterproductive to actually follow through.

He glared in the direction Levi had gone, fists clenched and chest heaving. Someone came up to ask if he was okay, and _of course he was fucking okay, what the fuck else would he be?_ Idiot. He took a deep breath, trying to calm down, but oxygen only fueled his fire. He snatched his bag from the ground, slinging it over his shoulder, and trudged his way back to Mikasa's dorm.

The walk calmed him slightly, and Mikasa's face when she opened the door at his knock calmed him more. She let him inside, and he dumped his bag by her bed before he flopped down onto it. Mikasa nudged him over slightly with her knee before settling beside him.

"God, you guys are gross," Annie, Mikasa's roommate, groaned as she collected stuff from her desk.

"We're not even doing anything, Annie," Eren growled in return. The blonde girl wasn't all bad, but she was cold and guarded. She and Eren had also seen far more of each other than they would have liked, since Eren spent most of his time in her dorm room. It led to an awkward tension whenever they were both in the dorm. They got along pretty well if they saw each other outside of it, but Annie rarely went out with their group of friends, preferring to stay inside.

"I'm going to stay with Reiner and Bert," she said, shoving some things into her bag before pulling on a white hoodie. "Don't still be naked when I get back in the morning."

She left the room, door clicking as she locked it behind her. Mikasa curled into Eren's side, resting her head against his chest. They lay in silence for a moment, resting comfortably, and Eren reveled in the peace of the moment. All his confusion and fear and doubt and anger drained out of him. Here he was, with his girlfriend who he loved. Levi didn't matter. It didn't matter that he had found his soulmate; it didn't matter that his soulmate was a guy; it didn't matter that _Levi_ was his soulmate. The mark was gone now, as if he had never had one. As he wrapped his arms around his girlfriend, his breathing evened out completely for the first time since the phone call.

"I'm sorry I upset you," Mikasa murmured, leaning up to press a kiss to Eren's neck. He ran a hand through her hair.

"I'm sorry I yelled."

"You always yell," she laughed, propping herself up on her elbow so she could look at him. "It's just a part of who you are. I'm used to it by now."

"Doesn't mean I can't be sorry about it." He gripped her neck, pulling her down into a sweet kiss. They parted, but she lingered above him, black hair falling across his face, tickling his neck. Her grey eyes shone with emotions that they rarely revealed.

Eren's chest swelled with his feelings for her, and he wondered for a brief moment how he could contain it all. He loved her so much - so much that sometimes it terrified him. He honestly had no idea what he would do without her. Everything he was hinged on her _being_ there. She was the only reason he kept functioning, the only thing that kept the pieces of him together. He would fall apart without her, and sometimes that honest-to-God terrified him. He was terrified that one day she would move on, find someone better - more intelligent, more talented, more driven. It wouldn't be a hard thing to do. As much as Mikasa loved him (and he had no doubt that she did), she didn't _depend_ on him in quite the same way.

He pulled her into another kiss, this one harder, more passionate. He flipped them over, hanging above her, but her fingers landed on his wrist before he could kiss her again. She gripped him with enough force to make him lean back, and when he did, she sat up. Her eyes were cold as her fingers clenched, nails digging into his skin.

"Eren," she said, voice sharp. "Where did your mark go?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This should be 21 chapters total. The chapters will be short. The story will be simple.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren doesn't know how to do any emotion but angry. Mikasa is good at angry, too. No Levi in this one. But there is more ErenxMikasa. And there will be more in the future. All good things to those who wait.

Eren froze, eyes locked on Mikasa's fingers as they dug pale ovals into his skin, painted nails biting into tan flesh. Her grip covered the place where his mark should have been, and for a moment, Eren could pretend that the mark was still there, that he hadn't met his soulmate, and that his girlfriend wasn't currently fuming. When it had first disappeared, he had been so happy, so _relieved_ \- not with the circumstances, but at least with the fact that it was _gone_. He should have known that it couldn't be so simple. The absence of his mark was a dead giveaway to the encounter he had had with his soulmate, and he should have known that Mikasa wouldn't just leave the subject be. In all likelihood, she would be as difficult as she could be about it. As much as Eren loved her - as both a girlfriend and a friend - he recognized that she could, at times, be incredibly spiteful and petty, especially when she was feeling insecure.

Mikasa grit her teeth at Eren's silence, leaning further into his space. Her eyes shone fiercely, and her brows drew down over them. In the shadow of her anger, they briefly flashed silver, and for a moment (that he would never admit to), Eren thought of Levi, whose eyes had flashed like lightening.

"Eren," Mikasa pressed, "Where did it go?"

For a second Eren's mouth opened wordlessly before he haltingly replied: "You already know the answer."

It was a stupid thing to say. Eren knew it, and Mikasa's answering scowl confirmed it. He sounded stupid and standoff-ish, as if he was challenging her and her insecurities. Maybe he was. He didn't know. Admittedly, he did think her worries were needless and stupid, and he was getting annoyed at the amount of conflict it was causing between them, but he also understood that she couldn't help the way she felt. Yet here he was, crassly telling his outraged girlfriend that she already _knew_ where the mark had gone, as if her question didn't even dignify a proper response.

As he watched her forehead furrow in frustration and rage, Eren was hit by a curious sense of panic. The worry and regret he felt for angering the most important person in his life was overlaid with something heavier and more frantic, because suddenly he was thinking about Levi. It wasn't like the fleeting thought from moments earlier that Eren could stubbornly pretend hadn't entered his mind. This was full-blown contemplation; this was appraisal. The unasked for conclusion: Mikasa and Levi were startlingly similar.

They looked so alike that Eren was surprised he hadn't noticed immediately, and wondered now if perhaps they were related. Mikasa's hair was short, smooth, and inky black. The color and look of Levi's was nearly identical, and Eren wondered vaguely if it would feel as silky as well. It was the type of thought that Eren smothered instantly, pushing back the horror and confusion it brought along. Both Mikasa and Levi had pale skin and sharp features. Their cheekbones were high, their noses small and pointed, their lips thin with the slightest downwards curve while resting. They both had grey eyes with the same slight tilt to the edges that spoke of Oriental heritage somewhere in their family. Levi's eyes were a lighter, clearer grey with slight hints of blue, and they had heavier lids, but the similarities were undeniable. Their foreheads wrinkled the same way when they scowled. Their mouths curled the same way with distaste. They held themselves with the same pride and confidence. These were all things Eren loved about Mikasa, and he wondered with widened eyes and pursed lips what exactly that implied about his feelings for Levi.

Not that he _had_ feelings for Levi. That wouldn't make any sense. He had just met the man. Nevertheless, it was slightly distressing that the things he had noticed in the man were all things he already loved in his girlfriend.

"Who is she?" Mikasa demanded, leaning forward until Eren was forced to tumble backwards onto his hands. Mikasa straddled his legs without delay, and Eren wished the circumstances could be a little different here, because he never thought he would have to say that he didn't want his girlfriend on top of him.

"No one," Eren replied, finally pulling his wrist from Mikasa's grasp. Her nails had left crescent trenches in his skin, a small line of blood filling in one of the creases. The imprint of her hand remained white for a long moment before slowly turning red as blood flow returned to the area. In an attempt to calm her, Eren ran his heads up Mikasa's arms, rubbing gently, but she stiffened against his attempts.

_"Who?"_ she growled, shaking her shoulders violently to dislodge his hands. He rested one on her hip as it fell, but she slapped it away with a glare and a twist of her upper lip.

"It's not important, Mikasa. They're not important." He didn't cease his attempts to calm her, and she didn't cease her furious rejections.

"Don't tell me they're not important!" she snapped, slamming a fist to his chest hard enough to make him wince. "She's your soulmate! She'll always be important, even if you reject her." Mikasa hung her head, hair falling over her face. Her shoulder trembled.

"Hey," Eren said softly, running his hands along the back of her neck. He could feel her shuddering beneath his fingers. "You are the _only one_ who matters to me." With a gentle pressure on the back of her neck, he attempted to pull her into a reassuring kiss. Their lips barely brushed before she yanked away, eyes narrow and suspiciously shiny. Her hands landed on his throat, and for a moment, he thought she was going to choke him - it wouldn't be the first time.

But then she was lunging forwards and her lips were on his and there was nothing reassuring about _this_. Their noses bumped and their teeth clacked and Mikasa bit his lip hard enough to draw blood. Their tongues fought, and Eren let Mikasa have her way. Her fingers had a vice grip on his neck, thumbs digging into the sides. Even if he had wanted to pull away, he wouldn't have been able to. It was a harsh, awkward kiss, messy even by Eren's standards, but he could feel Mikasa's heart thundering in her chest, taste her breath as he breathed it in, and nothing mattered but the way she was looking at him.

She broke them apart a minute later, saliva hanging in the air between them in a way that would have been gross if it wasn't for the fact that it was so completely _not_. The grip she had on his neck loosened unexpectedly, one hand trailing up the back of his neck to stroke his hair before roughly fisting in the nape. Eren gasped as she yanked his head back, his neck clicking at the sudden movement.

"Tell me everything."

"I met my soulmate," he stated, eyes fixed on the ceiling.

"I already figured that much out."

"I don't know what else to say," he lied. "They overheard our conversation. I didn't even really talk to them."

"You're lying," she growled, tightening her grip on his hair. "Your ears are turning red. It gives you away."

"We honestly didn't talk. Their friend tried to introduce us."

"Tried?"

"Failed. They overheard our argument and were pretty eager to leave."

"Name."

"That's not important, Mikasa," Eren tried pointlessly to evade.

_"Name."_

Eren was prepared to lie. He could use any random name, and everything would be okay. But no, it wouldn't be, because he could already feel his ears getting hot, and he hadn't even said anything. If he lied, Mikasa would know. She would get mad, and then she would get the truth, one way or another.

"Levi."

Mikasa's hand fell from his hair. Her eyes narrowed, but Eren refused to meet them. "Levi?" she asked. The name sounded wrong rolling from her mouth. Dirty, taboo, shameful. Eren swallowed around a dry tongue.

"His name is Levi."

The air between them thickened with each passing moment of silence. Eren's breathing felt too heavy in the quiet. Mikasa broke it first - predictably, since Eren had no plans on speaking first.

"You're gay?" she asked flatly.

"What?" Eren spluttered. "Of course not! I'm not into men!"

"Your soulmate is a man."

"Soulmates means nothing!" Eren screamed, pushing Mikasa off his lap and jumping from the bed. "They're stupid, arbitrary. People look for their soulmates because society tells them to. They make up nice sounding words to explain the marks on our arms, and sometimes that _fucks everything up_. Sometimes people force it to work when it shouldn't, sometimes people give things up, and they end up unhappy. I'm not going to give anything up!"

"Not everyone is your father, Eren!"

Eren froze, bubbles of angry words popping in the back of his throat. His blood ran cold, his ears filled with white noise, his vision tunneled.

How fucking _dare_ she.

He stared at his childhood friend, his girlfriend, his _family_ , and he wondered how she could _fucking dare_ to say that to him, in the middle of a fight, at that. She stared back, face hard and defiant as she crossed her arms over her chest. For a wild second he wanted nothing more than to slap her. He wanted to knock her over, he wanted to make her cry, make her bleed. He wouldn't, but he wanted to.

"I'm leaving." He picked his bag up from the ground, movements measured and careful because he was feeling _this close_ to loosing control. After a moment's hesitation, he turned and snatched his MP3 from beside Mikasa's laptop.

When he left, he slammed the door behind him and ignored the way Mikasa looked at him as it closed.

Eren walked to Armin's dorm like a robot, steps still calculated and precise. He could feel the rage-fueled nervous energy that had built up in his joints, and he knew that one reckless movement would lead to a complete loss of control. He tried to keep breathing.

Armin didn't answer the door at Eren's heavy knock, but his roommate did. Marco invited Eren inside with a kind smile that Eren felt slightly guilty for not returning, but even that guilt for being rude to the nice boy was buried under massive amounts of anger. The freckled boy's attempts at conversation were met with stony silence, much to his confusion. Eren and Marco usually got along well, as long as Jean wasn't around, but Marco didn't want to press Eren into anything. The two weren't the best of friends, so Marco couldn't guess as to what was troubling Eren, but he knew that something was wrong, and frankly, he was quite intimidated by the atmosphere surrounding Eren at the moment.

Armin returned home almost an hour later, shocked to find his best friend sitting cross legged on his bed. Eren's back was ramrod straight, his fists curled into the fabric of his pants, breath coming in long, noisy draws, that regularly broke rhythm.

"Mikasa and I fought," Eren announced blandly upon Armin's entrance. Marco glanced over in mild surprise as Armin's eyes widened in understanding.

"Bar?" he asked, and Eren replied with a brisk nod. "Have your ID?"

"Of course. I plan on getting hammered."

With a small, sympathetic sigh, Arming dug through his desk drawers to find his own fake ID. He knew Eren well and he could see how unstable the brunette was at the moment.

Armin could only hope that the alcohol would help. With Eren there was always about a 50/50 chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this was really disorienting. Every other sentence I just stopped like "woah, wtf am I doing?" I have no idea what's going on. Does this chapter even make sense? I don't trust myself right now.


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren knows absolutely nothing about alcohol because I know absolutely nothing about alcohol. You know the saying "write what you know?" Under that rationality, I really shouldn't write anything at all, because my life experience is 0.

Eren and Armin got drinks at the bar just outside campus with little issue, and Eren adamantly ignored the meaningful and expectant glaces Armin kept sending his wrist. It had been a long day and all Eren wanted to do now was get drunk as hell and forget everything that had happened. Of course, he was also aware that he would probably never be allowed to forget, and in that case, he would at least like to rant to his best friend about it. Eren knocked back half of whatever Armin had ordered for him. He didn't know what it was exactly - he hadn't heard Armin's order and he really didn't drink that much - but it burned on the way down and it would serve its purpose. Eren sighed, glancing at Armin, who was patiently nursing his own drink.

"Go ahead," Eren said with a resigned wave of his hand. "Ask your questions. I have a drink. I'm good to go, now."

"Well," Armin began carefully, placing his drink back on the bar, fingers swirling in the condensation on the glass. "I'll leave the more obvious issue for later, since that will probably take longer to explain. You and Mikasa fight all the time. What did she do this time in particular to make you so incredibly pissed. I've seen you angry plenty - I mean, there was that year in middle school where you were angry _all the time_ \- but I've never seen you _this_ angry because of _Mikasa_."

Eren clenched his teeth. He had sought Armin out, prepared to rant to his best friend about Levi, and Mikasa's worries, and his own damn insecurities, but he didn't want to talk about the last bit of his argument with Mikasa. Really, he was an idiot for thinking that Armin wouldn't ask, because this was _Armin_ , who was painfully observant and always curious. Armin _always_ asked. Eren downed the other half of his drink. Armin signaled for another.

"She was... angry," Eren explained slowly, staring at the battered surface of the bar, accepting his drink with a nod of his head. "I was trying to calm her down, reassure her, but I was angry, too. Long story short, she told me that not everyone is like Grisha. As if I don't already _know_ that. As if that has anything to do with anything. As if it's okay to throw something like that in my face in the middle of an argument." He could feel himself getting angry again, and he took a deep breath.

"She has a valid point, though," Armin said casually, ignoring the sound of Eren's glass shattering and the yells of the bartender. "She shouldn't have used it against you in an argument, but you have been kind of jaded since everything that happened. It's understandable, but sometimes you _do_ seem to forget that not all relationships between soulmates turn out like your parents'."

"I _know_ that," Eren growled, jerking the dustpan from the bartender's hands as it was shoved at him. He quickly pushed the shards of broken glass into it before roughly shoving it back. "Just look at Krista and Ymir. Those two are perfect for each other, and they're soulmates. Franz and Hannah, too. I _know_ that soulmates can be perfectly happy together, even if my parents weren't."

"Calm down, Eren," Armin said, laying a soothing hand on his friend's shoulder. Eren took another deep breath, making an attempt to actually listen. Armin, with his cool personality and unwavering support, was just about the only person who could calm Eren down when the taller boy got angry or upset. "I'm not trying to attack you. I know you know, but I think that you only know it _rationally_. Subconsciously, you still doubt that your _own_ soulmate could be any good for you, especially since you already have Mikasa. She's just worried that that will change, and she's getting defensive about it. You met her today, right? Your soulmate? Isn't that why you and Mikasa fought?" Eren cringed, hoping that Armin would think it was from anything other than his misuse of pronoun. He really didn't need Armin thinking he was gay, too, though he knew it was just a matter of moments before Armin learned about Levi.

"Yeah, I did," Eren confirmed, taking a sip of the drink that had been placed in front of him after he shattered his last one. He delayed for a moment, keeping his lips around the glass. "I didn't talk to them, though - not really. They overheard a conversation I had with Mikasa and were in a hurry to leave."

"They?"

And there it was. Eren's careful use of neutral pronouns was as dead a giveaway as if he had said "yes, I met my soulmate, and _they_ have a _dick_." Mikasa hadn't picked up on it, but she could be incredibly dense sometimes, especially when she was angry and seeking validation. To her credit, Eren probably wouldn't pick up on it either, because he was dense just about all the time. But Eren wasn't talking to Mikasa or himself, he was talking to _Armin_ , who was basically never dense. The blonde boy was incredibly perceptive, and he knew Eren better than anyone. He didn't need to look at Eren's ears to tell if he was lying or hiding something.

"He," Eren corrected himself after a long silence. He fought the urge to glance away from Armin in favor of surveying his friend's reaction. Armin simply nodded.

"What's his name?" he asked. There was no malice or force behind the question, unlike when Mikasa had asked Levi's name, like the answer had killed her firstborn. She had been hostile about it even before she realized that Levi was a man.

"You're not going to ask if I'm gay?" Eren blurted, leaning closer to his friend.

"Are you?" Armin returned with the slightest tip of his head.

"Of course not!"

"Okay then," Armin shrugged. "I didn't think you were. I'm pretty sure I would know if you were gay _long_ before you ever figured it out for yourself. Frankly, I don't see how it matters. Sexuality isn't black and white. Heterosexuals can still have perfectly healthy, happy relationships with someone of the same gender. It doesn't happen often - I think mostly because of societal things - but it's possible. All sexuality really influences is sexual attraction - who you see and intrinsically want to have sex with. That doesn't _have_ to have anything to do with relationships and chemistry. I'm asexual, but I still have a soulmate out there somewhere, and I still plan on having a perfectly normal relationship with them. If you say you're straight, I'll believe that you're straight, even if your soulmate is a guy. Soulmates are matched based on personal compatibility. Sexuality has nothing to do with it."

Eren nodded numbly, filled with a confusing mix of relief and dread. Some of the worry in his chest eased away, but it was instantly replaced with _different_ worry. On one hand, he was straight. Armin had confirmed it, right, and Armin knew everything. If Armin said that Eren wasn't gay, _Eren wasn't gay_. That was a relief. That was one thing Eren could stop worrying about. But it was even more distressing to think that Levi could still be his soulmate, even if he _wasn't_ gay. That meant that they were matched together because of "personal compatibility," and somehow that was even worse than thinking that maybe Fate just thought Eren liked dick. Eren could apply his argument about soulmates being arbitrary, say that he and Levi were matched together randomly with no deeper meaning, and that eased some of the worry, but there was always some doubt. Just the smallest seed of it seemed to weigh a ton.

Armin broke Eren from his distressed musings. "So, what's his name?"

"Levi," Eren answered thickly.

"Tell me about him."

"He's short," Eren replied immediately, with a vicious scowl. "And he's a jerk."

"What exactly happened when you two met?"

"Well, I was talking to Mikasa," Eren summarized, launching animatedly into the story. "We were fighting. She's been so insecure and paranoid lately, and its been grating on my nerves. So I was telling her for the 50 millionth time that, _no, I'm not going to leave her_ , and we sort things out, and suddenly, _this dick_ is there, scolding me for something or other, and my mark is gone. The guy is with my weird biology teacher-"

"Hange Zoe?"

"Yes! They're with him, and all he does is insult them, even though they're apparently friends, while they try to 'introduce' us or some shit. Then he just leaves. He doesn't even let me apologize or explain - he just _leaves_ without a fucking word to me, as if I don't even exist or something, like I'm not worth his time, because he 'has other places to be' or something." Eren threw back whatever was remaining in his glass, and he was actually starting to feel the effects of it now. "Like, who the fuck does that? I was going to reject his ass, sure, but I was going to be a damn fine _gentleman_ about it."

Armin nodded sympathetically, and Eren was grateful for it, even while aware that Armin was probably not sympathetic at all but was just being a good friend.

"Pissed me off so damn much. And then I go to Mikasa's place, seeking some _love_ or _comfort_ or some shit, and she flips out!" Armin nodded again, resting a hand on Eren's shoulder and letting the brunette rant to his heart's content. It continued on for about half and hour, the focus of Eren's anger switching between Levi and Mikasa, occasionally rocketing over to Hange, or even Jean, who had nothing to do with the situation. He continued drinking, leaning slightly on Armin as time went on, until his rage found and entirely different target.

The men sitting at a table to the right of the bar had been there for a long time, and they had been sending distasteful glances towards Eren and Armin for the majority of that time. Armin had noticed them shortly after they sat down, and had hoped that Eren would be too preoccupied to do the same. Unfortunately, it was only a matter of time until Eren's gaze narrowed in on the space they occupied over Armin's shoulder. Even more unfortunately, Eren was already angry and he was irrational enough even without alcohol in his system.

"The fuck's their problem?" he growled, rising slightly from his stool. Armin caught his wrist, pulling him back down.

"Ignore them, Eren. It's hardly the first time this has happened."

"Yeah, and every time it does, I beat the fuckers up."

Neither of them were lying. It wasn't often that they went out drinking just the two of them, but when they did, it wasn't uncommon for one or both of them to be harassed. Armin had been getting shit since high school for being gay - even though he _wasn't_ \- and whenever Eren started drinking, he got clingy and affectionate. It wasn't weird to the two of them, since they had been friends since they were toddlers, but there were always the assholes. Sometimes the assholes were vocal, but Eren _always_ got violent about it. He shook Armin off, standing and moving towards the table.

"Eren, they haven't _done_ anything."

"They looked at us weird." Armin stopped his pursuit in shock.

"Can you even hear yourself?" he asked incredulously. "'They looked at us weird?' What the hell, Eren, use your head!You're not a child."

Eren ignored him, because as far as he was concerned, he was being perfectly rational. He slammed his hands down on the table in front of the men.

"You got a problem with me?" Eren sneered. The men looked at him, unimpressed. Tall but thin, with a face that was more "cute" than "handsome," Eren was rarely described as intimidating. Even his anger, which was a force to be reckoned with, often came across with the same unrestrained carelessness of a child throwing a temper tantrum. It often led people to underestimate him.

"You and your _friend_ , yeah," the guy on the right, with a nose too large for his face, confirmed.

"We don't take too kindly to fucking _fags,"_ his buddy added.

Eren punched him in the face.

Usually Eren would have some tact. They would be more verbal sparring, and then Eren would get fed up and pull them outside where he would promptly beat the shit out of them. But right now he was angry, and drunk, and honestly still a little touchy about his sexuality, and he wasn't putting up with any shit.

The guy he hit fell to the floor, while the other stood, startled but winding back to throw a punch of his own. Eren dodged for the most part, but the man's fist still clipped his shoulder. Eren was stronger, faster, and angrier, and he managed to land a few blows while Armin shouted for him to stop. He had no plans on doing so, until he was restrained and bodily thrown from the bar by a burly worker, who tossed Armin and the two assholes out into the alley as well.

"Jesus Christ, Eren," Armin groaned. "Why the hell does this always happen whenever we go out?"

Eren didn't hear what A-hole #1 said to make A-hole #2 laugh, but he saw the smug grins they exchanged and he was on them in an instant. The second took the opportunity to flee while Eren grappled with the first. A fist landed in his face, but Eren ignored it, wrapping his hand in the short hair of his opponent to slam their head against the ground.

"Eren," Armin cried, "the bartender called the cops when they kicked us out. They're going to be here soon." The crunch of tires outside the alley told Eren that they already _were_ but he didn't have a single damn left to give.

"I'm not done yet," he snapped, shoving an elbow into the ribs of the man beneath him.

"Yes you fucking are, brat."

A kick connected solidly with his ribs, rolling him off his almost unconscious enemy. Armin squeaked. Eren jerked up, eyes spitting sparks at Levi whatever-the-hell-his-last-name-was for just a moment, wondering what the hell _he_ was doing here - and then the man was slapping handcuffs on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, Levi is a cop. That's a thing.
> 
> If the fight seems undetailed and poorly written, it's because Eren is drunk and has no idea what is going on. Totally. It has nothing to do with my personal inability to write fight scenes. Who even suggested that. They're crazy.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I almost forgot that I also post this story here. Whoops.
> 
> Anyway, I know nothing about cops, or jail, or anything like that, so my advice to you this chapter: just suspend disbelief. If it helps, just pretend this story is set in an alternate universe where this is EXACTLY how being arrested works.

The cuffs were cold and too tight. Amidst all the confusion, that, at least, was easy to understand. The metal was cool, stubbornly refusing to warm up against Eren's skin, and Levi had clasped them through the notches until they dug into Eren's wrists, probably on purpose. Eren focused on that. It was easier for him to understand his discomfort than the fact that he was currently being shoved, scratching and biting, into the back of a police car by the one man he never wanted to see again. Armin was already inside, head supported by his (uncuffed) hands. He was mumbling to himself, unintelligible phrases, probably intended to reassure himself, but the string of words stopped as Eren's shoulder bumped his.

"This is the third time, Eren" he sighed, lifting his head to make eye contact with his friend, who was staring blankly at the mesh divider between the front and back of the car. He didn't acknowledge Armin's presence besides him. "This is the third time us hanging out has ended up with both of us in the back of a police car. I get that you have anger issues - I've gotten used to them by now - but do you really have to drag me into it _every time_." Eren didn't reply, eyes still blank and unfocused. "You're not even going to apologize, are you? No? Yeah, I didn't think so." Armin shook his head, blonde hair falling in a disarray around his face. "Jesus Eren. I love you, but sometimes it's so fricken hard to be your friend."

A knock on Armin's window caught his attention, and he turned to see the officer, who was gesturing behind with a look that suggested that he wanted everyone around him to drop dead.

"I need to babysit this dick until the fucking ambulance gets here," he said flatly, voice just loud enough to be heard through the glass. "You look after him-" with a harsh jab of his finger towards a no-longer-despondent Eren, "-and make sure he doesn't try anything stupid."

Armin nodded, turning back to his best friend who was now glaring at the officer. Armin was unsurprised by the glare itself, though slightly shocked by the intensity of it. The phrase "if looks could kill," came to mind. The ambulance arrived five minutes later, and Eren's death look never faltered. Eren didn't even spare a smug grim for the moment the guy he had beaten was loaded into the back of the ambulance, now unconscious, mostly likely sporting several broken or cracked ribs and a fractured wrist. His glare was focused, with an intensity that alarmed even Armin, who had been exposed to it for years, solely on the man in blue, and when the aforementioned officer finally opened the driver's side door, Eren leaned forward to band his fist on the partition.

"Oi," he growled. "What the fuck is going on here?" Even with the answer staring him straight in the face, Eren was confused as hell, and that was only fueling his anger. When Eren got mad, it was a self-sustaining force, that constantly found excuses to keep itself burning. It wasn't hard in this case. His "soulmate," who he had hoped to never see again, had handcuffed him and thrown him in the back of a police car. (Eren was disgusted to realize how kinky that sounded, and then even more disgusted to realize that it _wasn't_ actually kinky, it was just _reality._ )

Levi spared him an unreadable look - eyes blank, lips tight, an eyebrow slightly raised - before slamming his door shut and shoving his key in the ignition. "What the fuck does it look like?" he replied with a dry sarcasm.

"You're a cop?" Eren demanded, unable to match the new information with the mental image he had already created of Levi. The man was brash and disrespectful. He hardly seemed like the type to car about justice or rules. He had _kicked_ Eren off of the other guy with enough force to send him flying, for fuck's sake. Wasn't that police brutality or something?

"Did you miss the part where I shoved you in the back of my fucking _police car?_ "

"You two... know each other?" Armin asked, surveying the two of them with sharp eyes. Levi laughed, a sound just as flat and emotionless as his voice. Eren cringed, both at the ungodly sound, and the realization that his friend would inevitably realize just _how_ they knew each other.

"You could say that," the short man answered, smirking slightly with a type of wry amusement that made Eren want to punch him.

"No we fucking don't," Eren corrected. "He's just some asshole off the street." As far as he was concerned, it was true.

"Oh, is that what kids are calling it these days?" Levi sneered, the blankness of his voice giving way to blatant hostility. Eren preferred it to the coldness that was intimidating if only due to its unreadability.

"I'm not a kid," Eren said, already tired of Levi's ever-present 'mightier than thou' attitude. The guy was older, sure, but he was hardly a better person for it, based on what Eren had seen so far.

"You look and act like a fucking twelve year-old," Levi deadpanned. "You're a child."

"If I'm a child, aren't you a pedophile?" Eren returned, quirking an eyebrow in challenge. "And I'm nineteen, for your information." A flash of genuine surprise shown on Levi's face, but it was quickly discarded. Eren would have missed it if he weren't glaring so intently.

"Holy shit, you can't be serious. You're barely fucking legal! If I had met you a couple years earlier, you would have actually been jail bait. No wonder I had to wait so god damned long."

Levi's hands clenched on the steering wheel. His knuckles stood out starkly, bone white against his already pale complexion. His fingers unfurled for a moment before snapping down again in a slightly different location. To Eren's horror, he was entranced by the movement. Levi's fingers were long and almost skeletally thin. They looked like something that would come out of a Tim Burton movie, and Eren didn't know whether to call them elegant or downright creepy.

It was Armin's quiet _"oh"_ of realization that drew Eren out of his musings. Armin stared for a moment, his blue eyes almost comically wide as he processed his new information, and then his face crumpled like wet paper and the first giggle burst from his mouth. Eren scowled, annoyed but unsurprised. Armin was smart and level headed, easily the most reasonable person Eren knew, but he _always_ laughed at shit like this - especially if said shit somehow involved Eren.

"It's not fucking funny, Armin," he said, bumping his fists against Armin's bowed head, ignoring the twinge of pain the movement caused when his cuffs bit into his skin.

"It's like a cosmic _joke_ ," Armin gasped. "Of course it's funny!"

"If this is a cosmic joke," Levi offered dryly, "the Universe is on par with comedians who only tell jokes about airline food."

"Everyone in the audience is just coughing uncomfortably," Eren added. "The joke is so bad that it doesn't even deserve pity - it's just shameful."

"And there are crickets chirping, even though it's the middle of the fucking winter. The fucking pests came out of their disgusting hiding places just to emphasize how _shitty_ the joke was." Eren nodded in fierce agreement.

Armin finally fell silent. He stared, looking from Eren's serious face to the back of Levi's head, eventually slouching back into his seat. The corner of his mouth twitched.

"You two are perfect for each other."

The silence that followed his statement put all other awkward silences in Eren's lifetime to shame. He repeated the words in his head, trying to comprehend their exact meaning. Vaguely, he saw Levi's hands again, as their grip tightened and released in spastic spurts against the steering wheel, and he noted that Levi's hands were apparently the most expressive part of him. Eren's brain resumed its normal functions slowly, then all at once.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" he asked, voice rising quickly. "Don't make me punch you in the face, Armin." Armin raised his hands in surrender, and okay, Eren wasn't going to hit him, but he was not a happy camper right now.

And somehow, it was all Levi's fault.

Eren was pissed, and it was because of Levi (because Levi was the easiest things around to be angry about). The stupid asshole showed up and made things even more tense with Mikasa then usual, and then Eren goes to a bar to blow off steam, gets in a fight, and who shows up to haul him off to jail but the new bane of his existence! Seriously, it had only been a day, and the guy had already taken Jean's place at the top of Eren's "people I hot to never see again" list.

The three minutes remaining in the drive to the station were spent in silence. Eren wondered if his anger was tangible, if Levi could feel it like nails or knives driving into the side of his face and neck (and fucking hands). The vehicle stopped with a jerk, and Levi got out, closing his door with a slam before circling around to Eren's. Levi yanked him out of the car by his arm, and Eren hissed, both from the contact itself and from the jolt of pain as his wrists jostled. Levi rolled his eyes.

"Don't be melodramatic, brat."

Oh, that was it.

First of all, Eren was _not_ being melodramatic. He didn't fall to the floor screaming or anything like that. No, he exhaled harshly through his teeth to express his discontent at being touch by Levi. That was perfectly reasonable, because Levi was a _dick_ , and the fact that he was touching Eren was _disgusting_. It actually made his skin crawl. His wrists were killing him now, also because Levi was a _dick_ , who had intentionally put Eren's cuffs on too tight. It's not like they had magically loosened over time. No, they had been fucking chaffing for the last twenty minutes.

Secondly, Eren was _not_ a brat. He was sick of the way Levi said it. He hated being treated like a child (even if he sometimes acted like one) and being treated that way by _Levi,_ of all people, rubbed him the wrong way - the worst way.

Eren was so done.

He ripped his arm from Levi's grasp, stumbling slightly. His balance was fucked up since his wrists were bound, but that didn't stop him from twisting around, aiming a heavy kick at Levi's stomach. Armin screamed behind him, scrambling out of the car, but Eren ignored him, baring his teeth in what was probably a smile. He braced his body for impact, trying to preemptively set his balance so he wouldn't fall over, and-

Then Levi had a forearm braced against his windpipe and a hand fisted in his hair.

"If you try that again, I will not hesitate to knock your teeth out," Levi growled against his ear. "You're lucky I'm not going to charge you with assault on an officer. You'll be in deep enough shit already if they guy you beat up decides to press charges."

Eren stumbled when Levi released him, gasping for air. He stretched his arms out in front of him in an attempt to keep himself upright, but a tap of Levi's foot against his ankles sent him to his knees. He glared up at the smirking man, wishing they they were in some shady dark alley - or really anywhere other that in front of a _police station_ \- so he could actually _murder_ the asshole. Armin proffered a hand, and Eren accepted it after a moment, pulling himself back up with his friend's help. Levi led them inside the station with a smug smirk that didn't suit him.

"Levi!" a small woman exclaimed, rushing forward. "You're not supposed to go on patrols alone. If you're not going to take me with you, at least bring Eld or _someone_." She frowned disapprovingly, placing her hands on her hips in a way that was distinctly motherly.

"It's not necessary, Petra," Levi replied, looking down to her. She was probably one of the only people his own age he actually _could_ look down to, Eren noted disdainfully, and he was still only a couple centimeters taller than her. "I'm fine, aren't I?"

" _This_ time, yeah. But it's dangerous to go alone, Levi. You might get caught up in something that even you can't handle." Levi stared at her blankly for a moment before conceding, probably just for convenience's sake.

"Fine, fine. Whatever you say. Can you take care of these two for now?" he asked, gesturing to Armin, who kept a calming hand on Eren's shoulder. "The blonde one is just a witness. Someone needs to take his report, then he can go home. The other _brat-"_ he emphasized the word and Eren knew he was being intentionally spiteful, "-beat the shit out of some guy. Can you handle them?" The girl - Petra - nodded. "Good. I need to talk to Eyebrows." Without further ado, Levi left them, and Eren felt some of the tension ease from his body when the man disappeared around the bend of a hallway.

Eren was sat down and supervised while Armin gave his account of events in a separate room. He glanced apologetically at Eren when he returned, and Eren shrugged it off. He knew his blonde friend would answer any and all questions honestly, even if those answers pained Eren in a bad light. Eren didn't mind. He knew what he had done, after all, and he knew that it was wrong - at least in the eyes of the law - but he still didn't regret it for a moment.

Petra questioned him next, and his handcuffs were thankfully removed. Eren also answered honestly - more or less. In his account, the other guys may or may not have thrown the first punch. As far as Eren was concerned, the other guys _had_ moved first. They _had_ called Eren and Armin fags, after all. That was a punch in Eren's book - a figurative one, but Petra didn't ask if he meant it _literally_ , so he was telling the truth. More or less.

Levi returned halfway through the questioning, and Petra noticed the way Eren instantly tensed and closed off. Shooting Levi questioning looks, she tried to subtly shoo him away, but he waved her off, lingering silently.

He escorted Eren to the cells in back, but gestured to the phone of the wall before locking him in one.

"You get a call." Eren nodded stiffly. Picking up the phone, he waited for Levi to leave, or at least _back away_ or something, but the man showed no inclination of doing so. With a long-suffering sigh, Eren dialed one of only two numbers he knew by heart.

He wasn't sure what he was hoping for. Mikasa would answer or she wouldn't. If she did, she would come get him. If she didn't, he would spend the night here. He couldn't say which he would prefer. He was still mad at her, and she was probably still mad at him. But then again, Levi was here, and Eren wanted to be where Levi wasn't.

She answered after two rings.

"Hello?"

"Heeeey Mikasa..." Eren drawled, rubbing the back of his neck. He shot an apprehensive look towards Levi who was watching him with keen eyes.

"Eren?" Her tone instantly became more hostile and Eren sighed slightly, pulling away from the receiver for a moment so she wouldn't hear. "What's up? why are you calling?"

"Yeah, about that. I need you to come get me."

"Where are you?" she asked. Eren could _feel_ her getting more defensive every second they were on the line together.

"...Jail."

"You've got to be kidding me. You're joking, right?"

"Nope." He popped the _p_ , trying to ease the tension and failing miserably. "Well, technically I'm just in holding. But, you know, basically the same thing."

"God damn it, Eren."

"So, are you going to come get me, or what." There was a long pause.

"Of course I am."

"Thanks, Mikasa."

"Well, I don't really have all that much of a choice, now do I?" she questioned, and Eren smiled to hear some humor return to her voice.

"You totally do," he joked back. "We both know you could leave me here to rot and not even loose sleep over it." She laughed, and it was more tense than usual and a little forced, but at least she was laughing.

"Shut up, you prick."

"Fine, fine. I'll see you soon?"

"Soon," she confirmed. Eren moved to hang up, but thought better of it.

"Mikasa?" he called, to see if she was still there. She hummed in acknowledgement. "Love you."

"Love you, too. I'll be there soon."

Eren hung up with a small smile on his face, ignoring the fact that Levi was still there, currently holding a cell door open. After some prodding, he went into the cell, settling on the plain cot in the corner, making himself comfortable while he waited for his girlfriend to retrieve him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was soo hard to write. Well, not hard per say, so much as uncomfortable. As mentioned at the beginning, I have no idea how stuff works, so the whole time I was writing, I was super hesitant about it (but pfft, like I'm actually going to do research or something, I'm so lazy), and then I realized that I have no idea how Levi characters. Like, how does he even do that? And here I am, writing a fic in which he is a main character. Dig the hole a littler deeper, why don't you. It's like, I realized that there's no climbing out, so I tried to dig my way to China, except I forgot that the Earth has a gooey molten center that I'm about to run into.  
> So I started drawing instead, and that is so much easier, and then I got sidetracked, and now we're here.  
> /rant over
> 
> Also be warned that this has not been proofread in the slightest. If you want to know why, refer again to the rant above.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren is stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While reading this chapter (and any chapter of this story, really) keep in mind that the PoV is third person limited. The perspective switches sometimes, but that perspective is always limited. As in, when it's in Eren's perspective, you don't get magical insight into Levi's thoughts and feelings. Eren is 100% an unreliable narrator.
> 
> Also, can I just say that you know you're bad at pacing when the first day of your story spans seven chapters (yes, seven, there's still one more after this). And the chapters following those first seven are filled with time skips. I'm such a noob.

The station was about a half hour from campus, and the wait wouldn't have been so bad if Eren had had any of his stuff. As it were, all of his stuff had been taken before his was questioned: his phone, his wallet, his jacket, hell - even his shoes. All he could do for the next thirty minutes was stare at the wall across from the cot he was seated on, picking pictures out from the uneven texture of the stone like he was gazing at clouds. Maybe even that wouldn't have been so bad. It was mind numbing, without a doubt, but it was the type of monotony that lulled you into a trance and made time pass quickly. So maybe it wouldn't have been that bad - if not for Levi.

It was bad enough that the man arrested Eren, bad enough that he sat in on the last half of Eren's questioning, and bad enough that he listened to all of Eren's phone call with Mikasa. It was bad enough that Eren's day had gone down the drain just because Levi _existed_. It was worse that Levi was _still there_.

It had been a long day. Eren was in a jail cell, having been put there by his soulmate after a fight with his girlfriend about said soulmate. He just wanted to be alone for _half an hour_ before he had to face Mikasa and probably end up fighting with her yet again because of the tension that had been running rampant between them lately. He wanted to close his eyes and enjoy some calm, peaceful silence. He wanted to finally let go of the anger that had been burning in his stomach since his argument with Mikasa.

But no, of course he couldn't do that. He couldn't do any of it, because Levi was _still lingering_. He had locked Eren in a cell, and Eren had waited patiently for him to clear out, but the man just sat himself in a chair, and pulled out his phone like he was in it for the long haul.

Eren didn't know what to say. All he could do was gape and glare suspiciously as Levi leaned his chair back on two legs and tapped away at some game. He wanted to yell, scream something, but at this point he didn't know what to say. Few things could render Eren Jeager speechless, but congratulations to Levi, he had done it. Something unintelligible fell from Eren's lips, and Levi glanced his way with a thin eyebrow quirked.

"Something bugging you, brat? You look constipated."

"What are you doing?" Eren spluttered, the words shocked out of him by the challenging look in Levi's eyes. Levi glanced at the phone in his hand before waving it slightly.

"Playing ," he replied. Eren narrowed his eyes in disbelief. Was he really just sitting there playing some shitty game as if everything was completely normal? Though Eren supposed that was strangely apt. The game was all about growing so you could devour other people. "I'm fucking awesome at it."

He was doing this intentionally, Eren knew. Levi probably wanted to be somewhere else just as much as Eren did, but the sadistic shrimp apparently enjoyed making Eren uncomfortable more. Eren could see the gleam in Levi's eyes that told him that the man knew just how uncomfortable Eren was with the situation. Eren took slight solace in the fact that Levi must be just as uncomfortable.

Being someone's soulmate was so incredibly awkward. Here they were, supposedly perfect for each other because of some bands they used to have on their arms. Anyone who knew they were soulmates would expect them to make nice, start dating, and eventually get married. But they wanted nothing to do with each other. They had yet to have an actual conversation (hopefully they never would) and the only words they had exchanged were hostile ones. Levi's insistence on hanging around was just making everything worse. He should have gotten the hell away as soon as he could, but it seemed that his desire to make Eren suffer outweighed his desire to put distance between them.

Without further comment, Levi returned to his game.

"That's not what I meant and you know it." Eren scowled and he could swear he was developing a twitch at the side of his mouth from doing it so much. He had a short temper, sure, but that was usually balanced by a good bit of cheerfulness. Today is seemed like he was just pissed all the time. Correction: it didn't _seem_ like he was pissed all the time, he _was_ pissed all the time. Levi spared him another glance and sighed.

"Fine," he conceded. "You're in police custody. Someone has to be back here to supervise you."

"Okay, I get it," Eren said, with a brisk nod of grudging approval. "But why _you_?"

"What do you mean, why me?" Levi asked, and Eren felt like an idiot from Levi's look alone. "It's my fucking job. What the fuck do you want from me, brat?"

The question was rhetorical, but Eren answered bluntly and honestly: "Mainly for you to go away."

Levi stared at him for a long moment, and Eren was sick and tired of the man's completely unreadable expression. Was he mad at Eren for being a dick? Was he enjoying making Eren uncomfortable? Did he even have an opinion on the situation? Eren couldn't tell. Just as the silence was getting uncomfortable, Levi sighed.

"Well I can't fucking do that. Just suck it up; your girlfriend will be here soon."

As hard as Levi was to read, even Eren could hear the spite wrapped around the word "girlfriend," and he immediately bristled. He understood that Levi didn't like him, but that was no reason to judge Mikasa. Eren was stupid and short tempered and apparently a "brat," but Mikasa was nothing like him. Levi had no right to judge her just because he was dating Eren.

For a moment Eren considered letting it go, because it had been a long day and he was tired of fighting - but then again, Eren never let things go. He stood, moving away from the shabby cot, and came to a stop at the front of his cell, near where Levi was seated.

"Oi," he called pointlessly, since Levi's attention had been on him since he stood. Eren gripped a bar in one hand, leaning down slightly so he was closer to Levi's eye level, and put on his best intimidating glower. "What do you have against Mikasa?"

Pure shock shone on Levi's face. His features fell slack with it, his usually hooded eyes widened, and his hands twitched. It was the first time Eren had seen Levi display a genuine emotion for longer than a split second, and Eren bitterly noted that Levi actually looked _human_ like this, instead of like a robot or some kind of doll.

"What do I have against Mikasa?" he parroted, grey eyes wide and baffled. His fingers tightened around his phone, folding tensely over the brightly colored screen of game over. "Well, I don't know. What could I _possibly_ have against your girlfriend, Eren?"

Eren jolted slightly at the use of him name, delaying his reply. Honestly, Eren had never expected Levi to call him anything other than "brat." He hated the way Levi said his name - hated that Levi said it at all. It sounded wrong and unnatural, if only because it sounded completely _normal and fine_ when it shouldn't have. Eren swallowed.

"I don't know," he finally replied. "You don't even know her. You have no reason to dislike her. She's a better person than I am, anyway."

Levi exhaled heavily, raising a hand to press slender fingers against his temple as if he was fighting a headache. He glared, and it was different than all the glared before it. Levi was just about always glaring, but those were "I'm angry at the world, and I hate everything" glares. This, though - _this_ was and "I'm angry at _you_ , and I hate _you_ " glare, and Eren shuddered slightly to be the focus of all that emotion.

"You're an idiot," Levi sighed, voice angry but resigned. "Go back to your shitty cot. Your girlfriend should be here any minute."

Eren's protests that he was _not_ an idiot were met by stony silence, and when it became obvious that his efforts were fruitless he retreated to the cot and collapsed back into it. Burying his face in the flat pillow he noted that Levi was right, not about Eren being an idiot, but about Mikasa's imminent arrival. Thirty minutes had just about passes, so she could be walking up any moment. Dread bubbled in Eren's stomach, and it took him a moment to become consciously aware of why.

Mikasa was coming here. Levi was already here.

Mikasa, his paranoid, angry girlfriend, was coming here. Levi, his soulmate, was already here.

Mikasa, his paranoid, angry girlfriend was coming here, and she was going to meet Levi, his soulmate, the very person she was paranoid and angry about.

The apprehension churned in his stomach, bringing with it the horrible awareness that this was not going to end well. Pressing his face further into the pillow, Eren squeezed his eyes shut and tried to calm himself down. Maybe this would be for the better. Mikasa would meet Levi and realize that he was no threat to her. She would calm down and their relationship would go back to the way it was meant to be. Or, better yet, Mikasa would come get him, they would leave, and she would be none the wiser as to who Levi was. Things wouldn't get better, but they wouldn't get worse.

Eren snapped up when he heard footsteps moving down the hall, breath catching in his throat as he steeled himself in determination. He moved to the door of his cell to see Mikasa approaching, escorted by Petra. Levi made no move to open the cell, opting instead to watch the girls approach. Eren slapped his shoulder, and Levi retrieved his keys with a roll of his eyes.

When Eren left his cell, he walked immediately to Mikasa, ignoring both Levi and Petra as he did everything he could to leave as quickly as possible. Mikasa met him with flat, slightly irritated eyes, placing her hands on his arms as she appraised him.

"You're covered in bruises," she informed him with a disappointed shake of her head. "It'll probably take hours to clean you up. Your hands are _mess_." Eren glanced down to see that she was, in fact, correct. His knuckles were bruised, split, and scraped - a bloody mess that would probably hurt like hell tomorrow.

"I still have plenty of first aid stuff back at my dorm," he dismissed with a careless shrug. He was well accustomed to patching himself up (and occasionally Jean, much to his chagrin).

"I can't believe you got in another fight," Mikasa sighed. She shook her head with a look that spoke of major frustration that Eren couldn't understand. Eren had been getting in fights his whole life. She had had twelve years to get used to it, but she still sometimes seemed surprised. "But I'm glad you're okay." One of her hands moved from his arm to his cheek, and she leaned up slightly to place a kiss at the corner of his mouth.

"I am 100% okay," he confirmed, grinning cheekily. "Let's just go back. Jean is with Marco tonight, so you can hang out at my place with Armin and me. If you want." Mikasa hesitated long enough to make Eren uncomfortable, but cautiously smiled, and he wrapped his arms around her, bowing his head against hers.

"Sounds nice."

Petra watched their exchange with a soft smile and dreamy eyes. "Ah, young love," she sighed with a small laugh. "Levi, go get his stuff so they can go."

Eren knew the exact moment where he became fucked. Mikasa tensed in his arms and her eyes closed off like a wall had dropped behind them. She turned, pulling away from Eren's hold to stare at Levi's back.

"He's Levi?" she questioned, voice hot with a hollow anger. "That prick is your soulmate?"

Petra, still standing innocently on the side, gasped, head whipping around to stare after her coworker. She blinked several times in rapid succession.

"Yeah," Eren answered weakly, knowing that he would just aggravate Mikasa further if he kept silent. "That's him."

"What the hell is he doing here?"

"He's a cop, apparently."

"Your soulmate is a cop?" She laughed at the irony. "That doesn't make any sense."

Eren shrugged helplessly. Mikasa was basically just stating things that he had already thought.

Levi returned a moment later to a tense silence. Petra watched with morbid anticipation. He hefted the plastic bag filled with Eren's belongings before tossing them over, content to ignore the atmosphere between his companions. Mikasa caught his eye and they stood, running their gazes over each other with thinly veiled hostility (on Mikasa's part, anyway - Levi was unreadable as always). Mikasa's lips twitched.

"Jesus, Eren, he's so short," she snickered. "I thought you had taste."

Mikasa, appeased, turned back to Eren and gripped his arm, telling him that they were good to go. After they left, Petra turned to Levi, eyes still wide.

"I didn't know you met your soulmate," she said cautiously, hunting for tells as to what he was feeling. She found none.

"It's not like it fucking matters," he replied before turning away. He gathered his things quickly and left the station, making for his car to go home. His shift had ended _hours_ ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last time on Risk: Eren was stupid.
> 
> This time on Risk: Eren was stupid.
> 
> Next time on Risk: Eren is stupid.
> 
> Hm. I'm sensing a pattern.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so happy to finish up the first day of this story. It has gone on too long. I feel like I've been writing the same thing over and over. My writing novice is showing, need to cover it up quickly.
> 
> Jesus, this chapter is so short. Like, even shorter than usual. I try to keep them between 2000 and 3000 words. This is just sad. Apologies.

Mikasa drove them back to campus in the run down car they had bought together when they were 17. Since starting college, they had used it significantly less, but they still made a point to go out on the occasional drive together. Lots of memories had been made in this car. Hazy summer days spent driving to distant locations, where they would kill a few hours before heading home in the evening. Nights spent star gazing on the hood, blanket laid out to combat the chill. Pretending that they could run away together when things got to be too much to handle, driving off into the sunset as if they would never come back, returning with slightly lighter hearts. Usually Eren would take a moment to reminisce, lean his head back and enjoy the nostalgia with closed eyes and a small smile. Unfortunately, the tension in the vehicle prevented him from doing so. Mikasa stared dead ahead, hands gripping the steering wheel with far more force than was necessary.

Eren felt his anger from earlier festering, fed by the negative energy of the silence they sat in, and multiplied by the way Mikasa had acted at the station. The barb she had thrown at Levi on their way out was unjustified. The man hadn't said anything, hadn't even _looked_ at her wrong, and she had insulted him to his face. She had no more reason to dislike Levi than Levi had to dislike her. It wasn't as if Levi _wanted_ to be Eren's soulmate. He probably hated Eren just as much as Eren hated him. She hated him for something he couldn't control. Eren hated him because he acted like a prick - that, at least, was an actual, justified _reason_. Mikasa was just being petty for the sake of it, it seemed.

The ride was silent, and Eren enjoyed that silence despite how sharp it was. He knew it would inevitably devolve into shouting when they got to his dorm, because that was just the way things always escalated between them. Eren planned to enjoy the relative calm while it lasted. Both of them had been getting angrier and angrier as the drive progress, and they needed to let it out. Eren just hoped that it wouldn't get physical. Arguing he could handle. Outright _fighting_ , with teeth and nails and fists, he hated.

The walk to Eren's dorm was equally silent, but Eren held Mikasa's hand and that seemed to calm both of them down, just enough so they could remain rational human beings rather than becoming raving lunatics the moment they were in private. It reminded them why they were doing _this_. Reminded them that even though things were hard sometimes, especially now, their relationship was worth it.

Eren would handle all argument, all the insecurities, the paranoia, the pettiness that Mikasa had to offer, and he wouldn't even complain, so long as he got to hold her hand at the end of it all.

Armin was already in Eren's room when Eren and Mikasa got there, sitting on Eren's bed, face tight with worry. He bolted up when the door knob rattled, tripping over himself as he stumbled forward.

"You're back," he gasped in relief. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, I guess," Eren answered with a shrug. "Can't really know for sure until I find out if that guy is going to press charges."

"He won't," Armin assured with such absolute certainty that Eren had no choice but to believe him. When Armin was sure about something, he always ended up being right. "He got beat up by a 'fag.' Guys like that don't press charges over stuff like this. His pride will be too wounded to take it to court."

"Well then, everything is perfect," Eren amended, grinning widely. He tossed his things to the side. His bag landed in front of the door, and he noted with a smug appreciation that Jean would probably trip over it when he came back tomorrow. Eren kicked his shoes off, toeing them under the bed before collapsing on top of it. He had just begun unwinding his muscles when Mikasa spoke.

"Everything is _not_ perfect," she declared as if she was personally affronted by Eren's claim. She ripped the scarf from her neck and tossed it over Eren's desk chair, and that's when Eren realized that he was in truly deep shit. Mikasa only ever took off her scarf when either the room or her temper was running extremely hot. Eren knew it wasn't the first because the dorm rooms were always kept insufferably cool, which could only mean that Mikasa was well and truly pissed. He sat up slowly, meeting Mikasa's angry stare with head on determination.

"It's not perfect!" she repeated, fumbling slightly. "It's not. That guy - _that guy_." Mikasa had never been the best with words. She always favored blunt, decisive statements, but she lost grips with that if she got upset enough. Eren knew that, in this case, her momentary loss of composure was fueled not only by her anger but also by her distress, and the knowledge made his chest ache behind his own anger. He hated when she hurt.

"So you met Levi, then," Armin interjected with casual optimism, as if he had just pointed out a particular detail of the weather. His tone was too bright for the conversation, and Mikasa's eyes shone with betrayal.

"Yes, I met _Levi_ ," she spat. "What was he even doing there?"

"He was doing his _job_ , Mikasa," Eren shouted back. "I was pissed about him being there, too, but it's not like there was anything that could have been done about it. It just happened."

"I know," she said, the volume of her words dropping as her voice cracked. "That's what I'm afraid of." She covered her face with her hands, shoulders heaving with her breaths as she got a hold on herself. When she looked up, her face was carefully composed and her eyes were the empty grey they became whenever she detached herself from a situation. "He's your _soulmate_ , Eren." She emphasized the word like it was supposed to mean something, like it alone would make Eren suddenly understand her way of thinking.

"I've already told you that that doesn't matter." He felt like he had said it a million times already, but apparently once more was in order. The words felt stale on his tongue. "I don't care."

"But maybe he does."

"What?"

"He's your soulmate. Which also means that _you're his._ You're his soulmate. You are perfect for him. Maybe that matters to _him_. Maybe he cares." The "maybe he'll try to take you from me" went unspoken, but Eren heard it anyway.

"What are you talking about?" Eren questioned, confusion feeding his anger. "Levi is as uninterested in this as I am. We want nothing to do with each other - it's mutual. We'll probably never speak again."

Mikasa stared at him. Her face was blank and unreadable in a way that really shouldn't have reminded Eren of Levi, considering the circumstances.

"I have to go," she finally said, making for the door before Eren could do anything. "You can take care of your injuries on your own, right?"

She was gone before Eren could tell her not to run away. He glared at the door, stupidly noticing that she had pushed his bag to the side when she left, so he couldn't even look forward to making Jean suffer tomorrow. Armin stared, too, shocked by the exchange, but not shocked to the point that he wasn't going to comment on it.

"She's has a point, you know." Eren stared at his friend, completely bewildered, and Armin took his silence as a prompt to elaborate, even though Eren really didn't want to hear the follow up to that statement.

"Most people look forward to meeting their soulmate. Maybe they're not excited, per say, but they're at least curious. Levi is older than us, so he's probably been waiting a long time. Of course, then he meets you and you're... the way you are. If you think about it, it's really not fair to him at all."

"What the hell is _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Just that Levi deserves an actual soulmate. Everyone does."

"So I'm not good enough?" Eren asked, offended beyond reason. He didn't even want to be Levi's soulmate, had no intentions of acting like one, but was still angered by the implication that Levi was actually _unlucky_ to be paired with him. Eren was a catch, god damn it.

"You can hardly consider yourself an 'actual soulmate' if you don't even give him a chance."

"So what? Are you telling me to date him, leave Mikasa?"

"What?" Armin's voice cracked when it rose with shock. "No! I'm just saying that it's not fair, is all." Armin stared at Eren like he had turned into a twenty meter tall man-eating monster, and Eren's face grew hot with the realization that _he_ was the one who had made it weird.

"It's fine," Eren said quickly, fumbling to cover his tracks. "Levi didn't want a soulmate, either."

"What makes you think that, anyway? You've implied it several times now, but Levi's never actually _said_ so, has he?" Eren frowned at the realization that, no, Levi never had said he didn't want a soulmate. Not that it mattered, because Levi made it plenty obvious even without saying so. He had shown absolutely zero interest in Eren, right from the get-go. Eren was sure that Levi had no interest in this soulmate nonsense, either; that was one thing they had in common. "You need to stop assuming that everyone thinks like you."

Silence fell between them. Eren glared at his bedspread like it was hiding the secrets of the Universe from him. Armin looked on with long-suffering eyes. The moment stretched longer than was reasonable, and Armin pulled out a book, leaving his friend to his contemplations. He was interrupted half a page in.

"Armin," Eren called in a worryingly weak voice. "Mikasa left her scarf." Armin glance to Eren's desk, shocked to see that it was true. Mikasa's scarf was still draped over the chair, the faded red seeming bright against the dull faux leather.

"So, I'm thinking of getting everyone together," Armin said hastily, spitting out the first thing that came to his mind to distract Eren. "My birthday is in a couple weeks, but I have a project due around then, so I thought we could all go out in a few days. Friday, probably."

"Huh? Oh. Sounds good." Eren glanced at him, and Armin was glad he had at least pulled the brunette's attention away from the scarf, even if Eren's words were still hollow and distracted. He had no clue how Mikasa had managed to leave the article behind. It meant so much to her and Eren. Armin's moment of relief was short lived. It died the moment he saw the look in his friend's eyes.

Eren looked absolutely lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, my Eremika feels have been running rampant lately. I know that's not what you're here for, but you'll just have to put up with it until the Riren starts (which'll be a while).
> 
> Also, Jensen Ackles is a beautiful man. That has nothing to do with anything, but I have been reading too much Destiel lately, and I needed to let it out.
> 
> I'll be on my way now.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always come THIS close to forgetting to update this site. THIIIIS close. I cannot accurately represent just how close.

Armin did arrange a party for Friday, though it was less a party so much as a get together at a club about ten minutes outside campus. It was short notice, since Armin wasn't much of an event planner and he had only thought of it in the first place to distract Eren, but their group of friends was always eager to meet up and drink. Everyone said they would be there, besides for Annie, who joined a group thing if there was going to be more than five people in the room (secretly Eren wondered how she managed to function in any of her classes). Despite the fact that the even was to organized to celebrate Armin's birthday, he and Eren were about the last to arrive, gaining entrance to the club with Connie and Sasha, who were well known for being late to anything that didn't have a buffet.

It had been unusually difficult for Armin to pull Eren out of his room. Typically, Eren was the energetic, extroverted type, who thrived in crowds and loved to go out with friends, but today he lingered in his room and hesitated in the doorway, one hand shoved deep into the pocket of his tight jeans, the other fiddling with the ends of Mikasa's scarf. He had wrapped it around his neck, wearing it himself until he could return it to his girlfriend. Armin was slightly disoriented to see it on Eren instead of Mikasa, blinking in unconscious surprise every time he looked back to his friend after glancing away. He reminded himself that the scarf had been Eren's before it had been Mikasa's. He vaguely recalled a small Eren running around with it tossed over his shoulders, taking Armin along with him on childhood adventures, before they had even met Mikasa. Sometimes Armin missed those days, even if he hated himself for it.

Eren and Mikasa hadn't spoken since she left his dorm two days earlier. They had exchanged texts - mainly Eren telling her that she left her scarf and her asking him to return it "the next time they saw each other," as if that day could be weeks away - but they hadn't called, and neither had visited the other's dorm. It was odd, being away from Mikasa for even two days after years of seeing her daily without fail.

Honestly, Eren was terrified to see her again. He was pissed, too, but mostly, he was scared. Not that the difference was huge, since Eren's fear usually manifested as anger. Just like his sadness, and his frustration, and 75% of all his emotions, really.

Eren was used to fighting with Mikasa. They fought all the time, enough that people who didn't know them well claimed that their relationship was dysfunctional. The fighting didn't bother Eren much anymore, even if it did annoy him sometimes, but the fact that Mikasa had left her scarf without even thinking - that bothered him. He gave her that scarf when they were nine years old, the day he saw her eyes empty out for the first time, and they day she became a member of his family. It was stupid and too sentimental, but that scarf was symbolic for something _important_. That she had just thrown it away left a sick feeling laying heavy and thick at the bottom of Eren's stomach.

When their eyes met as Eren and Armin pushed through the crowd, things became incredibly uncomfortable. She stood to greet them and Eren came to a stop in front of her while Armin slid into a seat next to Jean. Jean, Reiner, Connie, Sasha, and Ymir watched with unabashed curiosity. Marco, Bert, and Krista at least had the decency to look slightly concerned. It was no secret that Eren had met his soulmate by now, though few of the people gathered at the table knew the particulars of the situation. They knew that Eren's fuse had wound down, and they knew that Mikasa was upset about it, and that was all they needed to know.

Biting the inside of his cheek, Eren removed the scarf, draping it clumsily around Mikasa's neck. Half of it ended up over her face, and she blinked twice, looking at him with wide eyes, just like she had when they were kids. He scowled at her and nodded briskly, still angry and unsure and afraid, but ignoring it all, at least for the moment. She nodded back, the small movement just enough to ease some of Eren's inner turmoil, and pulled the fabric down so it no longer covered her nose, but still covered her mouth - the way she always wore it when she didn't want to talk.

They took their seats, squeezing in next to Ymir (who looked disappointed at the lack of a scene) and Krista (who looked relieved for the same reason) and Eren threw an arm over Mikasa's shoulders. After a second of delay, she relaxed into his side, but he could still feel the hesitation and distrust in her muscles, and he wondered when the two of them had turned into a couple of beat dogs.

"So Armin," Jean said with a teasing grin, the first of the group to turn his attention away from Eren and Mikasa, "finally turning nineteen, huh?" Armin rolled his eyes. He was the youngest of their group, barring Krista. No one cared - why would they? - but Jean was the type of idiot who always liked to hold it over Armin's head as if it mattered.

"Maybe it's not the best idea to announce that we're celebrating my nineteenth birthday when we're doing so with _alcohol_."

"Oh come on, Blondie, it's not like anyone it listening." Jean leaned back in his seat and cleared his throat. "Attention everyone!" he said, voice louder than it should have been. "None of us are-" he cut off with a strangled yelp when Marco, angelic smile still in place, elbowed him in the ribs. "Jesus Marco, was that really necessary?" Jean glared at his boyfriend, moving slightly closer to Armin while eying Marco like he might attack. Marco shrugged.

"You were being an idiot." His smile was at odds with his words, and Jean gaped at him before moving back to his side with only a shake of the head. Ymir laughed.

"God, you're so whipped," she observed mockingly, face split by an amused smirk as Jean went red with anger and embarrassment. "Two years ago you would have thrown a punch if someone pulled that, boyfriend or not."

"You're one to talk," Jean sniped back, tone more or less friendly. He and Ymir weren't the best of friends, but they certainly got along better than he and Eren. "Krista's had you wrapped around her finger from the moment you two _met._ " The small blond in question smiled sweetly, with a cute tip of her head. Ymir held her hands up in mock surrender, smiling in crooked amusement.

"I'm not going to deny the truth, man," she said, shrugging carefreely. "That's the difference between us. I don't deny that I'm whipped, but you try to pretend that you're still a man when everyone knows that Marco has your balls in a vice grip." Laughter danced around the table, Reiner's and Eren's among the loudest. Eren found himself smiling genuinely for the first time in several days as the conversation took the form of (mostly) good natured jibes at Jean (who pouted and grew more flustered with each one) from various parties.

The night was shaping up to be a good one, all lighthearted conversation, drinks, and dancing. Jean and Eren fought, Eren and Armin danced like dorks, Ymir bragged about Krista, Marco and Jean made out, Eren and Mikasa played a drinking game, Mikasa won like always, Reiner and Bert slunk off somewhere, Connie and Sasha ordered more food than booze (and proceeded to completely monopolize it), and everything was as it should be.

They didn't get together like this nearly often enough. Reiner and Bertolt had only joined their group this year, and were notably less close knit - Annie as well - but the rest of them had been friends since high school, and they used to do stuff like this every weekend. Really, it was a miracle they had all managed to stay together this long, but maybe it was just the small town mentality. They all went to college to get away from home, but they all chose the same safe close-but-not-too-close option, and here they were. Eren smiled, wishing that the night didn't have to end.

Of course, things couldn't go his way, and his night ended significantly earlier than everyone else's. He had gone to the bar to get another drink - soda now, at Armin's insistence - a foolish smile spread across his face, put there by a mix of alcohol and the giddy feeling that came from being with his friends, when someone called his name. He had turned to see none other than his crazy biology teacher, sitting with two other people, bouncing it their seat like an excited puppy as they waved.

And that is how Eren Jeager's night came to an end.

Hange called his name again when he turned back to the bartender, but, determined to ignore them, he ordered himself a Pepsi. Perhaps predictably, he was pulled away from the bar before he could get it. Hange planted him in a chair before taking the one next to him. Their two companions, one of whom Eren now recognized as Petra, looked at him questioningly. The other was a man, a regular Captain America type, neat blonde hair, blue eyes, stern features, and pronounced eyebrows. Eren raised a hand in a weak wave, offering them a pained smile before turning to his abductor.

"What's this all about, Hange?" he asked them, trying not to let his building annoyance ruin the good mood he was in.

"I told you we should hang out, sometimes," they said, as if words said briefly in parting constituted as actual arranged plans. "Now is a time. We're Levi's friends and you're his soulmate, so we should all get to now each other."

"I'm kind of here with friends," Eren said, forcing another smile while hooking a thumb over his shoulder, towards his table.

"Oh, I know. We saw you a while ago. They won't miss you."

"No," Eren denied, cringing internally at her choice of words. He reminded himself to keep a hold on his anger. Hange was his teacher, Petra was a cop, and who knew who the other guy was, but he didn't want to get mad here. "We're celebrating my best friend's birthday, so I really should get back."

"That blonde who came to the station with you?" Petra asked, and Eren nodded. Petra was far less annoying than Hange. In fact, she gave off the same agreeable, "impossible to hate" air as Krista.

"Just ten minutes, Eren," Hange insisted. "They won't mind." Eren shook his head, eyebrows drawing together, a muscle in his jaw ticking.

"Listen, I really can't-"

"Eren, I swear to God, sit down or I will fail your bitch ass."

Eren sat.

It wasn't the treat itself that concerned him - because honestly, he couldn't be doing all that well in _any_ of his classes with his attendance record, and he couldn't say he cared - but the way it was delivered made him uneasy. Hange was still smiling that practically insane smile and their tone had been casual and too sweet. Eren was a little bit afraid of them, in that moment. Even Petra and the other man were looking at Hange oddly for it.

"So, lets start with introductions. Since you're obviously shy, we'll go first." Eren resisted the urge to say that he was the furthest thing from shy, he just didn't want to _be there_. Hange clapped once, smile still in place.

"I'm Hange Zoe! I'm 29 years old, and I'm a biology professor at Maria-Rose University. Occasionally I do some forensic work with the local police. I spend most of my free time doing independent research in my lab - but keep it on the down low, because the Dean got super pissed when he found the monkeys I was using for my last project. Mostly I do research on soulmates, actually, so if you have any questions, you can always just ask me! I met our darling Levi when I was taken into police custody for trespassing on a crime scene, and we have been the best of friends ever since, even if he tries to deny it. He would die without me, really."

The three people with Hange looked at them oddly, thought Petra and the blonde man seemed far more accustomed to this (whatever _this_ was) than Eren could ever imagine possible. Hange looked to Petra, nodding with enthusiastic encouragement. Petra sighed in resignation, and gave Eren an apologetic look.

"I'm Petra Ral," she began, much more haltingly than Hange had, occasionally glancing to them for prompts. "I'm 30. I work at the police station - but you already know that. Erwin and I are together... Soulmates. We got engaged in the fall." She paused, faltering, and Hange mouthed _hobbies_ to her. Petra shook her head, but resumed speaking. "I read a lot. Fantasy, mainly, just to keep myself busy. I love art and music but I'm not particularly good at either. I've... known Levi since high school. We weren't particularly close back then, but we became friends when he got his job. We do patrols together a lot - when he doesn't go off on his own, that is." She slumped backwards, and Hange nodded their approval. The man started without prompting, face fitted with a friendly smile Eren didn't quite trust.

"My name is Erwin Smith. I'm 35. I work at the station as well - I'm the chief of police, actually." Thank God Eren didn't let go of his temper earlier, then. "I spend most of my time with Petra or at the station. I don't have many hobbies, really."

"He's work obsessed," Petra interjected.

"He is," Hange confirmed.

"Yes, well," Erwin continued without regard for them, "I met Levi when I offered him a job."

"What?" Hange asked, pouting. "You're not going to tell him the story?" Erwin raised his (frankly quite impressive) eyebrows.

"I hardly think Levi would appreciate me telling some boy we barely know his life story."

"But this boy is his _soulmate_ ," Hange argued. They said the word the same way Mikasa said it, as if it was supposed to magically explain everything and magically change opinions.

"Not really." Eren interrupted, before Hange could take their argument any further.

"What?" Hange and Petra asked in near unison.

"I mean, technically I am, yeah," Eren explained, "but I have a girlfriend. Nothing is going to come of it."

"Does Levi know that?" Erwin asked.

"What? Of course. He doesn't want a soulmate either."

"Levi said that?" She asked the question with a type of confusion that Eren couldn't understand.

"Basically, yeah."

"Well, lets just ask him when he gets back!" Hange declared, with another clap of their hands.

"Gets...back?"

Of course he was here, Eren realized. His friends were here, why wouldn't he be? The empty chair that had been next to them, the one Eren currently occupied, was Levi's. The abandoned drink on the table that Eren was only just now noticing was Levi's.

"Yeah," Hange said, unaware or uncaring of Eren's sudden distress. "I don't know where he went, actually. Sometimes he just disappears, but he should be back soon."

Eren needed to get out of here before that happened.

He stood quickly, knocking his chair back with enough force to cause it to tip dangerously for a moment before he caught it.

"Sorry," he excused. "I need to use the bathroom."

"Need to take a shit?" Hange asked, then laughed s if she had made the greatest joke of the night. Petra snorted with a role of her eyes.

"Yeah, sure, whatever." And then he was gone.

He actually did go to the bathroom, leaning over the sink as he tried to get his breathing under control. He growled to himself. After taking this moment to himself, he would go back into the club, find Mikasa, and both of them would leave immediately, before either of them had the misfortune to run into the current bane of their existences. Objectively Eren realized that this whole thing wasn't Levi's fault, but the man was certainly the cause of a lot of problems, and Eren needed _someone_ to focus his anger on, or it would become self-destructive.

The faucet next to his turned on, and Eren wasn't sure what should have caused him more panic: that Levi was right next to him, or that he could recognize the man from his hands alone. Eren stiffened, hoping against hope that Levi wouldn't notice him, or at least wouldn't say anything. His hopes shattered like a physical thing when Levi spoke.

"Are you even old enough to drink, brat?" he asked, voice low and smooth and completely emotionless. Levi already knew the answer, already knew that Eren was nineteen.

"Obviously I'm capable." Eren's reply came unbidden, falling from his lips with no conscious thought. Levi snorted. A silence fell, Levi still scrubbing at his hands, Eren still leaning over the sink, and Eren was relieved that there wouldn't be _much_ talking, at least. Levi shattered that hope, too.

"Are you okay, Eren?"

Something else shattered with Eren's hope, and he's pretty sure it was his control. Levi sounded _worried_. It was faint, his voice still more or less blank, but Eren heard it. Levi was _concerned_.

What the fuck was that? Who was Levi to worry, to be concerned. Levi wasn't supposed to wan anything to do with him. Levi was supposed to avoid him, because neither of them wanted a soulmate, and seeing each other was awkward. Levi _wasn't_ supposed to ask if he was okay, wasn't supposed to use Eren's first name, and definitely wasn't supposed to do all of it with something fucking _tender_ hidden at the edge of his voice.

"I was perfectly okay until you showed up!" Eren snapped, whipping his head up to expose Levi to the full force of his glare. Levi's empty grey eyes sharpened suddenly, they neutral grey shifting to a gleaming silver that reminded Eren (not inaccurately) of razor blades. The man exhaled heavily through his nose, finally pulling his hands from under the stream of water and switching it off. "Even if I wasn't okay - even if I wasn't - it would be you're fault!" Eren knew he was placing blame, pointing fingers like a child, but it didn't matter, because it made sense in his head.

Levi twitched his fingers, attentively shaking water from the tips, and then he slammed Eren into the wall.

Eren gasped as his back met the tile, breath caught by the forearm placed firmly against his windpipe. His mind was a solid five seconds behind the course of events, still stuck on the movements of Levi's hands as he shook them dry. Eren's knees were bent awkwardly, putting his eyes level with the ones that were currently stabbing holes through him.

"Listen brat, because I'm only going to say this once," Levi growled - actually _growled_ , _Levi_ of all people. "I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask to spend 31 years waiting for _you_. If you have a girlfriend, _fine_ \- I can deal with that shit. But stop making me into some kind of shitty villain. I've done a lot of bad things in my life, but I haven't done any of them to you, so grow the fuck up, and stop fucking _blaming me_ for something that neither of us had any control over." He removed his arm from Eren's throat, turning back to the sinks to wash his hands yet again, even more fiercely this time than the first, before storming from the room.

Eren thought that Levi was very much like a storm.

With that, Eren slid down the wall to the floor, chest heaving and heart pounding so hard it hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren's still being an idiot, what's new there, but Levi's HAD ENOUGH OF HIS BULLSHIT
> 
> So, I actually really like this chapter, personally. AND I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO THE NEXT TWO. Hopefully I can do my ideas justice, yeah?


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said at the end of the last chapter, I am super excited for this one. So I'm actually updating during the day (gasp, what is this, plot twist) instead of at 3AM. Well, I mean, it's still technically night, but it's not past midnight, so I feel accomplished.
> 
> Some of Levi's perspective in here for you. Hope you enjoy~

Sometimes, even a week later, Eren would remember some small detail about what happened in the club bathroom and it would hit him like a slap to the face. He would remember how cold the wall was behind him, or the exact way Levi had crowded him against it, or the way one of Levi's hands rested on Eren's hip to pin him. He would zone out, thinking of how Levi's breath brushed against his face or how the man smelled so incredibly clean, like soap and aftershave, and a hint of something Eren couldn't name and didn't even want to think about because it was just _Levi_. Eren was eaten by these thoughts in a way that was quite uncharacteristic for him - usually he rarely thought at all - and each time he was woken from his reprieve, he was more shocked and more disgusted with himself.

He had seen Levi around campus a couple of times, usually with Hange, and wondered how it had taken him so long to meet the man when he saw him around all the time, now. They never spoke. But sometimes Levi would see Eren, too, and the man would stare for a moment, then nod and herd Hange away before they could cause some issue. Sometimes, Eren would find the presence of mind to nod back, but Levi was almost always already gone by that point.

Armin noticed, of course, but Mikasa didn't. She was still tense, but things were better between her and Eren now. They fought less, mostly because Eren was too wrapped up in his own thoughts to get upset when Mikasa said something nasty or insecure. As far as she was concerned, the rough patch they had been in was passing. It wasn't true, as far as Eren was aware, but what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her.

Armin was suspicious, though. Eren could tell. He saw the way Armin looked at him after he snapped out of a zone. Armin was the first and only person Eren told about his confrontation with Levi, and after that, Armin's suspicious looks became thoughtful ones.

Eren didn't know what he could be thinking about - the situation wasn't that complicated. Eren himself was distracted by guilt and confusion, because apparently Levi _had_ wanted a soulmate. Eren still had no plans to _be_ that soulmate, but he did regret some of his actions and words, in retrospect. That's all there was to it. That's the only reason he was zoning out. Guilt and confusion. The only reason he ever nodded back when he saw Levi was because he was trying to be civil, do as Levi said and stop blaming him. That was all. That was it.

It wasn't a complicated situation.

Currently, Eren was seated in his dorm (Jean was blessedly absent, out with Marco somewhere), contemplating just how not complicated the situation was. He had lost track of time at least an hour ago, but now it was six, and Jean would probably come back soon to find Eren staring blankly into space. It was just a matter of time before his roommate started asking annoyingly persistent questions that Eren didn't have answers to.

A knock on the door startled Eren from his bed to the floor, and he glanced at Jean's desk, wondering if the horse-face had forgotten his keys. Eren didn't see them, but shrugged, and stood to unlock the door.

Levi's eyes met Eren's when it opened. Eren knew that the other man was as surprised as he was, could somehow see it in Levi's grey eyes, despite the blankness of his face. Eren wondered when he had gained even the slightest ability to read Levi, wondered it before he even wondered what Levi was doing there.

To Levi's credit, he didn't know that this was where he was going. When Erwin had handed him a slip of paper with the name "Eren Jeager" and a dorm block and room number, Levi had assumed that he was going to be meeting with some poor college girl. The name was oddly spelled - _German_ , Levi now realized - and he had assumed that it was feminine. He didn't connect it with his green eyed soulmate, whose last name he didn't know and whose first name he had always assumed was spelled "Aaron." Levi had been doing a lot of assuming, lately. Too much, apparently.

Levi wondered if Erwin knew. If the man had any idea what he had sent Levi to do. Who was Levi kidding? Of course Erwin did. This was _Erwin_ \- manipulative bastard extraordinaire, who loved to drop coy, vague bullshit on the heads of unwitting people, and watch as the tried to figure it out like it was a gift from the heavens.

"Eren," Levi said, hating to hear that his voice was slightly breathless and hoping it wasn't noticeable. "Eren Jeager?" The boy - the brat, the wide-eyed, innocent brat, who was too young and didn't deserve this - nodded.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, voice the least hostile that Levi had ever heard it. Apparently Eren was taking his words to heart, and not being a complete dick all the time.

"I'm here on business," Levi answered, almost stuttering. Almost. "Can I come in? We shouldn't do this in the hallway." Eren let him in with guarded, distrustful eyes, and Levi glanced around the small dorm room with a grimace of distaste. His soulmate was a slob, evidently. Somehow, Levi had seen that one coming.

"What's up?" Eren questioned, taking a seat on his bed. Levi remained standing. "Am I in trouble?" Something lit up in Eren's eyes. "Oh God. Is that guy from before pressing charges?"

"No." Levi's voice was choked, and he knew that the brat noticed when he squinted slightly. "You're Eren Jeager? Son of Grisha Jeager?" Eren's face folded into a familiar scowl, brows drawing together and lip curling up.

"That's me," he said, bitter and annoyed. "What's my old man done now? Finally get himself arrested?" Levi swallowed. He wasn't sure if Eren's evident anger towards his father would make this easier or harder.

"He's dead," Levi announced bluntly. _Do it quickly, like ripping off a bandage._ "He committed suicide two days ago."

Harder, Levi thought as Eren's gemstone eyes widened. Definitely harder.

"You're kidding," Eren stated, voice hollow. "You have to be."

"I... no."

"He offed himself?" Eren demanded so sharply that Levi could only nod in reply. Eren's head dropped to his hands, and Levi took half a step forwards, prepared to - well, he didn't really know what he was prepared to do. Whatever he had to, he supposed. When Eren's shoulders started to shake Levi reached a hand out, but he stopped, letting it hang in midair when he realized that Eren was _laughin_ _g._

"He left you a letter," Levi said after a moment.

He wasn't sure exactly how he was meant to respond to the current situation. Levi was generally the one sent out to tell people about deaths, because he was the least affected by it. Petra couldn't report to a family member without crying herself, and the others were always sullen, depressed, and basically useless for the rest of the day. The job fell to Levi, and it was far from his favorite, but someone had to do it. Usually he just gave them the news, answered questions if they had them and he was actually allowed to give out the information, and went on his way. This was different.

For one thing, this was Levi's _soulmate_. Levi had never been particularly good at sympathizing with people and he usually wouldn't bother trying, but now he felt like he was supposed to. He felt like he should be consoling Eren, even if he had no idea how to do so. While Levi didn't particularly _like_ the boy, he did feel a certain _responsibility_ for him that he found hard to explain. Levi wanted Eren to be happy, even if he would never say so, and he definitely wouldn't say so in those exact words.

For another, Eren was _laughing_. Levi was shit at knowing what to do in social situations, but even he knew that when someone cried, you comforted them. Levi was shit at comforting, too, but he though that he could probably figure it out, if push came to shove. But Levi didn't know what to do about this bitter, derisive laughter, didn't know what to do when Eren looked up at him - and _damn_ the brat had beautiful eyes, but that didn't fucking _help_ here.

"A letter, huh?" Eren asked with a broken smile that looked wrong on his face. "Well, let me see it." With a stoic nod and a carefully blank expression, Levi pulled out the envelope with "Eren" written on it in abysmal script. Eren spared Levi a look when he noticed that the envelope was already open, but began reading without comment.

Several officers at the precinct that handled Jeager's case had probably read the letter. It was important evidence, and as far as Levi understood, Grisha was a somewhat infamous figure in his area, making the letter all the more important, since they had to analyze it to evaluate the possibility of foul play. It had been quickly dismissed, the case closed, and the letter sent to Levi's division - and thereby Levi - to deliver to Eren. Levi hadn't been on Grisha's case himself, since the man had lived on the other side of the state and was handled by state officers in the area,but he had read the letter anyway. Technically, he wasn't allowed to, but it wouldn't cause any issues. Nobody knew, and nobody gave a damn.

The contents were what you would expect from a suicide letter. "I love you" after "I love you." Countless "I'm sorry"s. Certainly nothing to justify the blinding rage that was building on Eren's face.

Levi had seen Eren mad on several occasions, and generally speaking, it was comical. He imagined that a smaller man (metaphorically speaking, unfortunately) might have found Eren quite intimidating, but after having been into more knife fights with guys three times his size than anyone could hope to survive, Levi viewed Eren almost as a chihuahua yapping at his heels. Small, nonthreatening, sometimes cute, but mostly irritating. But now Levi was honestly a little uneasy. Doubtless, he could still take Eren out with a few well aimed blows, but the brat looked absolutely _homicidal_. It was nothing like the childish resentment that Levi had come to expect, and he realized with an abject fascination that, in that moment, with an unsettling determination burning in his too-bright eyes, Eren was perfectly capable of murder.

"He says he's sorry," Eren explained, his tone more rational and even than Levi had ever heard from the boy's anger, despite the look on his face. The letter crumpled as Eren balled his fist. "Says he didn't want to _leave me_ , as if he hasn't left me a million fucking times since I was six fucking years old. As if I didn't _want him to go._ "

Levi stared as Eren fumed, aware that the wall that usually covered his emotions may have fallen, but unsure if it actually had. He remembered thinking, no more than fifteen minutes ago, that Eren was too young for this, too innocent. Too young, yes, too young for this and everything else that Levi was only just beginning to get a sense of. But too innocent? No, apparently not. Apparently Eren had been disillusioned a long time ago. Another thing he was too young for.

"And this key," Eren burst, ripping at a chain around his neck. Levi heard a link snap as the necklace pulled free, and saw the ornate brass key that had hung beneath Eren's shirt for just a moment before it was tossed across the room where it hit the wall and fell behind a desk. "It doesn't even fucking open anything!" he screamed. Levi listened as Eren's voice cracked, watched in horror as tears welled in the brat's eyes and spilled down his cheeks. Eren's broken sob rattled Levi's chest as if Levi had made the noise himself.

Neither of them knew how Eren had ended up in Levi's arms, if Levi had moved on some intuition he hadn't even known he had, or if Eren had sought him out for comfort, but that was where they ended up. Levi kneeled on Eren's bed, hands tangled in the brunette's hair, pressing his tear-streaked face into Levi's shoulder. Eren had his arms wrapped around Levi's waist, hands clinging desperately to the older man's jacket. A part of Levi shuddered to realize that the brat was crying _all over him_ , his jacket now wrinkled, covered in snot and tears, but Levi shoved the feeling away. Right now, it didn't matter much, even if these clothes would be _thoroughly_ washed the moment he got home.

"It's okay, brat," he murmured against Eren's hair, even though he had no idea whether it was or not. "It's okay."

But Eren didn't calm down. His breath flew across Levi's neck in ragged pants, and his frame still shook against Levi's, and nothing Levi said could make it better. Levi couldn't say how long they stayed like that before the door opened behind them and a startled "the fuck?" pierced the air along with Eren's sobs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's that? Could it possibly be progress?
> 
> Does this constitute a cliffhanger? I really don't know, but I'm sorry if it does.
> 
> The writing for this chapter... isn't as good as I would have hoped. But I still like it.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, sometimes I'm embarrassed by the fact that I update so quickly, because it's a dead giveaway to the fact that I have no life, and then I realize that I do have a life, it's just spent on the internet. Also, this story has short chapters, so they're easy to write. Things would be different if I was trying to spit out 6,000+ words. Like, seriously, major respect for the authors who can actually do that on a regular basis.

"The fuck?"

Eren could feel Levi's shoulders stiffen, the man's fingers halting their shift through Eren's hair. With a sob caught in his throat on the way up, Eren turned his head away from Levi's neck to send the best glare he was currently capable of at Jean. The redness of Eren's eyes, the tears still welling there, and the wetness of his nose lessened the impact, if Jean's raised eyebrow was anything to go by.

"Get the fuck out," Eren stuttered, voice thick and congested. Each word caught repeatedly, faltering over and over like a scratched record as he tried to force them out.

"What?" Jean barked, curling his lip. "I don't care what kind of fit you're having or who the hell this guy is, but it's my room to, and I'm not gonna leave if I don't want to."

Eren jerked, a growl mixing with the sobs in his chest, and Levi's arms tightened around him, fingers digging harshly into Eren's scalp and scratching along it. Eren's grip on Levi's jacket shifted, pushing away now, instead of pulling closer, but Levi huffed under his breath and kept hold, forcefully pulling Eren's head back to his shoulder every time Eren tried to pull away.

"Stop squirming, brat," Levi scolding flatly. "I'm not going to let you kill your roommate."

"Who the fuck is this guy, Jeager?" Jean demanded, and Levi introduced himself blandly over Eren's head.

"Levi, huh? And do I even _want_ to know why you're currently acting as big spoon to my over emotional... friend." Eren growled again, pissed at the insinuation and at Jean's spiteful use of "friend."

Eren didn't want to _kill_ Jean, he just wanted to shut the asshole up. Knocking him unconscious would be okay, breaking his jaw would be ideal. Eren was furious, but the current target of his anger was already rotting in some morgue 5 counties over, so he needed to latch on to _someone_. Usually he wouldn't hesitate to take it out on Levi, but he was still overwhelmed by the memories of what Levi had said to him a week ago, and Eren didn't think he _could_ take it out on Levi right now. Now with Levi's hands tangled a bit too tightly in his hair, not with Levi's shoulder under his cheek, not with Levi's back beneath his hands.

It was _so easy_ to be mad at Jean, to funnel all the anger and hate and twisted sadness cause by Grisha at his horse-faced "friend." Even easier because Eren knew that Jean would take whatever Eren had to throw at him with a glare and some nasty words, but wouldn't hold a grudge for anything Eren did. Eren yanked at Levi's hold again, and this time, Levi let him go.

"Fine, I get it," he said, and Eren could detect the faintest trace of something that might have been amusement at the edges of the man's voice. "Just don't kill him, okay. If you do, I'm legally obligated to arrest you again, and I don't think Petra will let me shove all the paperwork for it onto her a second time." Eren ignored him, too angry and too unreasonable to reply, unsure of what he would have said even if he had been capable of response.

Eren stood and stepped forward, legs shaking slightly, and Jean had the chance to say one more snide word before Eren's fist met his face and Jean fell backwards into his bed, out cold. He would be more than a little annoyed when he woke up, but he and Eren did shit like this to each other all the time, and it was they had an unspoken agreement that neither of them would ever make _too_ big a deal about it.

Eren stared at Jean for a long moment before the tears started up again. He couldn't keep it together; he was tearing apart at the seams. Covering his mouth with his hand as a strangled sound clawed up his throat, Eren collapsed into his bed. Punching Jean hadn't helped at all. It had just made him feel worse. His knuckles ached now, and some of his anger had drained away, which just left more room for that _sadness_ that he shouldn't have even been feeling, that he hated himself for feeling.

His father was dead.

Grisha had killed himself.

As if he had any right.

Beside Eren, Levi was holding a cell phone - Eren's cell phone - fiddling with it. He didn't really know how to work the thing. It was old and battered, but he managed to locate Eren's contacts after a moment of button pressing. He considered calling Mikasa - she could probably calm the brat down, being his girlfriend and everything - but he didn't want to have to deal with the girl who had, in one meeting, proved herself to be incredibly spiteful and petty (perhaps understandably so, but no excusably). The better option came when he saw the name "Armin" at the top of the list. Levi had liked Armin. The kid was far smarter than his friend, anyway. Levi dialed the number listed and didn't even have to wait for an answer.

"Hey Eren. What's up?"

"It's not Eren," Levi said bluntly, belatedly realizing that that made him sound like some fucking kidnapper or something, calling to ask for a ransom. "It's Levi," he added.

"Levi? What are you - nevermind, is Eren okay?" The kid's voice was plagued with worry that Levi didn't know how to ease, or if he was even supposed to for that matter.

"Can you come to the brat's dorm? He's kind of a mess right now, and I don't want my pants to be the next victim of his snot."

"I'll be there in five." Armin hung up with no further question, despite how little information Levi had provided him in the brief call, and Levi took a moment to internally congratulate Eren for managing to land such a good friend. He closed Eren's phone and put it neatly back on the table where he had found it before turning back to the boy himself.

Eren's sobs, which had stopped momentarily while he confronted Jean, had returned full force. He was curled into himself, shaking, and he looked incredibly small, for the first time Levi had ever seen. Levi had planned to show himself out after ending his call, but with a disgusting twist in his stomach, he realized that he couldn't leave the brat alone, not when he was like this. The unconscious roommate hardly constituted company. Awkwardly, he sat besides Eren, unsure of what to do. His hand hovered uselessly before alighting on Eren's face, wiping some of the tears from under the kid's wide green eyes with a sigh.

He didn't know what the fuck he was supposed to do. He was shit with people and he didn't even know what was actually _wrong_ with Eren. Whatever it was, it wasn't as simple as his father being dead, that was for sure. It was more complex than that, and Levi couldn't do anything to fix it, couldn't even do anything to make the brat feel better.

So he mumbled generic words of comfort that probably didn't make any sense, and he ran his hand through Eren's hair, and he pulled the brat's hand away from his mouth when the brat bit his thumb hard enough to draw blood. The little shit bit Levi instead, and fuck that _hurt_ , but Levi couldn't even be more than mildly irritated about it.

If he was being honest with himself - which he either always was or never was, depending on the week - he was attached the the brat. Levi didn't _like_ him, as Hange so adamantly insisted. In fact, Levi was typically _annoyed_ by him, but Levi was still attached. He supposed getting attached to someone was inevitable after waiting 31 years for them to show up. Levi wasn't some girl who romanticized all the soulmates nonsense, but he had expected to end up with his. He had expected to end up with Eren

It was strange to try to match his expectations with reality. To try to put a name and face into the anonymous situation he had always imagined.

Armin arrived in four minutes. He burst through the door, his hair and clothes an absolute mess as result of his obvious rush, and he immediately set towards his friend. Levi moved out of the way, hovering towards the edge of the room, unsure if he should leave as Armin pulled Eren up and shook him violently.

"Eren," he shouted as said boy flopped limply like some kind of rag doll, still wailing. "Jesus Christ, it's going to be okay!" Levi had said it a hundred times, but for some reason, the words had a completely different effect when they came from the blonde. Eren was still crying, and he leaned forward to cling to Armin just like he had Levi, but he seemed less hysterical and after a few minutes of Armin shouting, Eren began to calm down. Levi wondered if he had been doing the comforting thing all wrong, or it Armin just had his own unique style - screaming until they calmed down.

Five minutes later, Levi had almost forgotten that he wasn't really meant to be there, but then Eren spoke.

"You can go now, Levi," he said against Armin's shoulder. He sounded completely spent. To be fair, he probably was. "Thanks for staying. I'm sorry about all this." Levi nodded numbly.

"You don't have to be sorry, brat. I put my number in your phone," he delivered the news uncertainly (not that he let it show), not sure how it would be received. "You can call. If you ever need anything."

Eren's first instinct was to say no, point blank, but then he remembered his endeavor to not be such an asshole all the time. He considered telling Levi he would call if he needed to, but then deleting the man's number without him knowing. That somehow seemed worse, especially considering everything that had happened today. Having Levi's number wouldn't hurt, as long as Mikasa never found it, and she wasn't the type to go through his phone, so that shouldn't be a worry.

"I will," Eren said, and he meant it. He would call, if he ever needed anything, though he doubted there would ever be something he needed from Levi. With a short parting nod, Levi left, and Eren hunkered down to tell Armin the whole story, feeling tired but far more secure now that his best friend was here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't like Armin... then just, just - and I mean this as politely as possible - leave. His character has so much potential for things like fanfics. There are so many different ways to write him, and half of them are just amazing. Protect this boy.
> 
> Sorry this chapter is so short. I considered merging 9 and 10, but then 9 would have been longer than average, and it would have broken my outline, and it was just easier this way. Hopefully this will be the shortest chapter in the story, because seriously, I'm not happy with the length :(


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus, I can't believe I'm already on chapter 11. Do you know what that means? This story is half way over. There's only 21 chapters, guys.
> 
> The first seven chapters of this story were just the same characters getting into the same arguments, but finally, we have some progress.

Levi did not expect Eren to call. He had given the boy his number anticipating that Eren would never need to use it - wouldn't _want_ to use it, even if he did need Levi for something. Levi wouldn't be surprised if the brat's first move after Levi had left had been to delete the older man's contact information. Really, Levi didn't know why he had programmed his number into Eren's phone in the first place, and he half hoped that the brat _did_ delete it. He couldn't think of a situation in which Eren would "need" him. If the day in Eren's dorm had proven anything, it was that Levi had nothing to offer. He had watched the boy fall to pieces, unable to do anything. If not for Armin, Levi would have spent fruitless hours trying to comfort Eren, and even then he would have failed miserably.

Levi didn't usually answer when an unknown number called his personal cell, especially not if it was 9PM and he was still at the station. He hated talking on the phone - it was awkward and inconvenient and unsanitary - and everyone worth answering was already listed in his contacts, so they would all show up on caller ID. But when the same number called three times within as many minutes, even Levi had to answer.

"What the fuck could you possibly want?" he barked, startling Petra who had stayed late with him to process some paperwork of her own.

"Thank God I finally got through," came the relieved voice from the other end of the call. "I could have sworn you weren't going to answer. Thought I was going to have to call someone else." Levi stiffened in disbelief. Petra stood and made her way to him. He held up a hand to stop her approach, but she ignored him.

"Eren?" he asked, ignoring his coworker in turn.

"Yeah. This _is_ Levi, right? I wasn't given a wrong number or something, was I? I can't think of anyone else who would answer their phone like that." Levi scoffed.

"Ha fucking ha, brat, very funny. It's me. Why are you calling?"

"You... told me I could, right?" Eren hesitated. "If I needed anything. Did you mean it?"

Worry hit Levi like a brick to the back of the head. Eren's voice carried something not dissimilar to what it had had the last time Eren and Levi talked, though that was almost a month ago, now. Hiding behind Eren's tentative question was a vein of anger - not the shallow type that Levi had seen so much of in their first few encounters, but the more profound variety, which he had only gotten a glimpse of during their last meeting. It made Levi uneasy, to have Eren calling him with _that_ voice, to try to think of a situation in which Eren would sound like _that_ and need _Levi_.

"What do you need?" Levi questioned. He felt like there was a pit of ice in the bottom of his chest, weighing on his stomach and pushing on his lungs. Asking someone what they needed was an every day occurrence in his life, but this time it somehow felt as if he was selling his soul.

"A ride," Eren responded simply. It seemed innocuous enough, but Levi wasn't relieved yet.

"Where are you?"

"I have no idea."

And there it was. The magical fulfillment of Levi's bad feeling. Certainly the first of many things that could potentially during and/or because of this phone call. Levi was already tired.

"Anything around you?"

"Not really. There's a gas station a little ways down the road, but I don't see anything else. No road signs, either."

"What's the name of the gas station?" Levi asked, and Eren told him, but Levi had no idea where the place was, had never even heard of it. A quick search on Google revealed that the internet hadn't heard of it either. The place was too small, or the name was too generic, or maybe it was a mixture of both, but Levi couldn't get any definitive results.

"Go wait there," Levi sighed, closing his browser and snagging his coat from the back of his chair. "I'll come get you."

"So you know where I am?" Eren asked, hope and relief making his voice lighter.

"No," Levi replied. Eren didn't say anything, but Levi could practically hear the brat's mood shatter against the ground as it crashed. "But I'll find you," he promised.

"Okay." Eren's tone was surprisingly doubt-free and trusting, considering how uncertain even Levi was about the circumstances. "I'm glad you answered your phone."

"So am I," Levi returned, and he was. The thought of Eren lost somewhere in the middle of the night, trying and failing to get into contact made Levi nauseous. He realized that the kid would have just called one of his friends, the blonde boy, Armin, probably, but his stomach didn't seem to acknowledge that realization.

He hung up without a good-bye; he would be seeing Eren soon enough.

But Levi had to find the brat, first.

"Petra," he began, looking over to his coworker, who was now standing besides his desk so she could shamelessly listen in on the conversation. She cut him off with a raised hand, not unlike the way he had attempted to stop her when she had started to make her way to him a few minutes earlier.

"If that was Eren, you need to go," she said with a soft smile that she probably intended to be understanding, though Levi didn't think she understood anything at all about him and Eren. "I can handle myself here for another hour. And Erwin's still lingering somewhere in the station, so I'll be fine." Levi nodded.

"Thanks." His rare expression of gratitude caused Petra to raise an eyebrow with a small knowing smile that Levi ignored, because, again, Levi didn't think she knew anything that she seemed to think she did.

Levi swung his coat over his shoulder, making for the door, long strides of short legs leading him quickly to his car. Before starting it, he leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes, allowing the part of himself that he had been trying to isolate for weeks to finally connect. It felt wrong (mostly because it felt right, when he knew it was _supposed_ to feel wrong) to finally embrace what he had been keeping at a distance.

It was strange to suddenly _know_ where Eren was. To feel all his muscles and his whole awareness and his entire being simultaneously pulling in the same direction, subtly tugging him closer to Eren because some part of Levi recognized that that was the _best place to be_. It was almost overwhelming. With a carefully controlled exhale, Levi turned his keys in the ignition and started driving.

Even with his instincts leading him in Eren's direction, finding the brat was no easy task. The pull Levi felt was subtle and unobtrusive, an everyday part of soulmates' lives, unless they chose to deny the bond. It wasn't particularly strong or specific, and it definitely didn't tell him exactly what roads to take. All Levi knew was that Eren was somewhere to the south-east, and all Levi could do was take his best guess at what roads would lead him there. Eventually, it would work.

"Eventually" turned out to be almost three hours later, when the green hours of the clock on Levi's dashboard were nearing midnight. Levi's skin was itching with worry and irritation. Worry because it was almost midnight, and he had left Eren alone where ever he was for almost three hours, and what if something had _happened_ (even though he knew that nothing had, and that Eren was right there at the gas station where he was supposed to be, and he was still fine). Irritation because Levi had been driving for almost three fucking _hours_ , driving in circles, not even sure of where exactly he was trying to go, following the slight tugging that he didn't even _want_ , because that tug would lead him to a boy who was too young, too stupid, and altogether too _taken_.

Eren had approached the car and gotten in before Levi could get out or so much as role his window down. The brat buckled himself in without a word or a glance, the hood of his jacket drawn up over his head. Levi observed him in silence for a moment before reaching up to flip the ceiling lights on. Eren cringed and Levi wanted to do the same.

The boy was covered in bruises. One of his eyes was black and a dark blotch covered one of his cheekbones and moved down along his jaw line. His hands were beat to hell, one of his knuckles suspiciously and worryingly swollen, and the wrist of his other hand was in a similar state. It had to hurt, but Eren showed no signs of being bothered by the pain.

"What would you have done if this wasn't my car?" Levi asked, ignoring Eren's condition. "What if I was some creep who saw you sitting there and decided to kidnap you? What would you have done?" Eren shrugged.

"No big deal," he said with a smile that looked as painful as his bruises. "I actually have a cop on my trail, you see. He told me he'd find me, and I'm taking his word for it. Now, I don't know much about the guy, but he could probably kick your ass." Levi snorted and rolled his eyes.

"The only one who beats me is me."

"Exactly."

The silence that fell between them then wasn't uncomfortable so much as it was electric. They both knew that it was only a matter of time before Eren had to spill the details of what had happened, and neither of them were looking forward to that moment. It didn't help that Levi had allowed the bond to connect to him in order to locate Eren. In and of itself, the bond didn't mean much. All it did was give soulmates a sense of each other's location and general well being. It was easily blocked or ignored. But the fact was that Levi had _accepted_ it. He had let it in, let it connect, and by doing so, he had done the same with Eren. Yes, he could block it or ignore it, but now he could never _get rid_ of it. He was bonded to Eren. And Eren still wasn't bonded to him. Never would be. It was a pride issue, more than anything else.

"I can take you back to your dorm," Levi broke the silence. "Or it there some other place you would rather go?"

"Not back to my dorm," Eren said, shaking his head. He fisted his hands and his skin stretched with the movement, splitting further in some places. Thin lines of blood traced their way around the creases of his fingers. "Not back to campus. I just - I don't want to see anyone. Don't want to have to _deal_ with anyone. Take me anywhere else, I don't care, just not back to my dorm."

"We're going back to my place, then," Levi decided, hoping that statement alone would somehow make Eren change his mind. "I'm tired as all hell." Eren nodded his consent.

Silence fell again, longer this time, but still just as full of anticipation. When they were halfway to Levi's flat, Eren broke it.

"Today's the day my mom died," he informed Levi blankly. "This day, ten years ago. Or yesterday, I suppose, since it's just past 1AM, now." Levi didn't reply. There was nothing for him to say.

"I always get kind of... out of it on the anniversary," Eren confessed. "A few days before I always start to get depressed. Then, on the actual day, I try to keep it together and go about my business, but I always end up blacking out."

"You black out and unconsciously beat people up?" Levi questioned dryly with a pointed look at Eren's bloody knuckles. Eren laughed with little humor.

"Guess so. I've never been able to remember - half the point of 'blacking out,' you know. I fight a lot normally, so it wouldn't be out of character. And then I come to covered in blood, bruises, and aching like I got hit by a truck."

"Maybe you did. You wouldn't know." Eren ignored him.

"I've never ended up in a jail cell or anything, though, so who knows exactly what I'm doing."

"Lucky you. Maybe you should try to take notes next time so you can figure out how to do the same when you're actually conscious."

"You know, one year I actually put Jean, my roommate, in the hospital. We were only 13. That was the first year it happened, and the town was small - there was no where for me to go to blow of steam when I lost it."

"And the guy's still willing to room with you?"

"Well, that's just the way Jean and I are," Eren said with a shrug. "If we held grudges for the shit we do to each other Jean and I would completely tear our group of friends apart."

The next silence was more companionable than the first two. Eren was the one to break it, again.

"Hey Levi?" he asked, voice brimming with curiosity. "How'd you find me?"

"I let the bond connect," Levi answered bluntly, turning onto the road to his place. There was no reason to hide it.

"Oh. I'm sorry you had to do that. I didn't mean to make you do that."

"Don't worry about it. I'll just ignore it or some shit. It's not all that bad."

"I know. But - You can't get rid of it, can you? It'll always be there."

"Yeah. It will."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at these dorks, not being dicks to each other. That's progress if I've ever seen it.
> 
> Okay, so, here's the deal. My family is coming down on Friday for my brother's wedding, and they'll be staying with my mom and I. Frankly, I don't know how comfortable I am writing gay fanfiction with my Aunt, cousins, and grandparents hanging around the house. So expect a brief hiatus (very brief, I'm talking a week, at most) starting either now, or after the next chapter, depending on how long my chores (gross) take me.
> 
> So basically, I'm just telling you not to worry if I don't update for a while, my schedule will be back to normal soon.


	12. ChapterTwelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Que backstory

Eren knew that he shouldn't have agreed to go to Levi's flat - knew that Levi didn't _want_ him to agree - but he didn't see how he had much of a choice in the matter. There was nowhere else he could go besides for his dorm, and that was the last place he wanted to be. Mikasa and Armin would no doubt be there, waiting for Eren to get home. He had no choice but to face them in the morning, but right now he was still disoriented from his time loss, still aching from whatever bullshit he had gotten up to, and still just the slightest bit tipsy from the alcohol he had apparently drank while he was out. He couldn’t handle his friends right now.

Mikasa would be frustrated. She used to cry when he came home, but as time passed her concern lessened. As did her understanding. Now she would yell and tell him to “stop doing this to her” every year, as if he had any control over it. She would interrogate him on every bruise and scrape she could see, refusing to treat them unless he told her what caused them, so he started treating his own injuries after his Blackouts years ago. He wouldn’t have told her what caused them, even if he had known. He assumed he got into fights. After all, he got into plenty of them when he was sober and relatively rational, and the one year he had _definitely_ gotten into a fight with Jean, even if he couldn’t remember any of it. But he never had come to in a jail cell, so he couldn’t be seeking out fights too actively. Sometimes, the cuts on his knuckles were filled with chips of tree bark and his wrists were covered in ragged slashes, and he started to wonder how many of his injuries were caused by fights, and how many he caused himself. Those were the injuries he never showed Mikasa. She saw the scars later, of course, but they never said anything, because she didn’t understand (and Eren really didn’t, either).

Armin, on the other hand, would be worried and disappointed. He would cry when Eren came home, and he would treat Eren like he was made of glass or some shit like that. Armin had tried to get Eren help so many times, but Eren had never complied. He didn’t want to pay some shrink who didn’t understand anything to psychoanalyze him. Every time he finally dragged himself home after a Blackout, Armin would give him this look of _relief_ that told Eren just how much the blonde had been tearing himself up inside while he waited. Eren hated doing that to Armin, hated making his friend worry year after year after year, especially when said friend had been offering Eren a simple solution for years – a solution that Eren refused to man up take, because he was more content to destroy himself than seek help from some third party. Eren wouldn’t apologize for it – _couldn’t_ apologize for it – but he knew that the first words out of his mouth if he saw Armin right now would be “I’m so sorry.”

Eren was determined to put off facing them until tomorrow, until after he had had at least a few hours’ sleep, and going to Levi’s place presented the best way to do that. Levi’s apartment was small and looked entirely unlived in. There were no photos on the walls, no magazines on the table, no dishes or clothes laying around. The books and other personal effects Eren spotted in the living room and kitchen area were all so immaculate and neatly placed that Eren had a hard time believing that they were for anything other than show.

“Sit there,” Levi said with a gesture to the couch. “Try not to get blood on everything while I get my first-aid kit.” He disappeared down a short hallway that presumably led to the bedroom and bathroom while Eren followed his instructions and sat stiffly on the couch, finally folding his hood away from his head. Plaster drifted down from his hair and he cringed as a fine dust or it settled over his shoulders and on the couch around him. He didn’t even want to know how he had gotten a wall’s worth of plaster-dust in his hair.

Levi returned, first-aid kit in hand, but took one look at the mess Eren had already formed and shook his head. “No,” he said flatly. “Never mind. Get your ass up, we’re doing this in the bathroom. You’ll clean that up later.” Eren sighed, nodded, and stood, each movement causing another shower of white powder to drift from his hair, onto the things around him. Eren could easily read the “are you shitting me” look in the thin press of Levi’s lips, and wondered when he had perfected that particular ability. Getting a grip (which was blessedly loose) on Eren’s wrist, Levi dragged him into the small bathroom, shoving the brunette down so he was seated on the toilet seat before kneeling in front on him.

“You’re a mess,” Levi said, as he fished disinfectant from the kit, eyes scanning Eren’s face. Eren was sure that he must look significantly worse in the well-lit bathroom, as compared to the dim interior of Levi’s car. “You have no idea how any of this happened?”

“Not a one,” Eren answered dryly, looking at the multiple bruises and lacerations along his hands. Levi hummed thoughtfully, and Eren detected the faintest trace of concern that he wished he could call unjustified.

“Let’s hope there’s nothing too serious. Take your jacket off.” Wincing, Eren did so, pulling his jacket off and tossing it to the side. He hadn’t seen whatever injuries may lay under his jacket, but he could _feel_ them, and they weren’t pretty. “Shirt, too,” Levi added. Tugging his shirt off proved to be harder. The movement aggravated several injuries that Eren didn’t want to look at, think about, or in any way acknowledge. He closed his eyes and left them that way. Levi’s sigh sounded pained.

“I barely even know where to start,” he admitted. “Take some painkillers and give me your hands, I guess. That’s as good a start as any.” Eren popped the pills he was given and swallowed them dry, reluctantly opening his eyes before extending his hands. He adamantly ignored the marks on his wrists, but Levi’s first move was to flip Eren’s arm over and ghost a finger along one of the wounds.

“Did you do this to yourself?” he asked, fingers tensing around Eren’s wrist, but not tightening. His pinky shifted restlessly. Even now, when Eren found himself able to read the concern and faint anger Levi was feeling in his face and voice, the man’s hands were still the most impressive part of him.

“Probably,” Eren confessed, trying to turn his arm away. “I can’t really remember.” Levi held fast for a moment before thankfully letting Eren have his way. Expression determined and focused, Levi picked up an alcohol-damp cloth and went to work. He didn’t bother being gentle about it, prodding each of Eren’s knuckles to feel out potentially problematic fractures. It hurt, but it was a kind of pain that Eren was well accustomed to, so he didn’t so much as hiss at Levi’s touch. Levi cleaned the cuts and scrapes on both of Eren’s hands methodically, taping two of Eren’s fingers together on both hands, so the sprained ones would heal straight.

When Levi finished Eren’s hands, he moved onto his wrists, his touch notably more gentle – tender almost – and tears welled behind Eren’s eyes.

“My mom died nine years ago,” he said, the words spilling from his mouth before the tears even had a chance to spill from his eyes.

“How’d she go?” Levi asked. Eren could hear the hesitance in his question, and knew that Levi didn’t know what to say, that Levi was afraid of saying the wrong thing. It was okay though. He said the right thing.

“She killed herself,” Eren responded, lips tilting in a pained parody of a smile as he stared at his arms. “She slit her wrists.”

Eren hated what his mother did to herself, and he hated that he would ever consider doing the same. He hated that he went through with it during a time he couldn’t even remember. He hated that he had had scars from it since he was seventeen years old. He hated that Armin and Mikasa pretended not to see the scars, because they could handle a lot of stupid bullshit, but they didn’t know how to handle _this_.

He hated it, and sometimes himself, and for some reason he wanted Levi to know.

“I found her in the bathtub. She was crying. She apologized to me. Said she didn’t want to leave me, but she died before the ambulance got there.”

“Were your parents soulmates?” Levi asked. His voice sounded the same as ever, but Eren knew from the slight twitch of Levi’s fingers that the man hadn’t intended to say what he did. He tended to just blurt things out, it seemed, even if he showed no signs of it afterwards. He had no brain-to-mouth filter.

“Yes.”

Eren knew what Levi was thinking; when he was younger, Eren thought the same thing. The bond that connected soulmates – the bond that Levi had accepted in order to find Eren – served two very simple purposes. The first: a subtle tug, an instinctive desire to go to your soulmate, and a natural knowledge of the direction you need to go to find them. The second: an awareness of your soulmates well-being, a type of internal alarm that can be triggered by pain or by extreme negative emotions. Hypothetically speaking, Eren’s father should have been able to sense that Eren’s mother was in danger and _save her_.

“He blocked it,” Eren explained sharply. “Ignored it so completely that he didn’t even know when she was _dying_.”

“Is that why you don’t want a soulmate?” Levi questioned, dropping the cloth over the side of the tub behind him and picking up a roll of bandages to carefully wrap Eren’s wrists.

“It’s part of the reason,” Eren confessed. He had never actually admitted it aloud before, not even to Armin. “My father was a bad man.”

“Tell me,” Levi said, and it wasn’t a request or an order, but something in between that Eren couldn’t say no to. Eren let Levi guide his arms into different positions as he tended to the bruises along Eren’s torsos. Levi’s hands were cold. After a long moment, Eren oblidged.

“He and my mother were both with other people when they met,” he recounted. One of Levi’s hands rested flat against the curve of Eren’s ribs. “My mother was in love with a boy she had been dating for almost a year. My father had been matched with a girl by his father – someone pretty, and of high social standing, as was expected of the old Jeager family. But he didn’t love her. Apparently, he fell in love with my mother the first time he saw her. Mom didn’t want to leave her boyfriend, but eventually she gave him up. It was probably the worst decision she ever made.

“My parents were happy together for a while. They had each other, and then they had me, and things were good. But when I was around five years old, they went downhill. Grisha got into gambling, and his job couldn’t support us, and he got into some _unsavory_ stuff to make money. He grew increasingly unhappy, and he started to blame Mom for it.”

Levi had halted his work. His hands quit their methodical healing in favor of running soothing along Eren’s sides. Eren closed his eyes, leaning forward until his hair hung against the top of Levi’s head.

“When I was six, he started hitting us. At first, it was just her, because he blamed her for ruining his life. He said everything would have been better if he had stayed with the girl his father had chosen for him, but Mom was his _soulmate_ and he gave everything up for her. Soon he was hitting me, too, because I was the _ungrateful brat_ he had with the _lying whore_.”

Levi’s hands wound from Eren’s sides to his back. The loose embrace was awkward, but oddly soothing, and the press of Levi’s palms against his spine kept Eren grounded.

“Our situation stabilized within the year. Mom got a job, money was fine, we took Mikasa in, and everything should have gone back to normal, should have been okay. But it didn’t. It wasn’t.

“He never touched Mikasa. She had nothing to do with it in his mind. I wouldn’t have let him, anyway. Even at seven, I would rather get hurt myself than have Mikasa or Armin hurt. It was only Mom and me. When I was ten, I guess it all got to be too much for her. I can’t imagine what it must be like to give up everything – your friends, your family, your bright, happy future – all for one person, who eventually betrays you when everything you had every learned promised they wouldn’t.”

Levi’s head thumped against Eren’s shoulder. Eren isn’t sure which of them moved closer.

“She died. Grisha was worse than ever. And then, when I was thirteen, he just up and left. Disappeared. I knew he was still alive, but I hadn’t heard a word from him until you gave me that letter. His _suicide_ letter. That bastard didn’t deserve to die, especially not on his own terms. Then he has the nerve to tell me that he “didn’t want to leave me.” He left me for the first time when I was six years old. Left me broken on the basement floor, covered in blood.”

Tears dripped from Eren’s nose to Levi’s hair, and Eren wondered distantly in Levi worried about things like that in the middle of moments like this.

“Mikasa and Armin, they don’t – they try, but – but they can’t understand.”

“I understand,” Levi whispered urgently, as if he was relaying the most important information. His lips brushed the bare skin of Eren’s collarbone as he tilted his head. “I understand,” he repeated. “I was in the foster system, and I had shit luck. I’m sure you’ve heard the stories. It’s not like that for everyone, but it was for me. I ran away when I was twelve, and thing only got worse. I joined a gang, I became a fucking _soldier_. I mugged people, I shot people, might have even killed one or two, I don’t fucking know.”

Eren wanted to twine his hands through Levi’s hair, but he couldn’t even bend his taped fingers. He wrapped his arms around the older man instead. He was afraid Levi would fall apart (he got the distinct impression that Levi didn’t _talk_ about these things), because this was _Levi_ , and Eren couldn’t even imagine it.

“I was stuck there until I was twenty, when Erwin found me. I tried to mug him. I held him at gunpoint, threatened his life, and Eyebrows just fucking smiles and offered me a job. My friends – Isabel and Farlan – they were a lot like me, but less lucky.”

“What happened to them?” Eren asked. Levi pulled back, eyes flashing like mercury.

“Maybe I’ll tell you when you’re older, brat.”

Levi had said everything he needed to. Eren understood.

Levi pulled himself out of Eren’s grasp, and they both sat in silence for a long time as they regained their composure before Levi went back to his work. They pretended, for the moment, that nothing had happened, even though their eyes shone with understanding whenever they met and Levi’s hands were shaking slightly.

“You know,” Eren said, in an attempt at lightness as Levi dabbed at the darkened skin beneath his eye, “I want to go into law enforcement.”

“Then you should start going to your fucking classes, brat,” Levi scoffed.

“How do you know about that?” Eren demanded, with an exaggerated pout. There was still a thick feeling in his chest, but pretending it wasn’t there helped.

“Hange never shut ups. Sometimes I have no choice but to listen.” Eren laughed, and it was almost completely genuine.

When Eren was all patched up, Levi dragged him back to the living room before disappearing down the hallway again. He returned with a set of blankets and a small, handheld vacuum. Eren cleaned the mess of plaster with a sheepish smile and Levi’s supervision.

“You can stay here,” Levi said with a nod to the now-clean couch when Eren finished. “It’s big enough, and pretty comfortable, otherwise I would offer you the bed.”

“No, this is fine,” Eren said, spreading one of the blankets over the length of the couch before seating himself. Levi stared for a long enough moment to make Eren uncomfortable before he moved forward, resting one knee on the cushion next to Eren and one hand on the back of the couch. The position gave him a slight height advantage, and as their faces grew closer, Eren noted that Levi’s eyes were more blue than usual. One of Eren’s hands found itself on Levi’s shoulder, clenching in the fabric of the man’s shirt as much as it could manage with some fingers bound.

“Levi,” Eren whispered into the inch of space between them. “Don’t do this.”

Levi’s eyes flickered over Eren’s face, lingering on his lips for a long moment before making intense eye contact. They both knew that Levi could close the gap between them and meet no protest. In that moment, if Levi pressed forward, Eren would kiss back with no complaint and plenty of enthusiasm. Eren could see the movement of Levi’s throat as he swallowed.

“Okay,” the man murmured. “I won’t, then.” He pulled away, dragging his hand through Eren’s hair as he removed it from the back of the couch. “Goodnight, Eren.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's just how the cookie crumbles, folks. You'll probably want to vacuum it up quickly, or Levi will get mad


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Eren had half-formed plans to leave Levi's flat before the man woke up, but by the time Eren came to, it was almost noon and Levi had been up for hours. The man was perched on a chair to the side, tapping away at a handheld game. He glanced up when Eren yawned and stretched his arms above his head as he sat up.

"You sleep like the dead," Levi announced blandly. "If the dead drooled everywhere and mumbled to themselves." Feeling his face grow hot, Eren instinctively wiped the back of his hand across his chin, clearing away the saliva that had tracked there with a grimace.

"Sorry," he muttered, voice raspy with sleep.

"You're disgusting," Levi informed him impartially before standing and stretching out a hand. "Let's find you a shirt and go. I was supposed to start work at eight." Eren eyed Levi's hand warily before allowing the older man to pull him up.

"Pretty late, aren't you?" Eren asked, glancing to the clock which had officially passed twelve two minutes ago. "Nobody's going to get upset, are they?"

"I already called Eyebrows and told him I didn't know when I would be coming in." Levi squeezed Eren's hand before dropping it, the pressure subtle, but strong enough to remind Eren what had happened the night before.

Levi had almost kissed him, and Eren had almost let him. Eren had had alcohol in his system. He had been emotionally vulnerable and he was seeking some kind of physical affection and comfort because of that. That's why Eren would have let Levi kiss him.

But that wasn't why Eren wanted him to.

Eren had wanted Levi to kiss him because the man had been so open and understanding, because his eyes had been so blue and Eren had seen sympathy in them instead of pity. He had wanted Levi to kiss him because of the way the man touched him, the way the man held him – not like Eren was going to fall apart, but like it was Levi's personal mission to hold him together.

Eren still wanted Levi to kiss him, for all the same reasons, but he still didn't plan on _letting_ Levi do it. Not when Eren was still with Mikasa, and he couldn't ever imagine _not_ being with Mikasa, even as he was led down the hall to Levi's bedroom.

"Your shirt was a complete fatality," Levi told him, voice muffled as he dug through his closet. "Your jacket was a little better, since the fabric was dark, but a little better than a _fucking catastrophe_ is still a disaster. Even Tide can't work miracles."

"Do you even have anything that will fit me?" Eren stood straighter and looked down to Levi to make his point, receiving a glare in return.

"Probably not a shirt," Levi admitted, pointedly turning his glower back to his wardrobe. "You're the size of a titan or some shit, but I should have a sweatshirt somewhere that'll work." Eren smirked, but Levi shook his head before Eren could make any comments. "And if you dare to say anything about my height, I will _end_ you."

"Okay, fine," Eren conceded, lifting his hands in a placating gesture. "Consider me silent. I was just going to say that it's amazing you even have anything, considering-"

A was of heavy black fabric slammed into Eren's face, and he reeled back, pressing a hand over his nose. It hurt a bitch, especially with all his bruises from the night before, but Eren couldn't help but laugh when he caught sight of Levi smug, defiant expression.

"Oh, was there a shoe in there?" Levi asked in mock concern, a flat, sarcastic edge to his voice. "I wonder how that could have possibly gotten there." Eren retrieved the jacket from the floor, a black loafer tumbling out as the fabric unfolded. Picking up the shoe, Eren tossed it at Levi's head in a half-hearted attempt at revenge, but the man caught it deftly with a challenging raise of an eyebrow.

"You bitch," Eren gasped, his insult punctuated with chuckles that drastically lessened its impact.

"Just put the sweatshirt on so we can go. I'm pretty sure Glasses stole it from Erwin and then left it here, so it should definitely fit you." With a smile, Eren tugged it over his head, ignoring the protests of his shoulders as he dragged it into place. Sure enough, the jacket more than fit him, hanging over his thighs and covering the tips of his fingers.

"I wonder if this is what you would feel like in my clothes," Eren joked as he held the floppy sleeves up for inspection, receiving a harsh slap to the back of his head for his efforts. He restrained himself from saying that he was proud of Levi for managing to _reach_ his head, content to laugh softly to himself as Levi pushed him from the apartment.

"So, are your friends going to be suspicious?" Levi asked as he led the way to his car. "It's obvious that _someone_ took care of you last night. What are you going to tell them?"

Eren's eyes widened at the question. It hadn't occurred to him, but Levi had a point, a good one, at that. Eren frequently took care of his own scrapes and bruises, but he couldn't have bandaged his arms as neatly as Levi did, and he wouldn't have thought to tape his own fingers. Armin would realize immediately. Mikasa would probably take a little longer, but she would too, eventually. It was only a matter of time before Eren told Armin all the details of what had happened, but he _never_ wanted to tell Mikasa anything about it.

Lying was really his only option. Hopefully Mikasa would be too frustrated and short with him to notice any of him many obvious tell. Armin would notice before, but Eren trusted that his friend wouldn't say anything until the two of them were alone together. Eren was relatively confident in his ability to deceive Mikasa, but he would need an alibi.

"I need to call a friend," he said, pulling out his cell phone as he stepped into the passenger side of Levi's car. He dialed the number he wanted and held his breath.

"Eren?"

"Hey Krista. Would you mind doing me a favor?"

"Of course not," she replied. Eren could hear her smile and he thanked God that she was so nice.

"I need you to cover for me," he told her. "Can you tell anyone who asks that I was at your's yesterday? That you fixed me up? Especially Mikasa, if she calls."

The other line was silent for a moment and Eren worried that Krista was actually going to turn him down before she said: "You're not cheating on her, are you?" Her voice was fraught with worry. "I'm sorry Eren, but I can't lie to her for you if you are."

"What?" he exclaimed. "No! Of course I'm not. I would never do that to her." He ignored the fact that he almost had. "I just don't want her to worry." Krista sighed in relief.

"Okay then. If anyone askes, you were with me."

"Thanks Krista. You're a lifesaver."

"It's no problem. Everything's okay, right?"

"Everything's fine. I'll talk to you later. Maybe buy you a drink sometimes as thanks, assuming Ymir won't murder me for it."

"I'd like that. Bye, then." Eren hung up and turned to find Levi looking at him with well-masked curiosity.

"So who was that?" Levi questioned, turning his eyes back to the road.

"Krista Lenz. She's practically a goddess. I've been friends with her since tenth grade, and she's studying to be a nurse, so she patches me up sometimes when I get into fights and Mikasa won't. She's helped me out a couple of times after a Blackout, so it's not hard to believe. And she's a surprisingly good liar and she's good at keeping secrets from everyone besides her girlfriend. She tells Ymir everything, but Ymir won't say anything if it might make Krista mad."

"No one will wonder about the jacket?" Eren shrugged thoughtfully, tugging at the hem.

"Armin probably will," he said. "He won't say anything about it, though. And – don't hit me or anything, but you're hardly the first person someone would think of when they see me in a jacket that's too big." Levi spared him a glare and Eren returned it dramatically with a cheeky grin. "Mikasa might notice, but she won't connect it with you, and that's really all that matters."

"Can you stop mentioning her?" Levi blurted. Eren pulled back, leaning heavily into his seat and blinking in surprise. "I get that she's your girlfriend and all, but I really don't want to hear about it." Levi stubbornly fixed his eyes on the road, knuckles while against the steering wheel.

"Sorry," Eren mumbled, ears burning as he turned his own eyes to watch the scenery pass outside his window. He had been speaking about Levi like he was some kind of dirty affair Mikasa couldn't find out about, and Eren realized with an ashamed, uncomfortable burning in his chest, that the assessment wasn't entirely inaccurate. "I wasn't thinking."

Levi dropped Eren off outside campus with some awkward words of parting and Eren watched with a knot in his stomach as the man drove away. He wondered if, maybe, he was leading Levi on. And then he started to wonder about the many things that that statement brought along with it.

Did Levi actually _like_ Eren? Eren knew now that Levi had wanted a soulmate, but did Levi actually want _Eren_ to be that soulmate? If he did, was Eren encouraging those feelings? If Eren was, did he have any plans to reciprocate? Did he want to? Was he already?

Each question bred more, but none of them spawned any answers. Eren found himself dizzy from the introspection, and shook his head to clear it. It worked for the most part, but one question clung to his consciousness, echoing around his head. Did he have feelings for Levi?

As he walked back to his dorm, he realized the answer. It wasn't a sudden epiphany. It didn't sneak up on him. When he realized, it wasn't a discovery so much as an acknowledgement of something that had _always been there_.

Of course he had feelings for Levi. The man was _tailor-made_ for Eren to have feelings for him – Eren wouldn't bother denying it anymore. Eren's stomach rolled and his hands clammed up, because _what the hell_ had he gotten himself into? He loved Mikasa, he really did, but it wasn't the same as it used to be, and that terrified him. What terrified him more was the fact that these new feelings he had weren't for his soulmate as a concept, but for Levi as a person. They were for the way Levi had gotten more animated the more Eren spoke with him, for the way the man's hands gave away what he was feeling, for his neatness and his OCD, for his sarcasm, and for the way he looked at Eren.

Eren couldn't deny it anymore.

He opened the door to him dorm, feeling overwhelmed but strangely empty, like he was ready for sleep after a long day. Armin and Mikasa met him.

"Jesus Eren," Mikasa sighed. "It took you long enough. We've been waiting here since last night, where the hell have you been? You look like-"

"Mikasa!" Armin snapped, gaining the attention and silence of both Mikasa and Eren. Armin rarely got aggressive, but now he was seething. "Get out!" he shouted at her. "Just leave and come back later. You two have been dragging your relationship through the mud for weeks, and you're about to be a complete bitch. No! Don't even try to argue with me, you know it's true, and you'd regret it in a couple of days, so just leave now and come back when you can at least be a good friend, if not a good girlfriend."

Mikasa gaped at him, growing more flustered with each moment that passed before she eventually flipped them both off, shouted "fuck you, too, Armin," and fled from the room. The storm on Armin's face cleared, replaced by worry as he steered Eren over to the bed and sat them down.

"You look better than you usually do after a Blackout," Armin noted, carefully inspecting Eren's face, and then his arms. "Who helped you?" Armin cut quickly to the chase, his no-nonsense demeanor eliminating any hopes Eren may have been harboring about avoiding the topic.

"Levi." Evasion was pointless. Armin sighed and nodded as if he had seen it coming (which he probably had).

"Tell me everything."

Eren did. He told Armin every detail he could recall from the night, barring only the bits Levi had revealed about his past. Levi had trusted Eren with that information, and Eren had no plans to divulge it, not even to Armin. All he said was that Levi could understand, and left it at that, while Armin listened to the rest of the account in neutral silence.

"You've practically dug your way to China, here, Eren," Armin noted objectively. Eren had learned over the years that keeping things from Armin was pointless – counter-productive, even. Armin never held anything against Eren, no matter what the brunette confessed to. The information never had a negative effect on their friendship, and Armin never judged him. Most often, Armin used his level-headedness to balance out Eren's irrationality and help him make decisions that weren't complete shit. Sometimes it was like having a guardian angel.

"I know," Eren sighed, hanging his head in his hands. They sat in silence for a long moment before a glance at the clock had Eren bolting up. "Shit! I have class!"

"You're actually going to class?" Armin asked dubiously as Eren darted around the room to collect his long-neglected school supplies.

"Yep!" Eren called in return as he darted from the room, bag bouncing against his side. When he told Levi that he wanted to go into law enforcement, Eren hadn't been joking. And Levi had been right – going to class was a first step he had to take, even if it bored him to death.

**x**

Over the next week, Eren hadn't skipped a single class. Armin and Mikasa were baffled but proud, but Eren wasn't doing this for them. As he leaned over an essay for his Criminology class (which was awesome, by the way, he didn't know why he had stopped going) his eyes kept trailing over to his phone, resting innocently to the side. After a deep breath, he picked it up, composing a new text message.

'Hey Levi, your a cop, right?' Eren snapped his phone shut and tossed it far to the side, already regretting sending the message. He tried to focus on his work, but the next thing he registered was the chime of his phone five minutes later.

'If you're trying to tell me that you've killed someone and need help hiding the body, you're going about it all wrong.' Ignoring Levi's sarcasm, Eren replied immediately.

'So you no about laws and stuff.' Eren felt like a moron for stating the obvious yet again, and regretted this message even more than the first. Levi's reply only took two minutes, this time.

'Not really, no. I just arrest people lottery-style. You were the one millionth customer. Congratu-fucking-lations.'

'Can u help me with my school work?'

'What?'

'I havent gone to classes in a long time, so I'm super behind. I don't really know whats goin on. Can you help? Like, answer questions n stuff?' After a few minutes, Eren worried that Levi would say no, and after several more, he thought that Levi wouldn't reply at all, but when Levi's reply came, it was simple.

'Sure.'

Eren took that as permission to text Levi whenever he need help, and he took blatant advantage of the fact. With Levi answering questions whenever Eren had them, Eren was actually doing fairly well on all of his assignments. His overall grades still left something to be desired, after missing so much class, but he was gradually bringing them back up. Eventually, as he began to catch up on class material, Eren began think up questions to ask Levi just so he could strike up conversation afterwards. Levi must have noticed, but he didn't seem to mind.

Eren was substantially happier, acting more like he had in the time before he met Levi. Mikasa attributed it to their "healing relationship," but Eren knew, even if he wouldn't admit it, that he was happier because of Levi. Happier because he was talking to the man so casually on such a regular basis.

Armin knew, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The errors in Eren's texts are intentional, btw. I imagine him being an absolutely atrocious texter most of the time, but he was trying (failing) to be careful this time, since it was his first time texting Levi. Eren is such a preteen girl, sometimes (read: all the time).


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you all know, I have plans to edit this story when it's finished. All the typos and grammatical errors will be taken care of as soon as I finish chapter 21. Consider everything up right now a rough draft, if you will
> 
> This chapter, it's time for the real talks and basically nothing else. Not very exciting, sorry.

Eren managed to go a solid week before Armin cornered him, and that Eren held out that long was a miracle in and of itself. Perhaps he was being indecisive and contradictory by telling himself not to hide things from Armin and then immediately failing to confide some of the most important details of the situation, but Eren was still conflicted about everything himself. Acknowledging his feelings for Levi and _understanding_ them were two different things, just as admitting them to himself and admitting them to _Armin_ were entirely separate issues. Eren wasn't ready to verbalize any of it, not to the attentive ears of his best friend, not even to the stoic silence of a completely empty room.

But Armin, apparently, was tired of waiting.

When the full extent of Eren's stubborn reluctance became clear, Armin resorted to his version of "drastic measures," neatly nabbing Eren's phone before herding the boy into the bathroom with an expression that brooked no argument. Eren found himself seated on the grubby tile floor of the too-small bathroom, slouching against the door that had clicked locked a moment after it closed. Unfortunately, the bathroom connected to Eren's dorm room connected was shared by another, and locked from both sides for privacy reasons. He could turn the lock on his side all he wanted, but Armin was waiting on the other to turn it right back. He could go through the other dorm room, but the two guys in there were complete dicks who were twice Eren's size, and would undoubtedly just toss Eren straight back in before going to their RA to complain. Eren was trapped until Armin deigned to release him.

"So, you just got a text," Armin announced casually, voice drifting easily through the thin door. Eren sighed, hunching his shoulders up around his ears. "Levi says he knew you would do well on the paper because he practically wrote it for you. He also wants to know if you've murdered 'Kirst-dick,' because you apparently haven't complained about him in a day or two. I'm guessing 'Kirst-dick' is Jean, right? Clever."

"Levi seems to think so," Eren mumbled into his knees, tactlessly avoiding the topic Armin was trying to bring to the fore. "I think it's fitting, myself."

"So is this what you two have been talking about nonstop for the past eight days?" Armin asked. "How much Jean annoys you?" Eren shrugged, even though Armin couldn't see.

"Yeah, I guess. Jean, Hange, school, work – nothing important, really."

"Oh, really? So if I open your texts right now, that's all I'll find? Just unimportant nonsense?" Eren tensed, jerking away from the door before spinning around to bang a fist against it.

"Don't you dare, Armin."

"Why not?" the blonde questioned with a deceptive innocence that made a muscle in Eren's jaw tick. "It's just Jean, Hange, school, and work, right? That's nothing I shouldn't see."

"Armin, _don't_. We – we talk about our pasts sometimes, okay?" Eren closed his eyes tightly, pressing his forehead against the door hard enough to leave a faint mark by the time he pulled away. "You may know everything about mine already, but you don't know shit about his, and it's none of your fucking business, anyway."

Despite the fact that Armin had been egging Eren on, obviously expecting something, he sounded completely baffled when he spoke next. "It was one thing that you told him – I could understand that, given the circumstances – but you've actually been _talking_ about it?"

"You should be happy," Eren deflected. "You've always wanted me to talk about it with someone other than you, right? This is what you've wanted for years." The lock clicked and the door swung open a moment later, leaving Eren to blink up at the solemn face of his best friend.

"This is more serious than I thought," Armin sighed as Eren stood. "This really isn't a conversation that we should have while you're locked up in the bathroom as a flight risk. If you would kindly _not_ run the moment I step out of the doorway, it would be much appreciated."

"This really isn't a conversation we should have at all," Eren huffed. He brushed passed Armin easily, but made no attempt to leave his dorm, sitting on his bed instead, positioning his pillows so he could lean heavily against the wall.

"It needs to be done," Armin insisted, crossing the short length of the room to sit on Jean's bed. "This isn't just about you and Levi, it's about you and Mikasa. If there's one place I have any right to meddle, it's there. I've been with you two since the beginning. I've been with _you_ since before you met her."

"I don't know what you want me to say." There were a million things that he _could_ say, but none of them were sentiments that Eren actually wanted (or knew how) to put into words. Of those thoughts, he was even more lost as to which ones Armin was looking for.

"You have feelings for him, don't you?" Armin asked, and Eren couldn't even nod in confirmation, returning the question with a desperate one of his own.

"What do I do, Armin? Tell me what to do."

"I can't do that. You know I can't."

"Then help me make the right choice myself," Eren requested. Requested, because there was no way he was begging, no way that he was so torn apart by the couple of months that he had known Levi that he would actually _beg_ for help. Armin's face colored with a regret that had Eren's heart sinking.

"There is no right choice," Armin said softly. Eren's face whitened. "No matter what you do, someone is going to get hurt. No matter what you do, you're going to hurt yourself. There's no getting out of this unscathed."

"Then help me make _a_ decision. _Any_ decision."

Armin did as asked, explaining the situation and available choices as clearly and objectively as he could. Eren had two viable options.

Mikasa was safe. She and Eren loved each other – they always would, no matter what they went through, and no matter how they fought. They needed each other, had been together for so long and through so much that they didn't know how to live without each other. That's why they had started dating. If Eren chose Mikasa (and he hated to think about it in those terms, hated to acknowledge that he was actually considering _not_ choosing Mikasa) they would be together forever. There was no doubt that they would get married, and they would be happy together, for the most part. Their relationship had always had extreme ups and downs – was in one of those "extreme downs" at the moment, actually – and that would never go away. Eren was prone to first of anger, and Mikasa always accidentally antagonized him and made it worse. Sometimes that festered between them, but at the end of the day, they made the relationship work. Eren could stay with her forever and not worry about how things were going to be. He would always have someone to go back to, and no matter how bad things got, he could rest easy, knowing that they were going to be okay in only a matter of time.

Levi, on the other hand, was the risk. A huge risk, surrounded by variables. Eren knew him, but didn't know him well. A relationship between them could potentially end in disaster. Maybe that was more likely than it being successful. For one thing, Levi was a _man_ and Eren had never been – and still wasn't – attracted to men. Levi was no exception to that. Eren wanted to be close to Levi in ways he couldn't completely understand, but he still felt no _attraction_ to the man, and Eren had no clue how that could affect a potential relationship. There was also Eren's reservations towards the whole concept of "soulmates" in general. Levi had done nothing wrong, but Eren found himself reminded of Grisha, regardless. Levi wasn't cruel, but he was a far cry from kind, and who knew how he could change as time went on? Who knew what he was or wasn't capable of? Just by existing, Levi was silently demanding that Eren give up everything for him. Eren was terrified that doing so would lead to his own destruction, like it had for his mother. And to choose Levi would mean _giving up_ Mikasa, a term that Eren could come to terms with, even as he realized the potential of a relationship between himself and Levi. But there was always the chance that being with Levi would be _perfect_. That it would be everything Eren had only gotten a hint of in their moments of banter and quiet understanding. There was the possibility that Levi really was everything society had promised: Eren's destines other half. Eren and Levi had been connected by red lines around their arms for _31 years_. That was twelve years longer than Eren had even been _alive_. It was also no small matter that Eren could _feel_ Levi beneath his skin whenever he thought about the man, feel the gentle, reassuring tug that was always saying "he's that way if you need him." Eren had no idea when he had opened himself up to the bond enough to let it actually connect, but he had realized a few days ago, and he hadn't been able to bring himself to block it. He couldn't imagine cutting it off like that (and wouldn't admit that, if he did, he feared he would someday Levi would die with Eren none-the-wiser).

The irony was not lost on Eren. For years, he had thought he was being so daring by staying with Mikasa instead of searching for his soulmate. He thought he was taking some huge _risk_ on her, when he now realized that it was the opposite. Mikasa had always been his safety net, and half the reason he wanted to say with her was because he had _always_ been with her, and no longer knew how to be _without_ her. He had thought that his soulmate was the safe option, because everything in society said that he should be with them, but choosing Levi would be risking _everything_.

At the end of everything, Eren's choice seemed obvious, but no easier.

"I don't know how to do it," he sighed, gripping his hair tightly. "I can't lose her, I _can't_."

"You know," Armin said, with forced lightness, "I was so upset when you two started dating. I saw it coming, and I knew there was nothing I could do to stop it, but you two were never good together. You didn't start dating because you loved each other. You did love each other, but that wasn't your motive. You only started dating because you _needed_ each other. You were best friends, like siblings almost, but you were so desperate to be as close as you could, to never lose each other no matter what, that you started dating, even though you weren't a good romantic match. You two don't even know _how_ you love each other anymore: friends, siblings, lovers – your wires are all crossed."

"I thought you weren't supposed to take sides," Eren growled. The words struck too close to home. They misrepresented some things, ever so slightly, but there was more than a grain of truth to them.

"You've already made your decision," Armin replied with a shrug. "I can't influence it now. I'm hardly going to tell you to break up with our best friend and single-handedly ruin your relationship, but if you've made the choice yourself, then voicing my opinion can't cause any harm."

"I just don't know how to do it." For this, Armin had no advice to offer. They both jumped as the door to the dorm swung open.

"You have until Monday," Jean said with uncharacteristic seriousness. "If you don't do it by then, I'm doing it for you." He grabbed the bag he had forgotten before leaving without further word. Eren cursed thin doors and nosey roommates, wondering if his heart would ever start pumping again after that skipped beat, and half-hoping it wouldn't.

That would make many things a lot easier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, I was really content. I was like "oh yeah, Risk is almost done, and I have an idea that I can work on when I finish it, and it's gonna be cute, and maybe a little angsty, and life will be great," and then...
> 
> I had another fucking idea.
> 
> Now I don't know which one to write :c


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm reading my old original works. Do you ever have terrible flashbacks to the time when you were thirteen and thought you were master of emotional depth and the human condition? Because I do. It is both humiliating and hilarious. That will be all.

A few months ago, Eren would have claimed that alcohol was overrated. Sure, he got drunk with his friends now and then, but he always regretted it in the morning. Really, he would have said, what's the real appeal to something that makes you feel light for a night but like lead for the morning after. He would drink when he was with his friends, and he would enjoy it, but alcohol in and of itself was not nearly as great as some people made it out to be.

Currently, it was Sunday, and alcohol of any variety was sitting firmly at the top of Eren's list of closest friends. Armin was there too, but Armin couldn't get Eren so thoroughly intoxicated that he could forget everything that was going on. In fact, Armin seemed determined to keep reminding Eren, which was probably due, at least in part, to the fact that alcohol was currently the blonde's best friend, as well.

"I'm sorry," the blonde groaned, scuffing his shoes against the ground as he kicked his legs. Eren had lost track of the apologies after the sixth time, and that had been almost ten minutes ago. One wouldn't expect for a great number of apologies to accumulate in that time, but Armin seemed intent to say it every few seconds, with varying volume and intensity.

The blonde was seated at Eren's desk, head resting on the hard surface. He had his arms splayed in front of him, constantly shifting positions as he restlessly moved his limbs, one hand always keeping a grip on the red plastic cup Eren had given him when he arrived. Even though he was hardly through his first cup, Armin, who had always been a lightweight, was already well on his way to being drunk, exuding an aura of pathetic despair as he slumped against the furniture.

It was 2PM and they had been drinking for an hour, slowly working their way through the unlabeled bottles Eren had found under Jean's bed. Knowing Jean, the proof on it was probably high enough to poison a small elephant, and it tasted like shit, that was for sure, but Eren was determined to drink it anyway for two reasons. The first: it would get Eren drunk fast, which was a hard feat to accomplish but a must for the current situation. Eren didn't want to go meet Mikasa sober. He realized that he probably should, out of respect and decency, but he honestly didn't think he could go through it without a little (read: a lot of) liquid courage. The second: Jean was the asshole to get Eren into this mess, and Eren wanted revenge. Technically, Eren had gotten himself into this mess by involving himself with Levi in the first place, but it was still Jean's fault that he was miserable right now. Drinking his roommate's booze was petty and inconsequential, but Eren felt he had a right to it.

"This is all my fault," Armin mumbled hopelessly, rousing Eren from his thoughts. This statement, as well, had already been said several times since Armin arrived, although it was said about half as often. "I shouldn't have made you talk about it when you didn't want to. If I hadn't been so pushy, Jean never would have found out."

"Shut up, Armin," Eren sighed, tossing the plastic cup he had just emptied at his friend's head. He had told Armin to shut up just about as many times as Armin had apologized. "You didn't do anything wrong. I needed to make a fucking decision – you made me make the decision. Jean's the reason were here, and all he did was make sure I follow through on it." Armin jerked up and away from the desk, stumbling a step forward before falling against the foot of Eren's bed, head and shoulders resting against the blanket while the rest of him fell to the floor like dead weight.

"You need to break up with her," he said into the covers, voice muffled by fabric and emotions and drunkenness. Eren wouldn't have understood him if they hadn't know each other so long, and seen each other in all sorts of states of incoherency. "But you need to do it yourself, 'cause you realize that you need to, not 'cause Jean's blackmailing you. What are you gonna do, Eren?"

At this point, Armin's voice was strangled with the tears that had built in his eyes, and Eren found himself kicking at his friend's head in a way that was supposed to be comforting. Armin always had been an emotional drunk. It was annoying whenever they drank casually, but at a time like this, Eren was actually kind of grateful for it. Taking care of Armin and keeping him from getting hysteric was a good way for Eren to distract himself from what was going on. If Armin wasn't crying, chances drastically increased that Eren would.

"I'm meeting with her tonight," Eren answered, his voice carrying a soothing note that quickly died. "In four hours Mikasa will never want to see me again."

He pulled a pillow from behind him, pressing it tightly over his face until the pressure there matched the pressure in his chest. He couldn't believe that this was actually happening. He had thought that he would be with Mikasa forever, and for the last four years, being with Mikasa meant dating Mikasa. But he didn't want to do that anymore – couldn't do that anymore. He loved her, but he didn't love her that way, and he probably never had. His feelings were some weird mix of friendly and sibling-ly and romantic, but it was none of those things specifically. It existed in some weird nebulous place that didn't have a name, and there was no designated way to deal with it. Treating her like a friend felt wrong, treating her like a sister was worse, and treating her like a girlfriend was the worst. Eren wished that there was a way to break things off without losing her. He wished he had never started dating her in the first place.

In the several days since Jean had issued his ultimatum, Eren had barely spoken to his girlfriend. It was an ill-fated attempt to preemptively distance himself. Maybe, he had thought, it would be easier. If he went four days without talking to her, maybe it would be easier to completely ruin their relationship by breaking her heart. He wouldn't deny that it was probably the most far-fetched "maybe" he had ever held hope for. He had replied to just enough of her texts to keep her from getting angry, feeding her vague excuses about classwork when she asked why they couldn't talk or why she couldn't come over.

As for Levi – Eren hadn't replied to any of his messages.

It wasn't that Eren didn't want to – he definitely did. He had read some of them, and it looked like Levi was getting worried (had been worried since the first day Eren cut off contact, actually), which was understandable, since Eren had seemingly fallen off the face of the earth. He had gone to all of his classes except for Hange's, knowing that they would no doubt interrogate Eren before reporting his status back to Levi. Eren didn't want Levi to worry, but talking to him at the moment felt dishonest somehow.

Eren had made his decision, and with Jean's threat hanging over his head, he had no choice but to put said decision into action. He had chosen Levi, which meant that, when everything was said and done, Eren and Levi would be together. Assuming that Levi would have him (Eren didn't even want to contemplate the very real possibility that Levi didn't want him as anything more than a friend). For the moment, though, Eren was still Mikasa, and it felt horribly despicable to talk to the man he had decided to leave her for before he had actually left her. The thought of talking with Levi, smiling and laughing at the man's sarcastic banter made the weight in Eren's chest press down on his stomach until he felt like he was going to vomit (and no, Eren would not be able to resist the urge to smile and laugh and roll his eyes, even with things the way they were). His conscience conveniently ignored the fact that he and Levi had been having what Armin called an "emotional affair" for at least a week before all this, maybe longer.

"Eren," Armin whined, face still pressed against the bed. "Your phone keeps vibrating. It was nice at first, but now I have a headache. Make it stop." He groped around the covers, grabbing the offending device from next to his ear and tossing it up the bed. Eren fumbled it from the air and threw it back a bare second later.

"It's Levi! It's Levi! Why is he calling me?" The phone skipped off Armin's shoulder and unto the floor with a thud, vibrating obnoxiously against the uncarpeted tile.

"Probably 'cause you've been ignorin' him for four days," Armin replied blearily. The vibrating stopped and Eren allowed himself a sigh of relief that quickly proved to be premature. The vibration started back up just a moment later, causing Eren to flinch and Armin to groan loudly into the bedspread. The blonde scrambled for the phone and chucked it violently back up to Eren.

"Just answer it," he nearly begged. "It's never going to stop if you don't." Eren shook his head and set his jaw.

"I can't just answer it," he hissed, cringing when the phone landed on the bed between him and the wall. "He's never called me before. We haven't actually spoken since I stayed with him. We only texted! What am I supposed to say?"

"Jesus Eren, it won't kill you to talk to him. You sound like a twelve year-old girl." With an exasperated groan, Armin dragged himself up the length of Eren's bed before flipping Eren's phone open and answering the call himself. Collapsing onto his stomach, he commandeered one of Eren's pillows and shoved the phone unceremoniously into his friend's face.

"What the hell Armin?" Eren demanded in a whisper, trying to keep his voice from carrying to the receiver while simultaneously trying to shove the device as far away as possible. Neither attempts were successful, as his voice was louder than intended and Armin kept stubbornly shoving the device back against Eren's cheek the moment it got farther than an inch away. Abandoning his attempts at evasion, Eren took the phone, staring at it distrustfully before bringing it to his ear.

"Sorry Levi, can't talk now," he said in a rush, before he could hear any of what the man was saying. "Everything's fine, no need to worry, got to go!" He snapped the phone shut, relief and pride flowing through him at a job well done. Both were quickly stifled by Armin's huff of annoyance.

"Eren, that's no good!" Armin pressed his face into the pillow he had stolen, jabbing a sharp elbow into Eren's hip. "He's just going to call back, now. You made things even worse for yourself."

True to Armin's prediction, the phone vibrated in Eren's grasp, rattling against his fingers. He stared at it hopelessly, realizing that he really had no choice but to answer. Either he took this call and dealt with it, or he waited a couple of hours for Levi to actually show up at the dorm and dealt with that. Chewing nervously on his lip, he flipped the phone back open and answered the call.

"Hello…?"

"What the fuck was that supposed to be?" Levi demanded immediately. His voice was harsher than Eren remembered. "And why the hell do you sound like a kicked puppy? I'm the one who practically has frostbite from the cold shoulder you've been giving me."

"I'm sorry," Eren mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck.

"You damn well better be. Mind telling me what's been going on?"

"I… I can't," Eren said, voice taking on a whining edge.

"You can't?" Levi was angry, Eren could hear it in the way he clipped his syllables.

"I can't," Eren confirmed. He prepared for the shit storm that would follow, but was met only with a sigh.

"Everything's okay, right?" Levi's voice was notably softer, still frustrated, but also resigned and slightly concerned.

"Everything's fine. Or it will be, anyway. You don't need to worry."

"Real convincing argument you have there," Levi said dryly. "It's not vague in the slightest."

"Sarcasm is the worst form of humor," Eren replied, quoting something he vaguely remembered Armin saying once or twice.

"Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit," Levi corrected.

"Yeah, that. You are very, very low. And not very witty."

"It still goes right over your head."

"What?"

"Nothing," Levi chuckled. "Go attend to whatever your mysterious business is. And also – stop drinking. Seriously, it's not even four yet, and you're only nineteen, anyway."

"You're not the boss of me."

"Just hang up, you fuck." Eren stuck his tongue out and did so.

"You two are both horrible at flirting," Armin grumbled. "You're lucky you have each other. Anyone else would think that you were trying to start a fight." Eren stuck his tongue out at Armin, too.

For the next few hours, Eren continued drinking (because Levi really wasn't the boss of him), but he did take care not to get drunk. He left his room at 5:30, leaving Armin asleep on the bed, and arrived at Mikasa's room ten minutes later.

She opened the door with a hard look on her face, and Eren wondered for a heart-stopping moment if Jean had already told her. She pulled him inside, but instead of moving further into the room to her bed like the usually would, she had them linger by the door. She leaned her back against it, effectively blocking the only way out of the room.

Eren wondered why he was suddenly feeling so uneasy, why he was thinking about escape routes like this was a battle field.

"Eren," Mikasa began, eyes on the ground. Something shifted nervously beneath his skin. "I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore."

"What?"

"I'm breaking up with you." Her voice cracked, but he face remained blank.

"You're… breaking up with me."

Mikasa always had taken Eren by surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Risk is officially drawing to a close. Only five or six chapters left, now.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

"You're… breaking up with me?" Eren asked, blinking slowly at his girlfriend- or ex-girlfriend, now, he supposed.

"I am," she confirmed.

"Don't."

He heard the word, but barely realized that he had been the one to say it or what it meant until Mikasa's guarded eyes met his. He didn't know what had possessed him to say it, because this was what he had _wanted_. When he heard her say the words he had felt a measure of relief alongside his boundless shock. Those five words solved at least half of Eren's problems and took a world of pressure off his shoulders. Wasn't this the world throwing him a bone? Hadn't he just dodged a bullet? But he said it again.

"Don't do this."

"No," Mikasa said forcefully. "Don't _you_ do this. If you tell me not to leave you, I won't be able to, and then things will only get worse." Her eyes were flashing but Eren couldn't tell if it was with anger or sadness or an unnamed mix of both.

"Mikasa, please-"

" _No._ Stop." Eren had no choice but to do so. "I know I'm not the most observant person in the world. I can be kind of dense sometimes, yeah, and I'm not so good at reading people, but I'm not _stupid_. Do you think I don't know what's been going on? I figured it out, okay! I figured it out ages ago." She pressed her back tighter against the door, as if reading Eren's desperate desire to escape, to get out of there, god damn it. The handle must have been digging into her back, but if it bothered her, she didn't acknowledge it. "You've been glued to your phone for weeks. I know that you were with him that night, not Krista. I know that you let him take care of you. I know."

"I'm sorry." It shouldn't have been a surprise that Mikasa knew. Subtly wasn't a part of Eren's character. He didn't bother with it, and even when he tried, he failed. Of course Mikasa had noticed, and of course she had put it all together. He thought everything would be okay if he didn't say anything but he had only thought so because he had wanted it to be true.

He should have done this sooner. He should have known that it was over between them the moment he realized he had accepted the bond. He should have known earlier – maybe when he had called Levi for help, or maybe when Levi had brought the news of Eren's father's death. He should have known, and the moment he did, he should have broken things off with Mikasa. All this time, she had known, and if it bothered Eren, than it was likely stressing her ten-fold. He hated that he had done that to her, but he was so afraid of losing her, of facing life without her, that he had done it anyway. It was selfish. He was selfish.

"I'm sorry, too," she said, teeth digging into her lip. She would probably be bleeding by the end of this. It was a nasty habit of hers. "I knew this was going to happen. I was always worried, but the moment I met him, I knew for sure. He really is your soulmate. Somehow I could tell just by looking at him. I saw him – he didn't even have to say anything – and I knew that he would take you from me.

"But I don't understand why! He's short and angry and old. You hated him at first, didn't you? And he's a _guy_! What does he have that I don't?" She slammed a fist into the door and Eren reach out to sooth her growing anger before immediately pulling away. Her teeth split through the skin of her lower lip.

"I didn't mean for this to happen," Eren whispered intensely. If there was one thing he needed Mikasa to understand, it was that he had never wanted to hurt her, regardless of how much he had. After all the things that had happened outside of his control, the one he regretted most was that he had hurt her.

"Did you cheat with him? On me. Did you cheat on me?" The abruptness of the question left Eren floundering in a way that probably appeared guilty.

"What? No!" he finally burst, shaking his head frantically. "Nothing has happened between me and Levi." Mikasa tugged at her scarf, a small frown pulling at her lips.

"For some reason, I feel like you're lying," she said softly. "Ah. Your ears are turning red."

"That's because I'm embarrassed," he snapped, slapping his hands over his ears to cover them.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure! Nothing happened."

"Well… that's nice to know, anyway. Do you love him?" Again Eren was left blindsided and speechless in the wake of the unexpected question, but this time he was spared from answering.

"Actually, no," Mikasa continued. "Don't answer that. It was dumb of me to ask. I don't think I want to know, either way." Eren stood, with his mouth slightly open, unsure of what to say. They lingered in an uncomfortable silence for a long moment before Mikasa pulled the scarf from around her neck and wrapped it sloppily around Eren's. Just like that, it was his again, and he pulled it closer to his face the same way she always did.

"You should go," Mikasa told him. "And you should stay away. I don't want to see you for… a while. Don't talk to me. Don't try to make things better. Don't act like everything's okay, because nothing is. Just – don't for a while, okay?"

"For how long?" Eren asked.

"I don't know," Mikasa answered. "Maybe forever. Can you do that?"

"If I have to." He didn't say that doing so would be like losing a part of himself because she didn't need to hear that, and he was fairly certain that she already knew anyway.

"You do." She stepped into the room, away from the door, brushing past him on her way to her bed. She watched expectantly, waiting for him to leave, probably to she could break down with all the emotion she was refusing to show him. He stayed there for a moment, idling in the silent space, realizing that this was the last time in "maybe forever" that he would get to be in this room. Then, after his moment was had, he opened the door and left like this was no different from the millions of times he had left before.

As Eren walked back to his dorm, he thanked the detached emptiness that had filled him. Without it, he felt that he would probably be in hysterics, but this way he could process the information with a degree more rationality. Even now he felt curiously as if he was missing something, a hollowness in his chest that couldn't be attributed to his emotional distance.

For almost as long as he could remember, Eren had protected Mikasa, and she had done the same for him. They cared for each other. They were always there – a constant presence in the other's life. The relationship that had had never fallen neatly into place, had never clicked into a proper dynamic. It had been unhealthy, and Eren was aware of that, but it didn't make it any easier to live without her.

For so long, they had leaned on each other instead of standing on their own, and now Eren's legs were shaking beneath him.

He unlocked his dorm with shaking hands, the key rattling in his grip. Armin was still there, asleep on Eren's bed. Jean was back, sitting on his own.

"Jeager," he greeted coldly. "Did you do it, or do I have a visit to make tomorrow?"

"I didn't do it," Eren replied blankly. "But she did. No need to worry."

"Oh really?" Jean asked with a disbelieving laugh. "She actually grew the balls to break up with you? It's about time. She's always been out of your league."

"Jean, please, for once in your life, just shut up. You wanted it done and it's done. Just leave me alone, now."

"You're not really in any position to use that tone on me, you know. That exhausted, disappointed tone. You're the cheating bastard here, not me."

"You don't know shit," Eren told Jean flatly. Kicking his shoes off, he collapsed onto his bed, shoving Armin against the wall roughly enough that the blonde would have protested if he hadn't been out cold.

"I know that you cheated on Mikasa with your soulmate, who's apparently a guy. Isn't that enough?"

"I didn't _cheat_ on Mikasa," Eren corrected, already sick of the misconception. He had no doubt that he would be hearing more of it when word of the break up spread to their friends. "I haven't had sex with Levi. I haven't even kissed the guy, yet."

"Wait – Levi?" Jean asked, brow furrowing. "As in that weird shorty I caught you with? Are you telling me that I witnessed the start of your affair-"

"No!" Eren barked. "He was there to tell me that my _dad_ fucking _died_ , you prick. I didn't even like him then." Jean was silent for a long moment, and Eren leaned into his pillows, prepared to sleep even if it wasn't 8PM yet, thinking that he had finally shocked Jean into shutting up.

"So you do like him, then?" Jean's tone had changed, losing the hostile edge. He sounded grudgingly curious.

"I wouldn't leave Mikasa for him if I didn't."

"Well then. Tell him that if he hurts you I'll punch him in the face."

"He'd murder you," Eren laughed into his pillow.

"I could out run him," Jean disagreed with an arrogant half-smile. "Longer legs."

"He'd catch you," Eren assure, no doubt in his mind. Levi disliked Jean on principle – though Eren wasn't sure of what principle that was meant to be, exactly – and if Jean dared touch him, Levi would chase him to the ends of the earth for revenge.

"Can I go to sleep now?" Eren yawned. The events of the day were catching up with him, the alcohol and stress and surprise all translating through as fatigue.

"Not so fast, Jeager. I may punch this Levi guy if he hurts you, but I still have to punch _you_ for hurting Mikasa." Eren sighed around another yawn, lifting himself from his bed. He set his feet should width apart and spread his arms slightly from his sides.

"Well, go ahead," he encouraged. "I'm not going to stop you. I would do it myself, if I could."

Jean scowled and rolled his eyes. He balled his fist, and Eren braced himself for the hit, hoping that if he stumbled and fell he at least wouldn't land on top of Armin, who would probably cause more damage than Jean, with his pointy elbows and knees. Jean raised his fist and brought the side of it down firmly on top of Eren's head. It wasn't what Eren had expected, and though the blow wasn't particularly hard, it had enough force behind it to make Eren's knees give out. He fell to the floor, kneading his scalp with one hand and flipping Jean off with the other.

"There," Jean said with a self-satisfied grin. "All is forgiven. You may now sleep." He flopped into his bed, pulling his abandoned laptop onto his knees to resume whatever he had been doing before Eren arrived back at the dorm and interrupted him.

Eren settled into his own bed, arranging Armin as he did so that they could both maintain some modicum of comfort throughout the night. Sleep came to him easily after the long day, and he was grateful for it. He needed the rest. He was fairly sure that things would get worse before they got better – at least, he would feel worse – but he could rest easy, knowing that whatever "better" was was hiding somewhere just around the bend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter is being posted now mainly so I can warn you that I have no idea how regularly I will be posting from now on. I go back to school on the 8th and I don't know how that will effect my "at least once every five days" way of updating. I also have massive amounts of summer homework that I've barely even touched, so I won't be posting again before then (I shouldn't even be posting now, but I don't want to leave people in the lurch). My updates will, from here on out, depend on how my classes and prepping for college applications and all that nonsense goes.
> 
> Also, I've been spelling Eren's last name wrong this whole time. It's either "Yeager" or "Jaeger" and I've been spelling it Jeager. If you haven't noticed before, you're welcome.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus Christ, when I said it might take me longer to update, I did not mean 2+ weeks. Senior year has been harder than anticipated - not school itself but all this college and application nonsense. I'm sorry that it's taken so long. I hope you're all still with me.

Eren spent the next few days more or less dead to the world, mindlessly going to and from classes as he tried to stave off a breakdown that felt more or less inevitable. He felt like he had lost something indispensable, a feeling that was only worsened by his inability to name what he was missing. For once, Armin was at a loss as to how to handle the situation. He hadn't understood the specifics of Eren and Mikasa's relationship to begin with, and now that it was over, he had no idea how to comfort Eren.

Jean was similarly at a loss. He and Eren's friendship had always been a strange one, based largely off a mutual animosity. Now that Mikasa was out of the picture, Eren suddenly had no place to be but in class or in his dorm, and Jean was suffering the consequences. He had resorted to picking fights in an attempt to get Eren to blow off some steam. These attempts were mostly unsuccessful, and this, if anything, was a reflection of how out of it Eren really was.

The only thing Eren did with any sort of enthusiasm since the breakup was go to Biology class. Really, the description "enthusiasm" was being used in the loosest possible terms. He dragged himself to Biology with a masochistic dread – better than the vague confusion and disorientation he showed at any other time – only because he shared the class with Mikasa. As requested, he didn't try to speak to her, and as expected, she ignored him. Mostly, he wanted to be sure she was okay.

And she was. She was fine. She was also dating Annie.

Eren wasn't sure when exactly it had happened, but a few days ago Annie had showed up outside their Biology class and had led Mikasa away by the hand. A part of him was relieved, because Mikasa deserved to be happy, and if she had found someone to make her so, Eren didn't have to feel so guilty all the time. Another part of him was panicking. He had noticed the bracelet that Annie always wore on her wrist, he had seen beneath it, and he knew that she had a soulmate. It was unhealthy, and perhaps stalker-adjacent, but Eren needed to keep an eye on the situation.

Which was why he had skipped Biology, just for the day. He would catch Annie while she was waiting for Mikasa, and they would have a nice, civil conversation about Annie's intentions. He bounced his leg, seated on the stone lip that ran around the building, scanning the stream of passing students for the blonde hair and white hoodie he was familiar with. His phone vibrated in his pocket, but he ignored it, something he had been doing with increasing frequency lately.

For one thing, he was busy. There was the chance that Annie would just keep walking if she noticed him, so he had to keep an eye out if he wanted to get a word in. For another, it was probably Levi.

Eren wanted to speak to Levi, but he didn't know what to say. His texting app was filled with at least a dozen unsent drafts. Half of them were clumsy variations of "Mikasa and I broke up" or "Hey - you, me, dating - let's fucking do it." Eren typed out at least one a day, stared at it for half an hour or more, and then decided he couldn't possibly bring himself to actually send it. In retrospect, he felt incredibly ridiculous for ever assuming that Levi would actually be willing to date him.

"Eren." It was Annie's voice that broke him from his reverie, and he shook his head sharply to clear it. Thankfully she had decided to confront him rather than keep moving. His insistence on not checking Levi's text had apparently led to as much distraction as actually doing so would have.

"Annie," he returned dumbly. All the things he had planned to say, the grand (if slightly hypocritical) speech he had planned to give, flew from his mind.

"What do you want?" she asked, after a moment's pause. "Shouldn't you be in class right now?" She nodded to the building in emphasis.

"I wanted to talk to you." Annie's eyes narrowed slightly, a bored quirk to her mouth, as if Eren had just stated the obvious.

"Say your part," she prompted.

"Just – don't hurt her, alright." Eren's plans had been much grander, more verbose and extravagant. He had planned to issue threats, and tell Annie all the reasons why Mikasa was too good for her. He was going to pump the proverbial shotgun like the big brother he only-kind-of was. This worked just as well, he supposed, but Annie's eyes didn't soften.

"Whatever you think is going on between Mikasa and me – you're wrong," she said flatly. "We're not dating or anything. We've just had sex a few times. Nothing for her to get 'hurt' over."

"You have a soulmate, don't you?"

"I do," she replied, fingers flying automatically to rub over the fabric that covered her wrist.

"Then you could hurt her. Just don't do what I did."

"I have no interest in my soulmate," she said, eyes to the side, and Eren couldn't help the small laugh that escaped him.

"I said the same exact thing a few months ago. Funny how things change, huh. Now I'm acting like a thirteen year-old girl every time-"

"Oi _brat_."

Eren stopped midsentence, back stiffening against the wall. Annie raised a questioning eyebrow before glancing over to the side, to the rapidly approaching black-haired man.

Levi was angrier than Eren expected him to be. Yes, Eren knew without a doubt that Levi _would_ be angry the next time they saw each other, but this wasn't quite what he had expected. Levi's suit jacket was nowhere to be seen, probably left behind at his flat or the station, and the man had the sleeves of his dress shirt unbuttoned and rolled up to his elbows. Later he would definitely be fretting over wrinkles and creases, but the only thing bothering him in that moment was _Eren_. Eren barely had the time to stutter out Levi's name before the older man had him in a headlock.

"What's this?" Levi asked, tone casual and bored, in contrast to the tight squeeze of his forearm around Eren's windpipe. "You don't appear to be bedridden to me. And you still have all your fingers. I'm assuming you haven't lost your ability to spell. Have you? No?" Eren pulled at Levi's arm, smiling sheepishly up at the man who narrowed his eyes further in return.

"No," Eren replied when Levi finally gave him enough room to breathe. "I'm all in one piece." Levi sighed, the harsh look in his eyes dimming slightly as Eren squirmed. After a moment, Eren was released with a small shove. Unbalanced slightly, he skipped a step forward, spinning to face Levi only when he regained his footing.

"Then why have I been on radio silence for the last week?" Levi questioned, suddenly taking notice of the state of his sleeves. Agitatedly, he tugged at them, eyes rolling in frustration. "The last time I heard from you was almost a week ago – and that was just a cryptic call that you ended as soon as possible by telling me that 'everything would be okay soon.' As if that's not mysterious and worrying as all hell."

"I'm sorry," Eren offered weakly, and Levi seemed no more impressed by the apology, if the raise of his eyebrow was anything to go by (and it was, Eren knew).

"You better be. Otherwise I'd have to teach you some manners, and frankly, I don't think I have time for such a huge undertaking."

"I've just – been busy. With stuff, you know?"

"Stuff. The same stuff as before?" Eren's sheepish smile was his only answer. "Am I actually going to be gifted with the knowledge of what this 'stuff' is?"

"Yeah. Yeah, of course. But maybe not right now – later?" Eren glanced over to Annie. He had nearly forgotten about her, but she had been standing to the side the whole time, watching their brief exchange with an unreadable expression.

"You're taller than I expected," she told Levi blandly, and Eren cringed. Mikasa must have been ranting to her, possibly since Levi first entered the picture. His height seemed to be her favorite target.

"That's not one I hear often," Levi replied with a flat, insincere smile. "I'm Levi, though you seem to already know that."

"Annie." They stared each other down for a moment as a trickle of students began to leave the building. Neither attempted to shake the other's hand.

"For some reason I get the feeling that none of your friends like me, Eren." Eren couldn't help but smile slightly at Levi's amused tone.

"Don't worry. Armin likes you, and if Armin likes you everyone will, eventually."

"Hardly."

Eren jumped in his skin when Mikasa's voice came from behind him, but he fixed his eyes to the floor and resisted the urge to turn and face her. With a glare at Levi, she passed him by. Annie drifted to her side, a hand falling to the small of Mikasa's back as they left, presumably going back to their dorm, and as he watched the gesture, Eren couldn't help but think that Annie had been lying through her teeth when she said things between the two of them were just physical. A strange pain jumped in his chest, but as he turned back to Levi, he realize three things in quick succession.

The first: Levi was _looking_ at him. Levi had always had moments of strange intensity, when his grey eyes would focus in as a too-bright silver and pin the subject of their gaze down. Eren had been subject to it several times already, but he hadn't actually seen Levi since the anniversary of his mother's death, and to find all of that attention on him so abruptly was disorienting. He wasn't even completely aware of what could have instigated it.

The second: Eren had said something dumb. "Armin likes you, and if Armin likes you, everyone will, eventually." Eren was reading too much into it, he was sure, but he had said "eventually" as if Levi would be around forever, which was stupid and presumptuous, because they hadn't even talked about anything of the sort. They weren't together, weren't dating, weren't anything. They hadn't seen each other in person in about a month, and Eren had been avoiding Levi's texts for a couple of weeks. That was hardly even a friendship. But here was Eren, assuring Levi that his friends would like him _"eventually_."

The third: Levi now knew that Eren and Mikasa were no longer together. Shockingly, this, which was easily the most important of the recent developments, was the last thing that Eren registered. Levi was an intelligent man, and the atmosphere between Eren and Mikasa was kind of hard to miss. Not to mention the fact that Annie had led Eren's supposed-to-be girlfriend away in a very passive-aggressively possessive manner.

"So," Levi began after a long pause, eyes flashing like mercury, "that's the 'stuff' you had to deal with?"

"Yeah," Eren answered softly.

"You two…"

"Yeah. No."

_Yeah, we broke up. No, we're not together._

"So brat. Eren. You free right now?"

"I – yes."

"What do you say to getting some coffee?"

Eren grinned, and Levi returned it was a half-tilt of his own lips. An answer really wasn't necessary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this feels rushed or sloppy. Personally, I hate this chapter, but at least it is a chapter. The less I write, the less I want to write, and at this point, I was pretty much desperate to just push this out. It is also very short because of that. I apologize for the quality. It will all be edited eventually.
> 
> I have no idea when the next update will come. But come it will. There's four chapters left and I guarantee you that they will all be posted eventually.
> 
> Also, keep an eye out for the first chapter of my next story, which I will probably be posting soon (read: I want to post it soon, but Lord only knows if that will actually happen). It's called Past and Present Tense. It's going to be short (9 chapters, short epilogue), and basically 100% fluff. Like, there's going to be even less plot than there is in Risk. Nothing but cute Riren-ness. Reincarnation AU in which Eren remembers everything about his past life and is very confused to see how different Levi is.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would say I'm sorry, but at this point, I'm pretty sure that this is unforgivable (2+ months, seriously). And also, it will definitely happen again.

Eren's hands were shaking, but his smile wasn't. Not that long ago, he would have punched someone in the face if they tried to tell him that he would one day be sitting in a coffee shop with a giddy smile on his face just because Levi was sitting across from him, but now Eren wouldn't have it any other way. Even with everything horrible that was going on with Mikasa, Eren couldn't help but feel that this was inevitable. Everything he had done - even the screaming and the fighting and the denying - had been leading him here, to this table and this man.

When Levi had asked Eren out for coffee, Eren had expected something more like Starbucks, rather than the fancy ass place he was pulled out to, but Levi had already said that he was going to pay for anything Eren ended up getting, and Eren wasn't one to complain about free anything. For now, he had a coffee and a piece of cake, and for the first time, he didn't know what to say.

Eren had never been at a loss for words when it came to Levi. When he had hated the man, it had been easy enough to yell and gripe at him. When they established their tentative friendship Eren found that the conversation came naturally. But now they found themselves stuck in a silence that was companionable and awkward at the same time. Eren thanked god for his cake, which he could push around his plate or shove in his mouth as the situation dictated.

They were dating now. At least, Eren thought they were. He was fairly certain that asking someone out for coffee was basically the equivalent of asking them to date you. That's how it worked in the movies anyway. It was impossible to be sure though, especially with someone like Levi, and Eren couldn't find the nerve to just ask like he would in almost any other situation.

Eren glanced up just as Levi took a sip of his drink, and couldn't contain his snort. Levi's sharp eyes were on him in an instant, and Eren dropped his fork to cover his mouth, trying to trap the laughter that was determined to escape. Levi had insisted on ordering tea for himself, and as fancy as the place was, they had brought him out a cup and saucer and everything. And Levi held it like an absolute moron, gripping it by the rim rather than the handle.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Eren asked gleefully, shaking his head. Levi quirked an unimpressed eyebrow at the laughing teen.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" he countered smoothly. Eren couldn't tell if he was being difficult or if he honestly didn't know.

"Drinking Levi - you're doing it wrong."

Pure bafflement shone on Levi's face for a moment (confirming that he actually hadn't known what Eren was talking about) before he glanced down at his own hand and the surprise morphed to a scowl.

"Oh god. Not this again, not you, too. I get this shit enough from Glasses. I've heard it a million times, and I still don't get it."

"There's a handle for a reason, Levi," Eren explained, attempting to keep a straight face, but Levi was frowning so seriously, with such genuine confusion, that Eren couldn't prevent the laughter any more.

"This is - this is just how I do it," Levi said, sounding slightly flustered for the first time Eren had ever heard. His fingers shifted from the rim to the handle as if trying to puzzle things out. Eren, curious himself, cocked his head at his coffee mug before gripping it by the rim and bringing it to his mouth. He promptly spilled it everywhere, spluttering as some of the liquid found its way into his nose. Levi sighed and gave an apologetic look to everyone around him as Eren wiped frantic hands over his chin.

"How do you even do that?" he demanded, too amazed by Levi's apparent skill to bother being embarrassed.

"I don't know," Levi replied, his tone edging on defensive. "I just do. Shut the fuck up."

Eren did as ordered, a smile playing across his lips as any lingering awkwardness slipped away.

xxxxxxxx

There was a hole in the wall.

There was a hole in the wall, and all Annie could do was stare at it and hope the dorm supervisor would never find out. Maybe she could get Reiner to fix it before it became a problem. He probably could - but that wouldn't really fix the current problem, which wasn't that there was a hole in the wall, but that Mikasa had just put it there.

"Who the hell does that midget think he is?" Mikasa growled, collapsing on her bed after her fit of rage. She dropped her head into her hands, fingers twining spastically into her hair. Annie reached out and smoothed her fingers across Mikasa's knuckles. Blood fled in the wake of her touch as Mikasa clenched her hands tighter.

"He didn't do anything wrong," Annie said softly. She knew it was the wrong thing to say, but it was the truth. Levi hadn't done anything wrong. Even Eren hadn't done anything too horrible, really. What Annie and Mikasa were doing was far worse. This time, when Annie reached out to touch her, Mikasa didn't tense, she collapsed in on herself. She wasn't crying, and she wouldn't - she had finished crying weeks ago, when she had first come to Annie.

Mikasa wasn't entirely sure what had made her do it. She didn't condone cheating. She had been pissed at Eren for even meeting his soulmate, pissed at him every time he so much as ran into Levi, despite the situation being completely out of everyone's hands. Then she cheated on him. Before things even started to get that bad between them, she was already in her roommate's bed. After giving Eren shit about being gay, too. She didn't mean to be a hypocrite, but here she was.

'Do as I say, not as I do.'

Annie wrapped an arm around Mikasa's shoulders, the gesture stiff and uncomfortable, but comforting nonetheless. Mikasa pressed herself further into the embrace, Annie drew her arm tighter, and then the black band on her wrist came into view.

Annie had a soulmate, too, of course. The majority of the population did. Mikasa had never seen Annie's mark, since the quiet girl always wore a bracelet to cover it, but they had had a few conversations on the topic. Annie covered it for privacy, and also simply because she was tired of watching it change. Her mark was an unstable one, that was just as likely to get longer as it was to get shorter. She said that she had tried to figure out what was causing it, but had given up after a few months. Some people's marks just did that, and it could be based on any number of factors. They hadn't talked about it since they started hooking up, but Annie had never shown any desire to deny her soulmate when the time finally came.

It wasn't that Mikasa cared - not in so many words, anyway. There was nothing romantic between her and Annie. Annie was a warm body for the nights when it hit Mikasa that everyone was leaving her, a shoulder to cry on when Mikasa knew the tears were going to happen one way or another, a hand to hold when Mikasa really just needed someone to hold her hand. There was a special kind of connection in that, but it wasn't romantic. When Annie found her soulmate, Mikasa would-

She would be left behind again. But she would let go. That would be okay. With her nose pressed against Annie's shoulder, staring blankly at the soft white hoodie that had become very familiar, Mikasa told herself that it would be okay.

xxxxxxxx

Levi had more videogames than Eren ever would have expected. For one thing, Levi was old, and for another, he really didn't seem the type to enjoy screen time - but apparently he did. A lot.

"Mario Kart?" he suggested, browsing the extensive collection he had hidden in his entertainment system. Eren nodded dumbly.

He was pretty good at Mario Kart, he thought. He always beat Jean, at any rate, and their win-loss record in most things was split even. When the whole group played, he usually came in second, sometimes third (Krista was surprisingly good at nintendo games). Yes, he was pretty good.

No, it turned out, he wasn't. He was complete trash. Levi beat him by miles, murdered him in seconds, with a slack, unimpressed look on his face while he did it. Eren vaguely remembered numerous occasions of Levi tapping away at some game on his phone.

Levi was just as good at Halo. And Peggle.

Eren was fairly certain he was dating (?!) a god.

xxxxxxxx

Annie and Mikasa stayed like that for a long time - long enough that Mikasa started drifting into an exhausted half-doze that turned every minute into five. Annie remained awake, eyes glazed and distant as she got inscrutably lost in her thoughts, as she tended to do. The air between them was comfortably silent, warm and heavy with that type of sadness that settled in the bones like an old friend.

It was the kind of thing that couldn't last long, a tenuous balance of silence and sadness and peace that can never be anything but evanescent. In this case, whatever shelter the two had found together was broken just after 3:30 in the afternoon by a short knock at the door. Mikasa groaned and stared in the offending direction, unsure as to who could possible be over. Almost all of their friends at least had the decency to call first, and the dorm room had seen notably less traffic after the drama with Eren had come to light. Turning away, Mikasa considered ignoring whoever-it-was, but another, far more impatient rap drew her off the bed.

Mikasa narrowed her eyes when the door opened to reveal Armin. Their contact over the last week or so had been practically nonexistent, and Mikasa got the distinct feeling that Armin had chosen Eren's side in this dispute, despite the fact that the blonde boy usually tried his hardest to remain a neutral party. Of course, she knew how close Armin and Eren were, but Armin was supposed to be her friend, too, and she couldn't help but be a little petty about his apparent abandonment of her. She was seconds away from snapping something along those very lines at him, but her mouth snapped shut the moment she registered the implications of his expression.

Armin was typically a fairly meek person, but he was also the type who had a clearly defined "I have had it up to here with you, and that is just too far" level. His eyes were cold and steely, his lips pressed into a grim line, his posture speaking of confrontation and determination. If Mikasa was sick of Armin's shit, then Armin was ten times more frustrated with hers.

He pushed past her into the room, a sharp "we need to talk" biting off his tongue. Annie sat up as he entered, eyes bright with interest. Armin froze, as if he was surprised to see her there, and they eyed each other in a wary silence before Armin spoke up.

"You must be Annie," he said, voice flat and far less polite than it would have been in any other circumstance. Despite running with the same crowd, the two had never actually met, as they both tended to avoid the large groups of people that came along with going out with their friends. Circumstances would have it that one or both of them always stayed home, opting out of the socially exhausting get togethers.

"Armin," Annie greeted in return, voice equally flat, though in her case it was hardly unusual.

"Would you… mind leaving?" he asked her, stilted. "Mikasa and I have some things to discuss." Annie rose an eyebrow, but rose from her bed in a fluid movement, walking quickly from the room. She kept her distance from him as she did. When the door closed behind her, some of the rigidity went out of Armin's frame, though it can hardly be said that he relaxed.

"Well," Mikasa prompted, moving with forced casualness to her own bed, which she hadn't actually occupied in at least a week. "Get on with it. What soapbox are you going to jump on now?"

"You're being horrible," he told her bluntly. He didn't like to bother with evasion and subtly, least of all with people like Mikasa who didn't appreciate it in the slightest. If you didn't take the point and stab it straight through their chest, they would just dodge around it as if nothing was happening.

"I've been horrible since we were young. There's nothing new about that." There was a certain amount of validity to that argument - Mikasa never had been a nice person, had never bothered trying to be - but she was just trying to evade, like she always did, and Armin wasn't going to let it happen.

"Yeah, you have been," he agreed. "But never to Eren."

"How have I been horrible to Eren?" she asked, the sudden whiteness of her knuckles revealing what her voice did not.

"He's tearing himself apart over this, and you know it. He didn't even do anything wrong, Mikasa. He just pissed you off, and now you're being petty about it. You know it, too. Don't tell me you haven't been sleeping with Annie - I'm not an idiot. You cheated on him, which is ten times worse than anything he might have done, but he's still so upset that he hurt you, and you're using that against him. It's nothing but spite."

"Spite?" Mikasa questioned, feigning thoughtfulness. "Would you say I'm spiteful, Armin? Maybe you're right - maybe I am - but why shouldn't I be?" The question may or may not have been rhetoric, Armin didn't know, but he wasn't going to answer it either way. Mikasa continued.

"I'm no stranger to how much life can fucking suck. Doesn't that earn me the right to be a little bit spiteful every once and awhile?"

"Not really, no," Armin replied blandly. "I'm no stranger to it either, but here I am, dealing with your shit anyway."

"And you say you're not spiteful. That sounded pretty close, to me." Armin sighed loudly through his nose, shaking his head in a single movement, jerky enough to displace his hair.

"You're not getting the point," he said. "I don't care if you shut yourself up in your room and mope for days. I don't care if you sleep around and do whatever other shit. I don't care if you think you have to ignore Eren. But you have no right to be purposely causing him such extended pain." Mikasa reeled back, the first hint of genuine emotion showing on her face as she sneered.

"Extended pain?" she parrotted, a derisive laugh bubbling in the back of her throat. "He's been sulking around for what? A week, maybe two? I've been dealing with this shit for years, and I haven't said a single word, done a single thing about it, until now. Don't talk to me about extended pain, and don't try to make Eren into some kind of legendary victim in this."

"I'm not trying - I know this is hard for you, too."

"Then why does it feel like you're taking his side?" she demanded.

"Because I am," Armin blurted, regretting it when hurt flashed across Mikasa's face, but making no move to take back the truth.

"I am," he repeated. "I know this is hard for you, but I think Eren is doing the right thing. You two didn't work together. He wasn't happy anymore and he never would have been - not after meeting Levi. And maybe you could have still been happy, but it wouldn't have been fair to Eren, and it really wouldn't have been fair to you, either."

"You don't get it," Mikasa mumbled into her hands, rubbing them across her face. "I shouldn't have expected you to understand."

"What's that even supposed to mean, Mikasa!"

"Do you know what it's like to love someone Armin? Not like a brother or a sister, but something more than that?"

"You know I don't," Armin replied with a harsh frown.

"Do you know what it's like to lose someone?"

"You know I do."

"Okay, then imagine this." She took a deep breath, her hands shaking when she held them up in front of her before lowering them down to her sides again, continuing when Armin failed to interrupt her. "There is someone you love more than anyone else in the world. They aren't perfect, and you know that, but you feel like they are, and they might as well be. Because they are beautiful, and smart, and charming, and everything that you could ever want them to be, even when you're pissed at them and you hate everything that they are. You don't know what your life would be without them in it.

"But you know you're going to find out. You know that it is just a matter of time before they move on, and you're left behind. You know that they won't miss you, not the way you miss them. You know that they won't regret it. You know, but you don't know what you're going to do about it, and it's even worse, because they promise - they swear up and down - that it's not going to happen. They tell you they love you. They say that he means nothing to them, and you know that they think they're telling the truth, but you also know that they're not. And you can feel yourself being forgotten.

"And then you man up - you leave him, because that's better than being left, isn't it? And you start shacking up with someone when you know you shouldn't, and you maybe start to care about them, but he's still fucking there, and you want so badly to be closer to him, always closer, but you've already pushed him away, and he let you.

"Do you have any idea how much something like that hurts?"

Silence followed Mikasa's outburst, and Armin felt half of his fight leave him.

"No," he answered eventually. "But everything hurts, doesn't it? Doesn't everything hurt, even the good things? Isn't that how you know that you're alive - that everything is worth it?"

"I don't think that's how it works. There's nothing good about this pain."

"You can think that way if you want, but even then - the pain'll go away. Time heals all wounds and what have you."

"People always say that," Mikasa laughed mirthlessly. She curled into herself, wrapping her arms around her knees and resting her head there. "But when's it supposed to happen for me - and what am I supposed to do until then."

Armin considered her for a long moment. Sadness lingered behind his eyes that she didn't notice. He was her friend after all, and even if he thought Eren had done the right thing, it didn't change the fact that it hurt Armin to see her broken up like this. He shook his head in resignation.

"Until then - well, you have to grow up and deal with it, the way everyone else does."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only three left now, guys!
> 
> So that's only what, like a year?
> 
> Also, I got a Tumblr (it scares me, help). I'll be posting status updates and stuff there, so check it out, if you want. My username is Mirandemonium.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *laughs nervously* Weeellll. I am so fucking sorry. That's really all I have to say on the matter. But if it's any excuse. Well. I applied to 20 colleges. That is not an exaggeration, I actually applied to 20 fucking colleges, so that took some time. And all of my IB stuff - my EE and three IA (including a fucking math IA, how does one write a 12 paged paper on math) - were all due just a week or so ago. So there's my excuse. It's a shitty one, and I'm so fucking sorry. There were supposed to be two more chapters after this one. But one of them was deemed unnecessary, and the epilogue just got merged into this. So this is the end, folks. Risk is over. Completed. Thanks for reading. Thanks for sticking with it, because holy hell am I terrible.
> 
> (Do any of you remember the time when I uploaded daily? Yeah, me neither)
> 
> I love you all. I'm sure at this point you hate me, but I love you. Now I have to try to finish Past and Present Tense. And then... I have two stories... that actually have... plots (gasp)

Being happy was an odd feeling, all things considered. Eren had thought that he was happy months ago, thought that life was good (and could maybe get better, but not by much), but whatever he was feeling then was nothing like what he was feeling now.

He still wasn't completely sure what he and Levi were doing. As much as his understanding of Levi had grown, Eren was still kind of in the dark about Levi's ideals on relationships. The man didn't strike Eren as a romantic. Levi didn't seem the type to settle down and get married, or even consistently date someone. Eren would be lying if he said he wasn't worried about it. Usually, he wouldn't be, but this was his first relationship with a guy, and he was feeling notably more… insecure about it than he would be otherwise.

But on the brightside, they had been spending _a lot_ of time together, and half of that time they were attached in some way or another. Hand in hand, an arm around the shoulder, knees touching, lips locked. (Levi was a fabulous kisser by the way - it sometimes made Eren wish he hadn't stopped Levi in the middle of his first attempt.)

"I'm happy you finally came around," Levi sighed into Eren's neck. A smile quirked on the edges of Eren's lips in response. They had come a long way, and this was it. This was it for Eren.

He wasn't so naive to think that everything from here on out would be perfectly smooth sailing, or that there wouldn't be any bumps in the road, but he knew with absolute certainty that his story ended with Levi in his arms. They would probably argue, and fight, but it would always come back to this. Even as he thought it, Eren questioned how he could be so absolutely sure, but he supposed that that was just what being soulmates meant.

It meant being in each other's arms. It meant that Eren would smile at all of Levi's jokes, even though his sense of humor was literal shit. It meant Levi would smile - just smile, because lord knew that was an achievement in and of itself. It meant that Eren was happy when Eren didn't know what happy was a month ago.

A knock on the door interrupted Eren's thoughts - probably for the best considering how sappy they were getting. Levi groaned, collapsing on Eren's bed.

"You get it, brat," he commanded, kicking his arms behind his head. "This is your shitty dorm." Eren rolled his eyes, but stood. The door opened to reveal Armin, blonde hair frazzled but eyes blank and impassive. Levi sat up in the moment of silence that followed the opening of the door, peering around Eren, who was quiet in his momentary confusion.

"Armin? Did you text me or something?" Eren asked, because the blonde boy usually called ahead before showing up. "You can come on in. Levi's here, hope you don't mind. Is everything alright?"

Eren stood aside, allowing Armin into the room. When Armin came in, he came numbly, as if in a daze, and seated himself at Eren's desk without answering any of the questions asked. There was a tense moment, which Armin seemed oblivious to, in which Eren and Levi exchanged questioning looks.

"I talked to Mikasa," Armin said abruptly, and both Levi and Eren stiffened at the mention of her. As happy as they were together, it was easy to forget about her. She never completely left Eren's mind, always a weight lingering in his chest, but she usually faded to the back of his attention when Levi was around. And as for Levi - he just hated her. Hated the way she had treated Eren and hated the way she still made him feel.

"I talked to Mikasa," Armin repeated, as if trying to find his own train of thought. "I yelled at her actually. Because she's kind of being unreasonable."

"Yeah?" Eren asked with forced lightness. "And how'd that go?"

"Oh, pretty good," Armin responded vacantly. "Annie was there."

"Annie?" Eren questioned, insincere happiness replaced with confusion. "What about Annie?"

"Well, the thing about Annie is that she's part of the group, but she's not really _part_ of the group, you know? It's like, everyone likes her, but at the end of the day, she's not very social, and she's only really close with Reiner and Bert. And now Mikasa, I guess. But the rest of us? Not so much. I've never actually met her until today."

"Oh no," Levi breathed softly, and Eren looked to him in confusion. Levi's face was mostly composed, like always, but Eren could read a certain type of grimness in the line of his mouth.

"What?" Eren asked, feeling suddenly as if he was missing something huge. "What's going on? Levi? Armin?"

"Annie's his soulmate," Levi said, and Armin nodded blankly, apparently shell shocked.

"What?!" Armin glanced up, a glint of panic on his face.

"Levi's right," he said. "It's - when I looked at her - I don't even know how to describe it. But for a second there, my wrist felt like it was on fire, and I realized that that was the reason my timer was always jumping around. Sometimes getting way shorter or way longer. Because we would be so close to meeting - maybe we were both planning on going to the same party - but then one of us would choose to stay home, and the time was right back up again… I've been waiting for my soulmate for so long, and I was starting to think it was never going to happen, and then _bam_."

"Armin," Eren interrupted with a smile, "this is _great_!"

"Eren," Levi muttered aside, "keep in mind who Annie is currently with." Eren's smile fell in an instant, replaced with a huge swell in his chest, an explosion of emotions that felt strong enough to crack his ribs from the inside.

"What are you going to do?" Eren asked dumbly, and Levi rolled his eyes at his insensitivity. Armin though, used to it apparently, just dropped his head into his hands and sighed heavily.

"I don't know," he responded. "I've been waiting since I was little. I'm not like you - I've always wanted to meet my soulmate. But Mikasa is one of my best friends, even if she's being horrible right now, and she sounded so _broken_ when I talked to her, Eren, and I don't know if she can do it again. Not to mention that I don't even know how Annie feels about all of this. She might not even _want_ me."

"She'd be an idiot not to want you," Eren assured him honestly, though his honesty didn't necessarily assuage the worry that Annie _was_ , in fact, an idiot. Without a word, Armin stood from Eren's desk and threw himself down on the bed instead, ignoring Levi who seemed unbothered by the blonde's joining him.

"You gonna be staying here tonight?" Eren asked his friend, sensing Armin's reluctance to do - well, anything, really, including leaving. Armin shook his head into the duvet.

"I'll leave eventually," he mumbled.

"Okay. Just know you can stay if you want. And Armin… I kind of-"

"I know," Armin interrupted without so much as lifting his head. "You need to go see Mikasa."

"You don't mind, do you?" Eren asked, feeling like a piece of shit for abandoning his best friend, but also the undeniable urge to go make sure his other best friend was going to be okay. Armin just shook his head again, and Eren trusted him enough to take it at face value.

"Don't worry about it, brat," Levi spoke up. "I'll keep bowl-cut company."

"You really have the most charming nicknames for everyone, don't you?" Eren teased, smiling at how easily Levi offered to stick around. He and Armin got along surprisingly well, and that was just another thing that added to Eren's ridiculous happiness.

"It's a gift," Levi shrugged. "Now go check on your friend." With a nod and a smile, Eren left the dorm.

xxxxxxxx

When he arrived at Mikasa's, he hesitated for a long moment for a long list of reasons. For one thing, Mikasa probably didn't want to see him. If Annie had broken her heart in favor of Armin, Eren highly doubted Mikasa would want to see _him_ of all people, considering that he was the one who apparently started the trend. For another, he didn't even know if Mikasa _knew_. It had been what - maybe two, three hours since Armin and Annie found out themselves? No one knew what Annie was going to do about it, yet. It was completely possible that she hadn't said anything. Hell, it was possible that she never planned to say anything. How did he know that Mikasa even needed comforting right now? That she wasn't in a perfectly good mood that he was about to ruin by showing his ugly face?

Well, he didn't know. And he never would, unless he knocked on the door. Which he had no choice but to do, really, since he would rather Mikasa get angry at him for showing up for no reason than leave her to suffer alone on the off chance that she already knew. With that in mind, he raised his fist and rapped it lightly against the door.

It swung open immediately, revealing a watery-eyed Mikasa who looked at him with hope that was immediately crushed. Yeah, she definitely knew already. The door swung back towards him as Mikasa tried to close it in a hurry, but with his reflexes on his side, Eren managed to get his foot between the door and the jam. After that, Mikasa let him in with surprisingly little resistance.

"Armin told you," she said, and her voice was hard despite the hurt softness in her eyes. "Armin told you and you came."

"Of course I came. I needed to make sure you were okay."

"I'm fine," she told him, but the words were only half out of her mouth when they cracked and she crumbled.

Eren had seen Mikasa cry before, but he had never seen anything quite like this. Even when Mikasa was weak and vulnerable, she was strong. She built walls around herself that supported and protected even when he basic defenses broke down. Now Eren watched as those walls crumbled to dust and collapsed inward for the first time in all the time he had known her.

"What's wrong with me, Eren?" she sobbed, though Eren was too shocked to provide any kind of answer. "Why does everyone I love love someone else? Why does nobody love me? Why am I not good enough? Not good enough for you, not good enough for Annie, not good enough for a _God damned soulmark_."

"It's not like that, Mikasa," Eren said, not knowing what else there was to say. "It's not like that." But this girl he saw like a sister just cried harder and it stabbed Eren to realize that all this time he was so unaware of the way she was feeling.

He thought she was bitter. He thought she was paranoid. And she was both of those things, but more than that she was _afraid_ and _insecure_ , and why wouldn't she be, when she saw everyone around her as designed to be loved and herself as unmarked, _never going to meet the right person no matter how hard she tried._

With unacknowledged tears in his own eyes, Eren pulled her into his arms, hoping that if he held her tight enough he could hold her together and maybe hold what they had together, too.

"I'm sorry," Mikasa told him over and over, and he just nodded and rejected her apologies because she was already forgiven, had never needed to earn forgiveness in the first place.

Mikasa was broken, Eren realized. She always had been. But they were fixed. And that was something. A first step at least.

xxxxxxxx

When Eren got back to his own dorm it was late, but Levi was still sitting comfortably on Eren's bed, Eren's computer in his lap and Eren's headphones over his ears.

"Armin left?" Eren asked, nudging Levi closer to the wall with his knee before sitting on the bed himself, leaning against his boyfriend to see what was on the computer's screen.

"About an hour ago," Levi replied. "Annie came by, actually. They left together. Seems like everything's going to be okay on that front."

"That's good," Eren sighed, eyes slipping shut.

"And Mikasa? How's she doing?"

"All at once worse and better than I expected." Eren's eyes closed for a second, and he was content to fall asleep like that, Levi warm against his side, the faint noise of Levi's video drifting from Eren's shitty headphones. But with the weight of Mikasa's sadness still pressing against his chest, he was compelled to ask: "Levi, how do you feel about soulmates?" The man in question turned simultaneously curious and impassive eyes on Eren before glancing back to his screen.

"I've been waiting for you for a long time, Eren."

Eren sat up abruptly the moment the words registered in his tired mind. Levi had implied it before, hadn't he? But Eren never really listened. Suddenly the implications were crawling across his skin.

"What?" he asked, baffled.

"I'm 31, Eren. My timer was way longer than most people's."

"But you were - you were waiting. _For me_?"

"Of course," Levi replied, as if it was natural. But it wasn't, not for Eren. He had always assumed that Levi was like him - resistant to the idea of soulmates and originally pissed to find himself saddled with such a seemingly bad match.

"I - I don't understand." With a sigh, Levi removed his headphones and turned to face Eren fully, leaning against the wall and crossing his legs.

"I'll explain. When I was young, I dated some people. That's only normal, especially when the mark on your arm is telling you you're going to have to wait such a long ass time before you meet 'the one.' I wasn't really sold on the idea of soulmates. When I was your age, I was actually a lot like you, so I get that. But needless to say, all of my relationships ended. Badly, for the most part. They didn't like my sense of humor, or they couldn't handle my quirks, or they just didn't like _me_. The shit I got involved with didn't help. I remember it bothering me for a while, but pretty soon, I stopped giving a fuck because - well, because of you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Eren asked, overwhelmed.

"Well, my relationships all went up in flames, but I had a mark on my arm telling me that one day one of them wouldn't."

Eren realized he was an idiot. It was a full blown moment of self awareness.

"I'm sorry," he said stupidly. "I thought - I thought-"

"I know what you thought. And you don't have to be sorry, kid. Life's no fun without a little challenge."

"You must've hated me."

"What?" Levi laughed. "Did you hear a thing I just said? I never hated you."

"How do you feel about me, then?" Eren questioned, flushing the moment he asked the words. That sounded so needy and demanding. He didn't even want to know, really, that would just make things weird. They hadn't even been together that long. Levi looked at him oddly.

"You're my soulmate," Levi said, saying those words the same way everyone else did: like they were supposed to magically explain everything, like all Eren had to do was hear them to understand.

For the first time, Eren understood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is short and shitty, but hopefully it gave everyone some sense of closure. If you have any specific questions, just message me or whatever and I will happily answer them because I like doing shit like that. But be warned that I talk a lot. Like super a lot. 
> 
> Also: that awkward moment when you have your document open on your computer and your friend comes up behind you like "what's risk and why have you written 80+ pages about gay dorks?"


End file.
